


A Little Favor

by lilaestheticsnhope



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Friends to Lovers, Holidays, Lucifer's astounding lack of self awareness, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn, reader has great self esteem, written for black girls but anyone is welcome to read
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-17
Updated: 2021-01-02
Packaged: 2021-03-10 16:41:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 77,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28120302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilaestheticsnhope/pseuds/lilaestheticsnhope
Summary: Your parents want you to come home for the holidays and considering your complicated relationship with them you decline on account of your boyfriend being alone for the holidays in L.A. if you leave. Of course, you don't have a boyfriend, but your father's no guest rule means you should be free to spend the holidays like every other single family-less woman in L.A. Unfortunately, your father decides to make an exception to the rule. With no reason not to come, you now have to find a fake boyfriend. Lucky for you, you have a friend who specializes in granting favors. Taking Lucifer home means confronting the reasons why you left home in the first place, and discovering things about your friendship with the devil that might change the two of you forever.
Relationships: Lucifer Morningstar (Lucifer TV) & Reader, Lucifer Morningstar (Lucifer TV)/Reader, Lucifer Morningstar (Lucifer TV)/You, Lucifer Morningstar/black!reader, Lucifer/You
Comments: 29
Kudos: 147





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this because... I'm a black woman and I didn't see any reader insert stuff that could have a black reader without doing some mental gymnastics. Here's to the people whose cheeks don't turn red, whose nipples aren't pink, and no ones running their hand through your hair. This one's for us.   
> Of course people of other races can read and enjoy, I just wanted you to know my target audience.

It seemed silly to make a deal with the devil for this, but dammit, it didn't  _ feel  _ silly. Your family expected you to come home for the holidays, and when they first asked you tried to decline softly. "My boyfriend doesn't want to be alone for the holidays, and Dad has that 'no outsiders' policy. I can't do that to him." You didn't expect your father to suddenly change his tune. "Bring your boyfriend" he said, "Things must be serious if you're going to choose him over your family." There was one huge problem with that: You didn't have a boyfriend. You didn't even have someone you were dating. It seemed pathetic to go date someone specifically so you could get them to lie for you. Then again, perhaps it  _ was  _ a little pathetic to make a deal with the devil for the same purpose. However, it seemed better to stick with the devil that you know over anyone else. Besides, you and Lucifer were friends. You even hung out with him in secret when he wanted to have a boring weekend without anyone knowing. Chloe brought Lucifer in to help with a questioning today, and he would be out of the interrogation any minute so you were waiting outside for him with an Irish coffee and your sexiest work appropriate outfit just to sweeten the deal. Just friends or not, Lucifer had a weakness for beautiful women. You were a beautiful woman. The fact that you didn't have a partner at the moment had very little to do with how cute you were. In fact, you spent the better part of the morning swatting away cops who had the audacity to think they had a chance with you. No you were as cute as it got which meant that you were probably going to get your way when it came to Lucifer.  


The door to the interrogation room opened and you perked up immediately. Lucifer took notice of you as he held the door open for Chloe.

"Oh, Little Miss Y/N, don't you look good enough to eat."

You smiled, "I try, Mr. Morningstar," you tried to imitate his accent. This was the normal way of greeting each other that the two of you went through. You always got a little bit of a kick out of his accent and you spent the better part of your days repeating the things he said in an over dramatic British accent. He found it less than amusing at first, but these days you could tell it grew on him.

"You're getting better at that," he observed as he let go of the door and began to follow behind Chloe. You hurried after him, struggling to keep up in the heels you were wearing. It was an incredibly beautiful outfit, but heels certainly weren’t made for speed.

"I brought you coffee, special brew." You called after him, hoping that would make him stop using the full length of his stupid long legs to walk as quickly as possible. 

He stopped to accept the mug of hot coffee. Before drinking he gave it an experimental sniff before grinning at you "My, my, if I didn't know better I'd say you were flirting with me."

Chloe turned, presumably to see what was keeping Lucifer. You gave her a little wave. Any other day, you’d be following after Chloe to give her your forensic expertise. She knew you and Lucifer were friends and sometimes she was grateful for another person who could reign in some of his eccentricities. She noticed the way you held your hands behind your back as you looked up at Lucifer. It was always a little amusing to see you interact with other people, because most of them were taller than you, and Lucifer was more than a foot taller. The heels closed the gap just a bit, but not by much. It was odd to see you wearing heels, and so dressed up but Chloe didn’t think much of it, you were known for dressing well. 

"I  _ do  _ have something to ask you. It'll only take a sec." You glanced at Chloe knowing she was a very task oriented person on the job and probably wouldn't appreciate you keeping Lucifer.

She noticed you looking at her and responded, "I'll go ask Ella about the murder weapon." She peeled off towards the lab and Lucifer turned his full attention to you. You knew what the view was like looking down at you, he could likely see right down your top.

"Hmm, did you rethink my proposition? I'd be happy to have you after work."

"That's not it, but close." You responded, knowing he was talking about all the times he proposed the two of you have sex. It wasn't that you didn't feel the draw Lucifer could have on people, it was just that you absolutely believed him when he said he was the devil, and so a good amount of mortal fear assuaged any lust you felt for the man across from you. Of course, that was just in the beginning. After a while, you could honestly say it was just a genuine fondness for who he was as a person that had you abstaining from the forbidden fruit.

He quirked up an eyebrow at your response as he took a sip of his coffee. His eyes lit up as he drank, "You minx, this isn't just an Irish coffee."

"Put a little something extra from evidence in it for you. Keep things fun."

"Well now I'm afraid of what you could possibly ask me that requires this much buttering me up."

"I need a favor… that you're not going to like." You winced a little as you spoke to him. 

He frowned. You hated when Lucifer looked suspicious of you. He always assumed the absolute worst in situations like this, and honestly it wasn’t even that bad of a favor to ask. Granted, you didn’t know how he felt about the Christian holidays regardless of how capitalistic and secular they’d become. 

"I need you to come meet my family… as my boyfriend.”

His eyebrows shot up at that, "... You're a charming woman, surely you don't need me to pretend to be your… boyfriend"

You huffed, "I don't have anyone lined up. You know me, Luc, I don't really care for people very much, at least not in that way. And it would be incredibly cruel to expose a new person to my father. That man is the biggest asshole on planet Earth. I need someone who already has an opinion of me that can't be tarnished by an outsider, and someone with an ego that's not easily bruised. That's you."

"You want me to lie to your family?"

"I'll do the lying. You just have to be there. I tried to get out of the holidays, by saying I couldn't do it because it would leave my boyfriend alone for the holidays. But then suddenly my father lifted the no guest rule and now I have no reason not to come and they're expecting to meet my boyfriend."

"Why not just say you're not coming?"

"If I say I'm not coming my Father will find some way to punish me for it. It's best that I go to these things."

"I could have your father dealt with."

"Tempting, but no. It would break my mother's heart. Come on, there's soul food in it for you and my mom is a better cook than me. And since you can't eat the souls of the damned here on Earth…"

"Very funny.” He still looked sour about it, staring down at you with a calculated expression. You decided to amp up your cuteness factor. 

You pouted a little, and gave him puppy dog eyes, “Lucifer, please,” you begged in a softer voice. 

“Alright, fine, but you will be handling all of the lying. I don't care how you look at me with those pretty brown eyes, I won't lie for you. And lastly, you'll owe me a favor you know?"

"Oh thank you, thank you, thank you!” you cooed grabbing Lucifer in a hug. 

He stiffened and raised his coffee mug a bit so that he wouldn’t spill it on you. He looked around the precinct at the people privy to this moment. He made eye contact with a very confused Dan before patting your shoulder. 

“Alright, alright, enough of that,” he announced. 

“Right, you don’t like genuine affection. You're gonna have to get used to that. I’m a touchy-feely partner. If you never hug me it’s gonna be obvious we’re not really together.” 

“Noted...When do we set off?"

"Next week, it's a two week commitment."

"Consider it done. Though I must say, I hardly think I’m boyfriend material."

“Hey, don’t sell yourself short. There are plenty of people who’d want to be committed with you.” 

“I know that. There’s no one  _ I  _ want to be committed to however.” 

“Ah, well. I guess on that note, yes, you are not boyfriend material. Which is also why I’m choosing you. You’re not gonna slip up and fall in love with me even though I’m fine as hell, funny as fuck, and generally all around lovable.” 

“Hm, don't forget humble,” he spoke amused, and definitely less tense about the situation. 

“I _am_ humble... I just also know I'm the shit. I mean look at all of this,” you twirled in a slow circle, “I’m kind of doing you a favor by letting you pretend to be my boyfriend."  


“Is that what you think?” He laughed with you enjoying your usual aura of positive energy and high self-esteem.  


“Oh I know it,” you giggled, “but really Luc, thanks a lot. This really means the world to me. I'll be wearing low cut shirts all week as thanks."

"How I do love the girls," he mumbled, "alright, off you go, I have a case to solve."

You blew a kiss and winked at him before turning to go to evidence, but you barely got a step away before Lucifer smacked your ass. You whipped around to glare at him.

"You'll just have to get used to that, honey," he smiled and shooed you along. You stuck your tongue out at him as you kept walking away from him. His devilish little smile stayed on his face as you looked forward again.

Dan stopped in the middle of the hall having seen the exchange. He gave you a concerned look as you approached, "What was that?! If you want I'll go teach that asshole a lesson."

You laughed a little, and punched Dan in the shoulder, "Thanks for the chivalry but not necessary. It's all good, Detective."

"You and Lucifer…?"

"Just some flirtation between friends. Lucifer couldn't handle all of this," you gestured down your body as you began to walk away.

"You sure about that?"

"I might be small, but I pack a punch. What is it they say, bratty things in small packages?" you teased and turned around completely to watch where you were going.

When Lucifer's case with Chloe ended he came to your house to get caught up on things he should know as your boyfriend, and things you should know about him. It was a normal night with Lucifer, a good wine, a face mask, and a movie playing in the background. It was quite a change of pace from his usual night in Lux. You had a couple of aromatherapy candles lit and you were sitting on the sofa together.

"You were serious about the low cut shirts." Lucifer observed gesturing towards your tank top. 

"Oh yes. It's one of the perks of being my boyfriend. Which leads to my next point, PDA. My family will know something's up if we're not… affectionate. My father can read me like a book, so he'll know if I'm being weird."

"So this," he spoke as he put his arm around your shoulders and pulled you against him, "is appropriate."

"More than appropriate. It'll be expected."

"Oh and this," his hand traveled further down to grab your ass. You shot him a deadpan glare.

"You've been dying to get a handful of my ass. And no. That's too much." You took his hand off of your ass. 

"I thought the point was to disappoint your father."

"I'll disappoint him enough by liking you."

"You mean pretending to like me."

"No pretending to be _ in  _ _love_ with you. I do like you."

"Aw, darling you're making me blush."

"Oh and pet names! Honestly you can't go wrong with 'em. I'll probably call you baby a lot."

"You already call me babe."

"Yeah, but that's what I call all my friends. I call Ells love. That's nothing."

"And what will I call you?"

"Um, whatever your heart desires."

"Hm, I'll be thinking of a good one. Tell me about your mother. I know your father is a royal douche, but you haven't spoken much about your mom."

"I… It's complicated between me and my mom. It's just that… when I came out… I went through a lot and my mom just kind of… watched it happen. She didn't disown me but she didn't stand up for me either. I know my mom loves me… but it just feels like sometimes she chooses him over me which is a hard thing to grow up with. I… love her and I've forgiven her for what she did. However that doesn't absolve her from guilt." You'd been staring at your hands as you spoke, so when you were done you looked up at Lucifer to see what he thought. He seemed to be thinking really hard about something, which was a little uncharacteristic of him.

"I know that's not easy, poppet."

"Ew, I don't like poppet. Choose a different name."

"Felt odd when I said it," he agreed, "But I do know the feeling."

“I know. That also makes you perfect for the job. My father doesn't like me. So, he's probably not gonna like you by association, plus he didn't hand select you to be my boyfriend so that's another reason not to like you."  


"Controlling father, hm sounds familiar." 

"Yeah, he's powerful, he's demanding, and as far as he's concerned I'm an extension of himself that should behave the way he wants me to. We... don't typically get along. So things will probably get a little ugly, but that's the name of the game you know. I'm not gonna ask you to get in the middle of that. Or maybe I should say, I'm not going to ask you to be _more_ in the middle."

Lucifer seemed to be thinking that over as he looked down at you. You were studying your nails as if you didn't just admit to a hefty amount of childhood trauma. It had never really occurred to Lucifer that you had a rough relationship with your parents. It's not something you brought up, and as far as emotionally adjusted people go, Lucifer considered you one of the most sane people he knew. Which was saying something because Detective Decker was right there. However, no matter how Lucifer tried to rationalize it he couldn't understand how Chloe ever married Dan so he figured she must be just a little unsound, or rather completely delusional. It was probably because of how sexually repressed she constantly seemed. But you? You were a beautiful woman, who was the best in her field, who enjoyed equal amounts of partying and quiet nights in with a normal libido. It was odd to hear that you'd gone through so much with your parents. If he asked anyone about you they might call you perfect. He supposed things had been the same for him in the silver city before the fall. Anyone would have described him as perfect. He was the favorite. He knew how that fall from grace could hurt, even on a small human scale. 

"I do not understand why you're going. What can he do? You're here." 

You frowned, "He can do a lot," your voice was low and your eyes unfocused and Lucifer assumed you were remembering what your father was capable of. 

"In that case are you absolutely sure you don't want me to see to it that he's a non-issue?" 

You blinked and looked up at Lucifer, "Are you trying to get out of being my boyfriend? What? Afraid you'll fall hopelessly in love with me?"

Lucifer scoffed, "Don't be ridiculous."

You laughed at how genuinely put out he seemed to be at the suggestion. He was easy to distract. As much as you genuinely liked Lucifer you weren't really one to go sharing your dark backstory. It just didn't seem like the kind of persona you wanted to embody. You liked being known as the beautiful, incredibly intelligent woman that helped give the police and the courts the facts. You liked being seen as an expert, and not just someone who had to struggle to get where you were. The moment someone assigned struggle to you, they began to make assumptions about your strength and what you could handle. Truth be told you didn't want to "go through" anything. You didn't want to be perceived as strong instead you just wanted respect, and for people to think you are entirely incapable of handling the harshness of the world so that they would then shield you from it. Yes you were strong and you could brave the harshness of the world but you didn't want to. You'd been through enough. You wanted your posh L.A. life without much hardship save the occasional close brush with a criminal. 

"I think it'll be an interesting couple of weeks regardless. And I recommend you get in all the sex you need before then, because we're monogamous, baby." 

"Are you serious?" 

"As a heart attack. My dad will know it's all a lie if he sees you flirting with other people. He knows I don't do cheaters. So again, get it out of your system. I know I will." 

"You are so incredibly lucky that I like you." 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Coming home is somehow better and worse than you thought it would be. Additionally... Lucifer's not that bad of a boyfriend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to ask for some suspension of disbelief here. I obviously don't know your parents so we're playing pretend that your parents are like this. Just play along.

Lucifer gave your hand a little squeeze as you stepped out of the gates at the airport. It was really setting in what you were doing. You were bringing  _ Lucifer  _ home. He was fine to be around. You thought he was lots of fun, but he wasn't  _ boyfriend _ material. Your parents would never go for this. First of all, he was  _ white.  _ Your family wasn't prejudiced, but the sordid history of race relations between yours and his was… not good. They would have preferred literally any other race.  _ Then  _ he was the devil. Even if they didn't believe that he was the real devil, hearing his name would be enough to make your parents take you to the Vatican for an exorcism. What were you thinking? You were literally bringing home a white devil to your _very_ ethnic home. You expect your mom of color to look at _Lucifer_ and not smack you for even considering this to be a good idea. Your father? You didn't even want to think about your father. It might have been less risky to just say you weren't going.   


"Oh god my father's going to kill me." you hissed at your realization. It was too late to just turn around and go home. This was going to be the worst two weeks of your life and you signed your friend up for it. There was a long list of things that you were going to hell for, and now this whole charade was going to be at the very top. Who brings the devil home to their mother? What kind of wretched child does that? Furthermore, you knew the problems Lucifer had with over controlling fathers. He was going to make it his hobby for the next two weeks to make your father as upset as possible to makeup for the fact that he couldn't drive his own father insane.   


"My father isn't going to be your biggest sympathizer. He's very big on respecting one's father and you, my little dove, are doing the opposite." Lucifer informed in response to you using the lord’s name in vain. 

"You don't get it. My Father is going to hate you. He's going to hire a hit on me for even putting you in his presence. This is a horrible plan."

"You're being dramatic. I've been told I'm extremely charming." 

You looked up to see the little self assured smile Lucifer has on his face. Of course he wasn’t worried. He couldn’t be brutally murdered in a fit of rage by your father. "My father is going to take one look at you, call me a bed wench and disown me."

"That sounds like good news. If he disowns you, you won't have to worry about being called to these holidays anymore."

He had a point. Worst case scenario, assuming your father didn't have you killed or exorcised, would be no longer having to pretend to enjoy family gatherings. If you played this right, he'd forbid you from them all together.

"Wow, you're good. How come some lady hasn't taken you off the market, yet? You like nipped my whole breakdown in the bud."

"I  _ am _ off the market, sugar plum, for two whole weeks."

"Right, lucky me," you chuckled, “This is all assuming of course my father doesn’t murder me in a fit of rage.”

“I won’t let him do that,” he assured, looking down at you. When you returned his gaze with a look of genuine gratitude he continued, “You owe me a favor. You can’t repay me if you’re dead.” You frowned, you probably should have known that’s what he meant. 

As you walked out into the airport, you noticed your mom and Dad standing beside one another waiting on you. Your mother grinned as she saw you, and hurried to meet you halfway for a hug. You didn't realize how much you missed your mother until she was right there. The smell of her perfume managed to calm any residual nerves, and you felt tears prick at your eyes. You hadn't seen your mother in person since last Christmas. You didn't talk much between holidays, but when you did it still wasn't the same as receiving a nice warm hug and hearing her say your name with so much love and reverence. She rocked from side to side with you and kissed your cheek.  


"Oh I missed you, pookie. Let me look at you," she pulled back to hold you at arm's length, "You just get more and more beautiful."

"Thanks, mom.” You smiled at her compliment, and then you noticed her look up and behind you, "Oh, mom and uh… dad," you looked over your mother's shoulder to see your father glaring straight at Lucifer. The tension in his brow was enough to curb all of your enthusiasm. "This is my boyfriend."

A tense silence commenced as your parents looked at Lucifer. Almost instinctively, you moved away from your mother and back beside Lucifer. His arm went around your shoulder immediately, and he seemed to be pulling you slightly behind him. It was weird at first that Lucifer would have that urge to protect you, but then you looked up to see that your father was now glaring at you, as if he meant to strangle you alive in the middle of the airport. You usually managed to go at least two hours before getting this look from him. It seemed Lucifer was now genuinely worried that your father would fly into that fit of rage you mentioned earlier. However, the man hadn't even started yelling yet, so by that metric all was fine, and you decided to just wrap your arms around Lucifer's waist to look like the happiest little couple. That would at least soften your mother towards your fake boyfriend and his highly conspicuous name.  


"Lucifer Morningstar, a pleasure to meet you," he smiled his usual charming grin. He held his hand out to shake your father's hand. Your father took his hand as your mother looked at you with wide eyes, and you suddenly regretted everything again.

"Lucifer?" your father questioned, "Like the devil."

"The very same."

"Um… is that what your parents named you?" Your mother asked, staring up at him warily. You wondered if she was praying in her head, asking God for forgiveness in your name. You wondered if God found this whole thing amusing, was he looking, did he care? You hoped he was looking so that someone could laugh at the hilariousness of this situation. You literally couldn't have brought a worse boyfriend home in their eyes. You literally brought home the devil.   


"My father gave me that name." He answered smoothly.  


"Oh… poor thing," she muttered brows crumpled in towards each other as her gaze briefly skipped down to you, "well hi, you can call me Mrs.L/N." You could tell that your mother was going to freak out the moment she had a chance. She had that slightly manic look in her eyes, the same look she always had when she knew you were doing something that would set your father off. She didn't have to get angry with you. Your father was already angry enough for the both of them. You didn't even have to look at him to feel the rage rolling off of him. It was for the best that Lucifer couldn't be killed, because honestly... your father might call a hit on him just so you couldn't date him.  


"It's a pleasure to meet you, Mrs. L/N. I see where Y/N gets her good looks from." Lucifer continued, completely unbothered by the tumultous vibes in your little bubble of the airport. You were patiently waiting for the blow up. Your fathers mouth was set in a grimace of obvious disapproval. It was the kind of expression you could get away with when you'd never lost a fight before. Back when you were daddy's little girl you used to pride yourself in how strong your father was. Now it just made you incredibly nervous about ever bringing a male partner home. Did you think your father would fight Lucifer? Probably not, but he would say some truly out of pocket things based on the fact that he believed he couldn't get his ass beat. That's what you were dreading.  


Your mother giggled at Lucifer's compliment and waved him off. You should have known he'd win over your mother. He had that effect on people attracted to men. She would still ask you what the hell you were thinking, dating a man named Lucifer, but she was probably going to be a fan before long. Especially when you mentioned he was rich. Your mother wasn't a gold digger, but she didn't believe anyone should give a man who can't provide the time of day.   


"Come on, cars waiting," Your father spoke gruffly before turning to leave as if he expected all of you to follow. Your mother certainly did, but you and Lucifer hung back a little. You let out a breath you were unaware that you were holding. At least you wouldn't be escorted out by airport security and put on the no-fly list because of your father's temper.  


"That wasn't so bad. Your mother seems kind. You should have told me she was such a fox. "

"Lucifer she's my mother! I wasn't gonna say if she was hot or not."

"Touche. Your father seems... upset."

"That's just because he is," you answered lightly going to follow after your parents. You sat in the back seat with Lucifer as your mother filled you in on all the people who were coming to the holiday dinner and all the things she wanted to do with you while you were home. You let her voice become background noise as you focused on how easily Lucifer was falling into the role of doting wholesome boyfriend. It was a little appalling. Here you'd been worried that he'd be too inappropriate to pass as someone that you'd actually date, but he was seemingly behaving. His thumb rubbed soothing little circles on the back of your hand as he held it on the middle seat between the two of you. You turned to look at him and found that he was looking out the window, deep in his own thoughts. Your mother was able to hold a conversation on her own quite well. Living with your father could teach anyone that. He was a cold spot in rooms. Even now, his presence in the driver's seat sent a chill through you. You caught him stealing glances at Lucifer from the rearview mirror, and you wondered what he was thinking. How angry was he with you?You knew the first moment he got alone with you he'd put you through the ringer. 

Lucifer noticed the iron grip you had on his hand so he turned from the window to look at you. Your eyes were trained straight ahead of you, and when he followed your gaze, he noticed your father's piercing gaze in the rearview mirror. Lucifer pulled your hand in to his lap to hold with both of his hands. The movement drew your eye and he wondered what you weren't telling him about your father. Your response to this man, your parent, was alarming. He'd seen you look killers in the eye with far less trepidation. What torments from your childhood was this man responsible for to make you look so afraid?

"We just bought the tree, I didn't want to decorate until you got home. I wanted us to do it together, you know like old times. Oh, Lucifer," your mother's voice wrapped around Lucifer's name uncomfortably, "this is the first time our baby's brought anyone home."

"Oh, I'm special then?"

"I'll say. She's so secretive about her life. I was surprised when she admitted to even seeing anyone."

"She does love her secrets. Doesn't she? I think that's part of the fun."

"How long have you two been together?"

"Well, when do you want to start counting, love? We've known each other for 2 years now, right."

"Right," you nodded realizing he was passing off the responsibility of lying to your parents to you, "we've been dating almost 6 months now."

"How'd you meet?" Your mother asked.

"At work, Lucifer is a consultant for the LAPD."

"So you're a cop?" Your mother asked.

"No, my dear, I own a nightclub one of the most successful nightclubs in Los Angeles, might I add. I help the police with cases from time to time. People like to tell me all sorts of things about themselves and sometimes the things they tell me helps solve cases." Lucifer corrected.

"Oh good, a snitch." your father spoke up.

"Not quite. It's a special position. I met this little cherub at a crime scene. She's one of the most beautiful people I've ever laid eyes on."

Your face heated up at Lucifer's compliment. You pressed your lips together to keep from smiling. You remembered meeting Lucifer. He was incredibly charming and yet the moment he introduced himself you were skeptical of him and everything he did. Something about a man insisting to be the devil just didn't sit right with you. Becoming friends was a definite uphill battle, but it was totally worth it. He was your best friend.  


"And she's funny! She can get a laugh out of anyone at work. Who does she get her sense of humor from?"

"Laughing at crime scenes? Good to know your career is as much of a joke as I thought." Your father commented.

"Ah so it definitely comes from Mum." Lucifer concluded, "anyway I have been enchanted by your daughter ever since."

"That's sweet." Your mother answered.

"Well Lucifer's really sweet," you spoke looking up at him to show you appreciated the kind words.  


"Why'd it take you so long to approach her? A year before dating?" Your dad spoke.   


"Oh, it didn't take long for me to approach. It took  _ someone  _ a long time to accept."

"I was being cautious. His name is Lucifer cut me some slack, I needed time to get to know him. You know it takes me a while to open up... but I guess for whatever reason he was set on me." you explained your side of this false narrative. It was important to make this whole thing believable or your father would spend the next two weeks trying to poke whole in your story. It had to be undeniable that you and Lucifer were in love so that no one would question you about it. Your father seemed to be satisfied with your answers and turned on the radio to fill the silence and prevent further conversation. You sighed quietly, letting a little bit of tension go. You relaxed against the back of the seat and tried to find something close to peace of mind.  


When your father pulled into the driveway your mother hurried you into the house, "Oh the men'll get the bags, I want to show you the new decorations I want to put up."

You looked back at Lucifer, worried but he waved you forward. You weren't sure why you were so worried. It was probably because you didn't even like being left alone with your father, you couldn't imagine Lucifer would have a fun time.  


Lucifer went around the back of the SUV to grab some of the bags. Your father came around to the trunk and simply glared at him.

"As much as I enjoy staring into your eyes, sir, I was hoping you'd open the trunk." Lucifer spoke at length.

"Y/N says you don't have much family."

"I have plenty of family, just not any that I care to spend holidays with."

"So you thought you'd keep her from her family so she could be an outcast like you."

"Would you cast your daughter out for missing a holiday?"

Your father glared at him before opening the trunk, "I don't know who you think you are, but just know Y/N is  _ my  _ daughter. I don't care what you think you are to her, she answers to me first."

"Is she your daughter or your prisoner?"

"Don't get smart with me-"

"Y/N is an adult. I hardly think she has to answer to anyone. Now if you don't mind." Lucifer grabbed his and your suitcase out of the trunk and gave your father the carry-ons before walking up the drive. When he entered the house you were standing in the middle of a front room that looked like it belonged in a Better Homes and Gardens magazine. Your mother had a clear tote with Christmas decorations inside that she was already pulling things out of. You hadn't mentioned what your father did for a living but what ever it was supported quite a large and beautiful home. If he didn't already know the dysfunction your father was capable of he might think this was the perfect home to grow up in. Your mother showed you tinsel and talked about stringing popcorn on the tree all while you listened indulgently. You looked a good bit like your mother, she was a little rounder in the hips, the hard angles of her jaw and cheekbones were softened with age but if you asked Lucifer how old she was he would probably be wrong. She looked mature... but still radiant. It was hard to describe.  


Your father sighed your mother's name, "Let the girl unpack before you rope her into decorating. She looks a mess."

You frowned at that, and almost immediately went to straighten your shirt. As you looked at your father you noticed Lucifer standing in the foyer staring at him incredulously. He was holding both of your luggage, and you started coming over mostly to stop what ever Lucifer was about to say to your father because it didn't seem like a nice thing at all.   


"Oh, sorry Luc lemme help you with that." You spoke, touching the wrist that had your bag.  


He turned from your father to you, his brow softening as he regarded you. "Nonsense, love, I've got it. Just tell me where to put it."

Your mother answered that questioned for him, "Oh honey, I've got your bedroom all together for you. The two of you can put your stuff in there."

You turned on your heel wide eyed, "... Both of our stuff?" Growing up your family didn't let you have boys in the house. You thought for sure Lucifer would be in a guest bedroom. Your gaze slid to your father wondering if he was going to insist on your separation. 

"We know you two are already sleeping together anyway. No use in splitting you up." Your mother's airy flippant voice put the final nail in the coffin. You were sharing a room with Lucifer. Great.   


"Oh… right. Okay."

"Lead the way, darling." Lucifer prompted. 

You climbed the stairs and walked the familiar halls to your bedroom. Your mother remodeled since you moved out. Most of the stuff from your youth was gone. All that remained was your desk and some of your pictures. The bed was new. It was a queen sized bed with a cream comforter and sheet set. The closet on the far side of the room was empty and open waiting for you to hang your clothes up. Your father and Lucifer followed you in. Your father set your carry ons on the floor before regarding you both with his usual stern expression. 

"I expect you back down before dinner to help your mother with decorations. "

"Yes, sir."

"And take a shower. You smell like recycled air."

"Great thanks. Anything else?"

"Lose the attitude."  He closed the bedroom door and you rolled your eyes so hard it hurt. You blamed the military for the way he treated you. He spent his formative years getting yelled at and he was to emotionally stunted to see that you can't treat the people you're supposed to care about like a soldiers. He'd always been strict and stern, but the coldness didn't really start until you stopped being the perfect little soldier. You'd read your fair share of books on narcissistic parents. He was a textbook case and it took the better part of your adult life to learn not to take anything he said personally. It didn't really matter what he thought and you'd come to find his disapproval rewarding. If you were living your life in a way that he hated then you were living it right.  


"Well he's a barrel of laughs isn't he?" Lucifer remarked. 

You looked up at him and tried to smile at his little quip but ultimately failed to sell the expression. "He's uh… something. Come on why don't you unpack your fancy suits?"

"For the record, you look beautiful as always," he assured.

"Thanks, babe. I'm gonna grab a change of clothes and hop in the shower."

"Oh. Do you need me to join you, darling? I'll wash your back."

"Ha ha. No. I've got it," you answered. You tipped over your suitcase to find a suitable outfit for staying home with the family. You settled on a flattering little long sleeve black dress.

By the time you emerged from the shower, Lucifer was already unpacked and seemingly on the phone with someone. You figured if it was important he would say something. You set upon unpacking your things. This was going to be an interesting set up. You packed thinking that there was no way your parents would allow you two to room together. With your control freak of a father you half expected the man to insist Lucifer stay in a hotel. There’s no way you could have known that the two of you would be sharing a bed. That in mind, your pajamas were not exactly the most full coverage. Part of you dreaded what going to bed tonight would mean. It couldn’t be helped, and it’s not like Lucifer was unfamiliar with the feminine form. There was no reason for him to make a fuss over you. 

That being said, Lucifer did have a habit of fawning over you. You assumed it was just because you were one of a few women who didn’t fall over themselves to sleep with him. As far as you could tell Ella and Chloe were the only other women he had regular contact with that didn’t necessarily seem to desire Lucifer. You weren’t sure if Lucifer had ever offered Ella the chance, but you knew for sure that he was put off by Chloe not wanting to have sex with him because her rejection came right before your own. It’s not that you didn’t feel the draw. You thought about it perhaps a little more than you wanted to admit. There was just something about him that pulled at you just a little. When you first met him that scared you because you weren’t easily attracted to men you didn’t know. It took time for you to feel attraction to a man, you had to know his motives and his personality first. Your immediate lust for Lucifer was odd enough that you rebelled against it. Then, of course, he introduced himself as Lucifer and he seemed very adamant that he was the devil. At the time you figured that any guy who was that committed to being called Lucifer wasn’t a guy you wanted to have much to do with. You distanced yourself from him, but Lucifer was persistent enough in his conversation with you that you got to know him. Things changed between the two of you slowly but surely, until you got to this point. There were nights you came home to find Lucifer already in your house cooking dinner. He was a staple in your day. 

“Ooo what are these, darling?” Lucifer asked, breaking you out of your thoughts. You turned to look at him holding one of your more sexy bras.

“A bra,” you answered plainly, “I’m sure you’ve seen one before.”

“I didn’t take you as a mesh, gal.” 

“Hm, well it’s part of a matching set. I’ll be sure to tell you when I’m wearing it so you can think about how you’ll never get to see me in it.” 

“Oh and they call me the devil. I feel like it’s high time I ask you why you won’t come to bed with me?”

“I assume this is a genuine question and not just another attempt to get in my pants.” 

“It’s a genuine question. I have a certain effect on people and I’ve never seemed to have that effect on you. Though my other ability affects you.” 

You nodded, “Dunno, just doesn’t seem like a good idea to sleep with a guy I have to work with.” 

“That makes no sense. Besides, my charm usually overtakes rationality.” 

“Dunno, maybe you’re getting rusty. All this time on Earth has to be messing with something.” 

“I am  _ not  _ rusty. You’re just… defective.” 

“Wow. If I wanted to be insulted I’d just go hang out with my dad.” 

“You started that. Why is your father so confident in insulting you?”

“God complex. He thinks he’s the boss of everyone and everything. He sees it more like… constructive criticism.” 

“He’s wrong.”

“Well, feel free to tell him that. I could use the entertainment and if he kicks you out then we don’t have to share a bed.” 

“I was actually rather looking forward to that, perhaps I will follow the rules just this once.” 

“I hope I snore all night,” you grumbled going back to your task. Lucifer kept talking but he was talking about himself in one capacity or another. Sometimes when you found yourself feeling more than friendly towards Lucifer you remembered that he liked to monologue. He really didn’t require more than a monosyllabic word of response or non-committal sound to keep him talking to himself. It was wild to keep in mind that he had a therapist. You wondered if that woman ever got a word in, or if Lucifer talked to himself for 50 minutes then called it a day. He seemed to be complaining about his brother and him hovering around the club. It was enough to get the gist while you carefully tucked away your clothes, and put your makeup on the vanity, your toiletries in the en suite bathroom. He kept talking as you moved between the two rooms. When you were done you checked the time and decided you could take 15 minutes to just lie across the bed and relax to the background noise of Lucifer’s voice. 

Lucifer was already lying on his back on the bed as he talked. You fell back on the bed and bounced a bit before settling. You closed your eyes and just listened to the mellifluous nature of Lucifer’s speaking voice. You would never hang out with Lucifer if you didn’t just enjoy hearing him speak. It was not important to hear what he was saying, it would probably annoy you. Most of the time, Lucifer’s problems would be easily resolved if he had a greater capability to think outside of himself. He didn’t take advice particularly well, so you were simply a soundboard for him to bounce his monologue off of. 

He stopped talking and you opened your eyes to see what happened. He was looking at you with an expression you couldn’t really understand. You tried to recall what he was talking about before he stopped talking. It was something about Mazikeen. 

“What?”

“I’ve never seen your hair like that,” he said. 

You blinked, not sure what to say to that. He was just now noticing your hair. You weren’t offended, it was just an odd time to bring that up. You gave him the benefit of the doubt and assumed he noticed earlier and was only saying something now.

“Well, I won’t be back at work for a while so… there’s no need for a professional style.” You answered. Your hair was in two big french braids and you redid your edges shortly after getting out of the shower. It was low maintenance and comfortable enough to wear on a plane which is why you braided it like that.  


“It’s nice.” 

“Thanks,” You closed your eyes again, assuming he would go back to talking. Instead, you felt the bed move just a little, “Don’t touch it.” 

“How’d you know I was going to touch it?”

“You’re predictable. Don’t touch my hair. We are not cool like that.” 

“But I’m your boyfriend.” 

“Okay? Don’t touch my hair.”

Lucifer huffed but didn’t continue to press the issue. You checked the time again and sat up. 

“Alright, well I’m going to go help my mother with Christmas decorations. I’m sure she’d be happy to have the extra pair of hands.”

When you joined your mother in the living room she already had three more totes of Christmas decorations. She quickly gave Lucifer the job of putting the lights on the pine tree while you set up the usual Christmas playlist. All the while your mother caught you up on goings on of her extended family. 

Lucifer noticed that your expression was just as politely attentive, yet secretly glazed over, as it was when he was talking before. He chuckled a little realizing you’d developed that skill listening to your mother. You put the hooks on the ornaments while your mother moved about putting little Christmas knick-knacks all over the place. Lucifer couldn’t quite grasp why you didn’t talk to your mother more. It was evident from the sheer volume of things she had to say to you that the two of you didn’t talk often. Every once in a while, your mother would suddenly remember that Lucifer was in the room and try to include him in the conversation, but to call it a conversation was a bit generous anyway. It wasn’t like you even got in more than a few words here and there. 

“Anyway, what about you?” Your mother asked an hour later, when most of the tree was done and you were giving Lucifer ornaments to put on the top of the giant tree in the front room. He stood on a step ladder to get to the top. 

“Same old, same old. I work, go home, and work again,” you said lightly. It was obviously a rehearsed response. 

Your mother gave you a reproachful look, “Now that can’t be it! You came home with a man, you gotta be doin’ a little more than that.” 

“I told you I met him at work. I didn’t have to divert from the routine.”

“Well then what did you two think when you first saw each other?” 

Your mother loved a good romance, you assumed the obsession came from a lack of saccharine romance in her own life. “Mom,” you sighed not wanting to hear Lucifer tell your mother that he wanted to bone you the moment he saw you. His vow of honesty could really work against you. 

“I’ll tell. The first time I saw your daughter it was at a crime scene for a serial killer. A nasty thing too. She was working the case instead of our usual forensic analyst, Ella, and I remember thinking she was so elegant amidst such a grizzly scene of murder. I went over to talk to her and she yelled at me.” 

“You were trying to touch evidence without gloves,” you contradicted.

“I was going to lean against the desk.” 

“Yes, evidence.” 

“Oh what was it the murder weapon?” he questioned. 

“No, but the killer had left prints on it, and you would have ruined the prints.” 

“I asked her to dinner to make up for my little mistake,” Lucifer spoke to your mother again, “and she said she would rather gouge out her own eye with a plastic spoon.” 

Your mother gasped, “That’s so rude, Pookie.” 

“Yes, Pookie, it was rude,” Lucifer looked at you triumphantly. 

You rolled your eyes, “Yeah, and then he gave me a plastic spoon and told me to gouge away.”

“You didn’t gouge your eye out, so I figured I still had a chance.” 

“He wore me down into being his friend,” you explained hanging an ornament on the tree. 

“And when did you accept a date?” 

“After… well after he saved my life,” you answered. You glanced up at Lucifer to give him another ornament and saw that one of his eyebrows were raised quizzically as if asking  _ You’re going to tell  _ **_that_ ** _ story?  _

You continued, “I really didn’t intend to be in the line of fire, my job doesn’t put me in harms way often, but the lead Detective needed me to help her confirm a murder weapon in a house. Lucifer is her partner so he was there. The building hadn’t been cleared yet we were going off of an anonymous tip. I had found the murder weapon… and the murderer too. Long story short… Lucifer took a bullet for me. I don’t know I thought he was a bit of a self centered jerk beforehand, but when he put himself in harm’s way for me it just...changed things.” That was the truth, and while it hadn’t led to the two of you dating, it led to you and Lucifer being good friends. 

“While I was with the EMTs I asked her to dinner again.” 

“And that time I said yes,” you chuckled thinking of the dinner that turned into a night of watching Love is Blind on your sofa and drinking wine. You expected him to suggest sex after the dinner, but for whatever reason he just asked if the two of you could keep talking. You still didn’t really understand what changed for him that night, but you were happy it did. Saying yes to dinner had really only been the byproduct of the fact that you felt bad that he got shot because of you. You were fairly certain you wouldn’t have slept with him then. Then again, you did get pretty wine drunk. You smiled a little remembering how he’d carried you to your bed before leaving your home. It was kind of hard not to be a little fond of the devil, especially once he stopped trying to pursue a sexual relationship but a friendship instead.

“That’s so sweet,” your mother cooed, “sounds like something out of a romance novel. Honey, why didn’t you ever tell me about that? You could have died.” 

“I didn’t want to worry you,” you answered, “everything turned out alright in the end.” 

"Yes, but if you moved back home and worked for your father-"

"I'd be miserable. Plus, I wouldn't have Luci," you tried to sound patient with your mother, but the last thing you wanted to do was work with your father and she should know that.  Lucifer got down from the ladder and took to helping you reach the middle of the giant tree, which was still pretty high up but well within his range. 

“You two _do_ make a beautiful couple.”

“Thanks, Mom.”

“So Lucifer, your parents aren’t missing you for the holidays?” your mom questioned. 

“Mom-” you began to scold but Lucifer put a hand on your shoulder. 

“It’s alright, darling. No my parents are not missing me for the holidays. They don’t really celebrate them. I am glad to be here with you all. I’m afraid your husband doesn’t seem as enthused to see me here.” 

“Oh, well. Y/N’s our only child and he’s just protective of his little girl.” 

“Is that what you call it?” You questioned. 

“Your father loves you.” 

“He’s got a really funny way of showing it.” 

Lucifer watched as your mother looked at you helplessly for a moment before turning to look at Lucifer, “Well I consider you very welcome here. I’ve been wondering what kind of man my pookie might bring home.”

“Do you approve?” Lucifer smiled. 

“Hm, I don’t know yet. I’ve only just met you.” 

Your mother soon excused herself to check on dinner in the oven while you and Lucifer finished up the tree. You wound up having to shimmy under the tree while Lucifer leaned it away from the wall for you so that you could plug the lights into a power strip and therefore make it easier to turn off and on daily. When you stood up Lucifer laughed at you. 

“You’ve got pine needles in your hair, dear.” He informed, looking down at you and the abundance of green needles sticking out of your hair. You shook your hair out dispelling most of the needle but still leaving a few. “Still some in there. I would offer you a hand, but you know.”

You rolled your eyes, “Alright, I’ll lift the rule one time. Help me out.”

“Come here,” he beckoned you over to pick the needles out of your hair, leaving you to stare down at his feet, then his chest as he tilted your head up a bit, and then finally his jawline as he worked on the front of your hair. He looked your hair over speculatively, looking for any pine needles that escaped his initial observation. There weren’t many times that you were allowed an up close view of Lucifer’s face. He had a very nice jawline and the stubble that defined his jaw really did wonders for him. It occurred to you, not for the first time, that Lucifer was allegedly the most beautiful angel. You often felt like that was an affront to Amenadiel who was… very attractive. If you didn’t know that he was Lucifer’s brother… and if he wasn’t so damn weird, you probably would have been enamored by him. Perhaps Lucifer was always the most beguiling angel, the one who could pull you in, make you listen, make you feel heard. Maybe that’s why when he fell he took so many with him. Maybe he was never the most beautiful, he was always the most charming. 

“I think you’re alright now,” Lucifer declared looking down to meet your gaze. You blinked, bringing yourself out of your thoughts rather abruptly. 

“Thanks, babe,” you answered nonchalantly, moving to step back, but Lucifer’s arm hooked around your waist, keeping you in place.

His usual expression of mischief and debauchery overtook his features again, “Hold on, darling, what was that? Are you falling for me?” 

“Nice try, I was just noticing there’s a little gray in your stubble. Someone’s getting old.” You reached up to hold his jaw in your hand and squeeze his cheeks. He batted your hand away. 

“Don’t lie to me.”

“Dinner’s ready- Oh am I interrupting?” your mother spoke as she walked back into the front room. You were suddenly aware of the position you were in with Lucifer and pushed his arm away so you could turn and look at your mother. 

“No, we’re just talking.”

“Mmhm,” she hummed skeptically, “Go get you father. He’s in his den. Lucifer you come help me finish setting the table.” 

You hurried towards the back of the house and down towards the basement. Your father had a plethora of hobbies and he used the basement and the garage to see all of them through. The stairway downstairs was full of pictures of you and your father. Once upon a time you were quite close. He’d been your whole world up until you were no longer the exact child he wanted. As your eyes trailed over the photos you could see exactly when the joy was no longer present in your eyes. Around sophomore year of college, your smile in those photos stopped reaching your eyes. He was present for every competition, every recital, concert, success,... and failure. The failures were not recorded on these walls of memories. They lived inside your brain, where they festered and bubbled up when you least expected. As you reached the bottom landing you looked at your college grad photo. You weren’t even smiling in it. You were decorated in plenty of sashes and medals and all you could see was how exhausted you looked. You tore your gaze from the photo and continued into the den. 

“Dad,” you called. 

“Over here,” came his reply over to the left. You came over to see him sitting on his favorite chair with a book. As you walked in he shut the book and looked at you expectantly. 

“Dinner’s ready.” 

“Alright.” 

You turned around to leave but he spoke again. 

“Y/N, are you serious about this boy?” 

“... Yes,” you answered, slowly turning to face him again. 

“So I assume there’s only white people named after the devil in Los Angeles.” 

“No there’s plenty of people of all races. I figured you’d be happy I came home with a man.” 

“Your only option was to come home with a man.” 

“Is that why you lifted the no guest policy?” 

“You belong home for the holidays. I’m not going to let you ruin your mother’s Christmas over some boy-”

“Oh stop, you don’t care about mom’s Christmas. You’ve ruined her Christmas over much less. You just wanted control, well fine I’m here. And yes, I’m very serious about him alright? He’s not like other people. He doesn’t lie to me, and he doesn’t try to control what I do. He’s the one person I know who’s exactly who he says he is.”

Your father scoffed, “It won’t last-”

“Even if it doesn’t it won’t make me come running back home to you.”

“Watch your tone.”

“Or what? I’m a grown woman. I will pack my stuff back up and go back to Los Angeles and spend my holiday in my boyfriend’s very successful club. It really doesn’t mean that much to me.” 

Your father kept glaring at you and you glared right back. Above your battle of wills with your father, Lucifer was having a very different conversation with your mother. He helped her get the plates out of the cabinet, and slice the fresh garlic bread that went with the lasagna for dinner. Your mother talked softer with him, which he found absolutely perplexing so he listened closely. 

“It’s good to know she hasn’t been alone all the way in Los Angeles. Mothers fret about that kind of thing. She’s always been so independent so I knew she could do it, but I still… well I still worry. I always knew it was best for her to leave though.”

  
“She’s never told me why she left,” Lucifer admitted. This was as good a time as any to figure out what made you so different from everyone else. Maybe it had something to do with a broken relationship with men in general. Though Lucifer was fairly certain daddy issues just made women more likely to fall into his bed. He first thought maybe you had poor attachment abilities because of your mother, but the woman was rather pleasant. 

“Ah well, she and her father don’t get along. It's always a power struggle.”

“And so you all sent Y/N away.”

“It was the only way,” your mother answered in a clipped tone. 

That was familiar. Lucifer laughed a little to himself. He understood, now, the problem you could have with your mother. He could imagine it perfectly. You, fighting with your tyrant of a father, looking to your mother for help, comfort, reassurance, anything and receiving nothing. She was just a passive audience to your torture. Before Lucifer could say anything else he heard you coming back into the kitchen. 

“You will not disrespect me in my own house,” your father asserted. 

“It’s not disrespect, it’s disagreement. You can think what you want. It doesn’t change what I think.” 

“Listen to reason.” 

“It’s not reason. You just expect me to blindly follow everything you say and I refuse. I’m with Lucifer. That’s final,” you asserted. 

“He is not right for you-”

“You don’t know him, and you don’t know what’s right for me. So maybe drop unless you want to have a cold dinner.” 

“You're going to wake up one morning and realize you wasted your life trying to be something you're not just to spite me.”

"Whatever, Dad. You're not nearly important enough for all that."   


When the two of you entered the kitchen you looked visibly upset and seconds from tears. Lucifer met you halfway as you walked towards him. You grabbed the salad bowl on the counter as if you meant to take it straight to the dining room. 

“Are you going to be alright?” Lucifer murmured as he stood beside you, just a breath away. 

You looked up at him and clenched your jaw against the urge to cry. It was odd to have someone immediately on your side after a fight with your father. It was unfamiliar territory and hearing him ask that satisfied some secret need deep in your psyche from when you were younger. How often had you wished when you were an adolescent that someone would come to comfort you after your father’s wrath? You’d spent your whole life watching your mother immediately scurry to your father’s side, just as she was doing now. You could hear them talking in the dining room. 

Lucifer moved in closer, bending down to make eye contact with you, “Do you want to change your favor? My offer is still on the table.”

You laughed a little, to think that it was enough to see you upset to have Lucifer offering a punishment for your father instead of this fake dating situation for your father. “I’m alright, Luc. Thanks.” you kissed his cheek and proceeded to grab the salad bowl and bring it into the dining room.   


Dinner started off tense and silent until Lucifer tried the lasagna, “Oh my, Mrs. L/N, this is phenomenal.” 

“Thank you, honey,” your mother forced a smile. 

“I told you mom was a better cook than me,” you reminded, happy that at least Lucifer could enjoy the food here. He certainly wasn’t going to enjoy the company. 

As if to prove your thoughts exactly your father spoke, “I’m sure if you spent time trying to be a homemaker and not some kind of…” he trailed off looking for the word. 

“Whore?” you offered, “Los Angeles tramp? Hoochie?” 

“Y/N,” your mother reprimanded. 

“I assure you, she’s anything but promiscuous. Honestly she could stand to loosen up a bit. But maybe she gets that from you,“ Lucifer said to your father. You turned to glare at Lucifer for comparing you to your father but he was too busy shooting an antagonistic little smirk to your father who was glowering at him. Instead of breaking up that soon to be fight, you took a big bite of your garlic bread. 

“So you want to make my daughter into a dollar hooker?” 

“I feel like I could charge at least fifty,” you contradicted around your bite of garlic bread.

“Fifty?! Darling,” Lucifer gasped, “You could get hundreds of thousands of dollars with the right connections.” 

“Thanks, babe,” you laughed. 

“Is that the life you want?” Your father snapped. 

“Not particularly. You just set the bar really low. I’m doing what I want to be doing.” 

“And she’s great at it. I don’t see what you could possibly be upset about.”

“Her mother was married by her age.”

“Perhaps marriage isn’t what your daughter desires.”

“I assure you it’s not,” You spoke.

Your father looked between the two of you with wild eyes, then to your mother, “Her mother had great values. She settled down, made a family the way you're supposed to.” 

“Hmm, mother dear,” Lucifer called and she looked up from her plate, “Did you truly desire to marry this man here?”

Your eyes almost bugged out of your head. You knew the answer to this question. Your father knew it too, but this wasn’t the kind of thing your mother would usually readily admit. Maybe you should have been upset at the fact that Lucifer was inciting so much chaos in your family on just night one. You didn’t even bother looking at your parents as you listened to your mother stutter. Your parents got married because your mom got pregnant. She was young, your mother always wanted more from life.  


“Ooo a complicated one, tell me what did you desire?”

“I… I didn’t want to get married. I wanted to travel the world and start a career. I wanted to be a traveling nurse,” your mother answered. 

You picked up your wine glass and took a long drink as you got ready for your father’s reaction.

Sure enough he had a wild look in his eye as he looked between your mother and Lucifer. 

“It’s never too late to do that,” Lucifer assured her in a kind voice, “You deserve to live your dreams.”

“I- I… I can’t believe I said that. I’m-” your mother stuttered. 

Your father slammed his hand down on the table. You snatched up your glass of wine before it could topple over. You smirked behind the glass. 

“You can’t stay under my roof if you are going to disrespect me and my family!”

“He asked a question and he got an answer, Dad. Hardly any disrespect there. Not his fault you didn’t like the answer mom gave. Besides if he goes I go.”

“You’re such a miserable, venomous person!”

“I wonder who I got it from,” you sipped your wine.

Your father stood up from the dinner table and stalked away. Your mother hurried after him you watched, supremely amused by the spectacle before setting your glass on the table again so you could pick up your fork. 

“I think I might be falling for you Lucifer. That was fantastic,” you laughed.

Lucifer was still stunned by how quickly dinner devolved. He didn’t even get a chance to worry that he ruined your evening, you seemed genuinely happy. You were happily eating your dinner with a tiny satisfied smile on your face. It was the happiest he’d seen you since you set foot in this house. 

“Happy to be of service, love,” he held up his wine glass, and you picked up yours to tap it against his. The rest of dinner was peaceful. Your mother came back briefly to get a plate for your father. He was probably eating in his den. 

“How do these dinners usually end?” Lucifer asked after the two of you had your fill of lasagna and you were both sitting back on your third glass of wine. You were a little tipsy and still riding on the high of tonight.

“Usually with me leaving to go cry in the shower. This is by far the best outcome I’ve ever seen.” 

“Why is your father… like that? I have to confess I’ve always assumed that you would be any parent’s dream child.” 

“Oh, I stopped being a dream child when I came out as bi. I’m not anyone’s dream anything,” you giggled, sipping more wine, “all the trophies, medals, and certificates suddenly meant less than nothing. It was worthless because they didn’t have a straight daughter who would bury all of her dreams in a man, have a child, and continue the vicious generational cycle of unmeetable expectations. Suddenly I was a defiant child. If I had a nickel for every time one of them told me a disobedient child lives half their days,” you giggled, “I could probably buy Lux from you.” 

Lucifer frowned at that, watching you study your wine glass as you swished the liquid around the glass. 

“So,” you continued, “After I graduated college I just left. Figured I’d already disgraced the family. I might as well do what I want.” 

“I know the feeling,” Lucifer assured. 

“Two family disappointments. I can’t think of a better match.” 

“You shouldn’t be a disappointment though. You didn’t do anything wrong.” 

You shrugged, “Doesn’t really matter. The end result is the same. I’ll be lucky if they don’t write me out of the will before it’s all said and done.” 

There was silence as you thought that over for a moment, you took a deep breath and started gathering your dinner and salad plates and then Lucifer’s.

“I can get that,” Lucifer spoke.

“Relax, babe, you can bring the rest of the lasagna to the kitchen for me.”

The two of you cleaned up dinner in companionable silence for a moment. You weren’t sure you ever heard Lucifer stay quiet for this long. You were too tipsy to properly enjoy it. Thoughts about other nights just like this one preoccupied your mind. You couldn’t even count how many times it was you leaving the house to go cry somewhere after a night of being demeaned. For once, you were a little excited about the holidays. When you finished putting things away you pulled out the chocolate cake your mother made for dessert.

“I think you deserve desert. Coincidentally, it's devil's food,” you grinned, “We can take this to the bedroom,” you winked.

“Naughty, I like it,” Lucifer entertained your antics. He had a certain fondness for you when you were just a little tipsy. It had everything to do with your immature innuendos and devil may care attitude. It was just adorable to see you let loose a little. The two of you went up to the bedroom with bowls of chocolate cake and vanilla ice cream and a bottle of fine cognac from the liquor cabinet. The two of you sat on a towel in the bed just in case you got chocolate outside of the bowl. That being said you giggled like crazy watching Lucifer put a towel on the bed, because of the sexual implications that could have under any other circumstance. The two of you sat together with desert and alcohol just like you did when you were home and Lucifer wanted a boring night in. Lucifer entertained you with stories from his cases with Chloe, stories of things that happened in Luxe, funny sexual escapades. Lucifer decided to take a shower before bed so you quickly changed into your pajamas and put on your robe to take the bowls and glasses down to the kitchen. You rinsed them and put them in the dishwasher. Your mother was in the kitchen. You cleared your throat to let her know you were there. She turned to look at you. 

She jumped a little before turning to you, “Were you eating in your room?”

“... I wanted to cuddle and eat cake with my man,” you lied, putting the dishes in the sink to wash. 

She sighed, “Some things never change.” 

“Tell me about it,” you grumbled. 

“Honey… I don’t know why I said that-”

“Mom, it’s fine. Lucifer has that effect on people. Besides, I wish you travelled the world and lived your dreams too.” 

“You are the best thing that could have happened to me.” 

You seriously doubted that, but elected not to talk back to your mother. You just silently put the dishes in the dishwasher. 

“I mean it. I wouldn’t take any of it back. You’re my favorite person. I just wish you’d call more.” 

“Mom, you always take his side. Every time he starts criticizing me you just sit there silently. It’s hard to believe you think so much of me when you won’t even stand up for me.” 

“When you leave I’m still here with him-”

“Mom you  _ chose  _ that. You chose him. You keep choosing him.”

“It’s not that simple. You’ll understand when you’re married.”

“I doubt it.”

“Because Lucifer’s so perfect?” she asked bitterly. 

“No, because he’s imperfect in ways that don’t ask me to compromise who I am to exist with him. Good night, mom.” You left the kitchen before it could become an argument. When you came back to the bedroom. As you were taking off your robe the bathroom door opened. Lucifer raised an eyebrow when he saw your pajamas.

"Those for me? Oh you naughty minx, under your parents' roof?" He grinned salaciously.

You covered your butt with your hands as you walked across the room. The silk tank top and short set had the awful tendency to show off the bottom portion of your butt. "No, no, I thought I'd be sleeping alone. I get hot when I sleep-"

"If you'd rather sleep in the nude..."

"No. I'm- you're maddening, you know that?"

"So I've heard. Come on, sweetheart, let's have a cuddle. " Lucifer prompted as he got under the covers.

You sighed loudly as you stood beside the bed. If you crawled in bed face first you'd be giving Lucifer quite the view of your cleavage, but if you sat down first then he'd get a view of you ass. After a moment of deliberation, you decided boobs were the better option, because your shorts could also give him a pretty stark shot between your legs. Not that you expected Lucifer to seriously perv on you, but he wouldn't be able to resist a witty remark at your expense. You climbed into the bed and stayed as far away from Lucifer as physically possible.

He laid on his side watching you with an amused little grin, "What have you got on your head?"

"Bonnet. It helps keep my hair looking nice."

"You look silly."

"Not a very nice thing to say to your girlfriend."

"My apologies darling but I don't lie."

"Go to sleep Lucifer. "

"Are you this bossy with all of your lovers? Because I think it's quite sexy, you know?"

"Is that all you think about? Sex? What about other things… like… what do you think about the portrayal of Lucifer in  _ Paradise Lost?" _

"Ugh, that story is absolute rubbish. My father did not turn me into a snake. In fact, I didn't even come to Eve as a snake. "

"Alright Dante's Inferno?"

"Awful. Hell's nothing like that."

"The Bible."

"Biased."

"Huh, pretty cut and dry. You know, I thought you would like  _ Paradise Lost  _ first before I remembered the ending… but I think it's the piece of writing that's most sympathetic to you. I mean… you  _ are  _ the hero of that story."

"It's not the worst story born from the bible. Is that all you read? Secular religious texts."

"No. I read a lot of things. I just don't know if there would be much overlap. I figured I'd start old. Ummm I read  _ Beowulf  _ and enjoyed it."

"Hmm in its original form? It's better in its original form."

"Luci, I can't speak old english."

"I suppose I should have considered that. Alright modern texts then."

The two of you talked about books you'd read until you weren't so self conscious about your pajamas. It felt a lot like a sleepover, especially once Lucifer turned off the bedside lamp.

"You know that night you saved my life?" You spoke into the dark, "You scared the shit out of me. All I could think is, this idiot is going to bleed out and all I've done is be rude to him for the last month."

"I remember you cried."

"Yeah! I felt bad!"

"You cried and you promised to be nicer to me if I didn't die."

"I kept my word didn't I?" you smiled thinking about it now. It was horrifying at the time. You were putting pressure on the wound while crying and literally praying to god that he'd be okay. You were speaking aloud without even noticing because he said, "I don't think God's going to do a miracle for me. I appreciate the sentiment." EMTs came quickly enough that he was fine but... he shouldn't have been and at the time you weren't completely sure that he was the devil so you figured God took up your deal so you had to be nice to him. It was through being nice to him that your realized that Lucifer wasn't the typical Los Angeles playboy. He accepted you weren't going to sleep with him and moved on to being your friend without even complaining. 

"I suppose you were nicer than before, but you're still mean to me." 

"Shut up, you like it. If I was 100% nice you'd get bored of me. If I'm not gonna give you a hard time about the stupid shit you do, who will?"

Lucifer chuckled, "You know me so well."

"Hm, are you going to get offended if I turn away from you in bed?"

"Oh absolutely, " he answered sarcastically, "what you don't love me anymore? Is our spark gone?"

You laughed at his dramatics rolling over on your side to get comfortable, "Yes, it's all true. It's not you, it's me."

"Good night darling"

"Night Luc."


	3. Chapter 3

The weirdest thing about having Lucifer in your family home was how easily he made himself at home there. You gave him one brief tour the second day you were here and he promptly made himself comfortable. Turns out, the devil's an early riser so most mornings he was awake before you. If you were the one awake before your host you'd linger in the room, maybe pester them to wake up, but you always found Lucifer with your mom when you finally rolled out of bed.

Lucifer was curious about you. You weren't exactly the most forthcoming with information about your past so this was his best opportunity to snoop around and get to know you. He studied the pictures of you through various ages all around the house. There was a pattern he was beginning to see. The pictures of you in the front of the house, or in places your father resided all featured some kind of award or competition. It seemed like you were a child with the full time job of collecting first place trophies, medals, and certificates. However, further into the house and in places usually populated by your mother there were pictures of vacations, first days of school, silly little pictures taken in a home that was much different from this sprawling one.

Your mother caught him in the music room sitting at the piano studying a set of pictures from an apple orchard. She came in and greeted him as she sat down beside him. She looked over his shoulder to see which photo caught his attention. It was one of you when you were around 5 or 6 holding up the bag of apples you picked with a happy little smile. She remembered that your father had to work that day so it was just the two of you on this little adventure. 

"Shortly after that picture, she took a bite out every apple in the bag because she wanted to make sure they were sweet."

Lucifer chuckled, "Well, were they?"

"I think so. I didn't want her to feel bad about ruining all the apples so I made them all into a pie. Her father would have lost his mind if he knew but she was just 5 that's what kids do."

Lucifer studied the picture of a tiny you holding a bag of apples with the same sweet little smile that made him agree to this favor. He got up to put the picture back where he found it.

"I have to ask," your mother began, "are you serious about my daughter? She's... she doesn't open up to people like this and I just... I need to know you're not playing with her."

He could answer that truthfully, "I assure you this is not a game to me. Y/N means a lot to me." It was the truth, you were a valued friend. You didn't get upset over things about him that upset other people. He was aware that you glazed over a bit when he talked but you were the only person he could just talk to and you wouldn't be trying to form an opinion or give him advice. Sometimes, he just wanted to vent. Lucifer came into contact with a lot of humans but you were one of his favorites.

Your mother considered that for a moment before she decided she was happy with that answer, "I'm glad she went off to L.A. She never would have been happy here. My husband has good intentions but he doesn't think anything good can happen if he doesn't hand select it. He tried to hand select a husband for her once."

"Really? How did that go?" Lucifer sat back down with your mother.

"Oh awfully. She went along with it for a few months but I get the feeling Bryson was an asshole. But my husband wanted her married by 25 and kids before 30 so he could start training her to take over his business. She was miserable here and even more miserable with Bryson... so I wasn't surprised when she disappeared a week before her wedding."

"She fled a wedding?"

"Yes, it was what her father wanted not what she wanted. She was a young woman with no kids in a loveless relationship. Why should she stay? And it drove my husband insane but you know... I'd never been more proud."

"So why not tell her from the beginning that you were on her side? Why wait and make her feel absolutely alone?"

"Up until the day she left I thought following her fathers plan would eventually make her happy. I mean I found fulfillment with marriage and a child. Now it seems so obvious, she's too much like her father to ever find joy in someone else's plan. It's why they don't get along. They're too much like each other."

"That's nonsense, anyone would rebel against such a controlling man. I don't think she's anything like him."

"You don't know my husband, or at least the best parts of him. Y/N got all the best parts of her father."

"I get the feeling she wouldn't take that as a compliment."

"No. Absolutely not."

Lucifer knew the feeling. He'd heard that assessment before about him and his father. They were too much alike to ever get along. He didn't think he was anything like God. He wasn't selfish, controlling, manipulative or withholding. He didn't make people jump through hoops to appeal to him. It wasn't a fair comparison.

Your mother decided to break the contemplative silence that fell between them, "Do you play?" She asked gesturing to the ivory keys

"I do play actually. It's what caught my eye in this room initially. Do you play?"

"I used to. It's been a while."

"Well come on what do you remember?"

When you woke up you heard the faint sound of a piano. You checked your phone, stupidly, to see if it was playing classical music for some reason but you quickly discovered that the music was in the house. You freshened up and tossed on your robe to go investigate. You knew your mother had a piano but she hadn't played it in your presence since you were a teen. It used to be commonplace to wake up to one of Chopin's nocturnes. You went towards your mother's "office" (it was more of a hobby room). It housed all the little things your mom did to survive suburbia. You leaned against the door frame and saw her and Lucifer playing piano. She seemed to be enjoying herself... which wasn’t something you'd witnessed in a while. Your mother thought she was fooling someone with her big smiles and goofy quips but you could always tell she wasn't actually happy. You just gave up trying to save your mother. She made her choices, you made yours. If her choices made her miserable then she would have to be an adult and make better choices. Nevertheless, it was… good to see her smile. 

“I’m surprised that thing’s still tuned,” you spoke when their song was over. You leaned against the body of the piano regarding your mother with more fondness than usual. It’s not that you hated your mother. It was just… complicated. 

“Well you know your dad likes everything in the house in tip top shape.” Your mother answered. You supposed she was right. Even if no one ever touched this piano again he would keep it tuned just in case a guest wandered back here and decided to play a tune. It was a part of his tirelessly efforts to seem perfect in the eyes of people who really didn’t matter. 

That thought reminded you of a part of this visit that you were dreading, “Have you picked out a dress for the company party yet, mom?” you asked. 

“Oh yes, remind me to show you. I was going to pick up something for you but I didn’t know your measurements.” 

“What’s this company party?” Lucifer asked. 

“Right, It’s an annual Christmas party for the CEOs, investors, and their families. It’s a black tie event and Dad holds it every year. It’s just an excuse to show off how wealthy he is. It used to be when he paraded me around like a prized pony, but… well I’m hardly worth parading at this point.” 

“That is not true. Your father is very proud of you,” your mother reproached. 

“He’s not at all.”

“When were you going to tell me this!” Lucifer exclaimed a little more appalled that you expected. Lucifer loved a good fancy get together. It was exactly up his alley. 

“... Because I didn’t think it would bother you. We don’t have to go-”

“Oh yes you do. You’ve been pushing your father’s buttons since you got here. He’ll throw a fit if you don’t come. He’s already told everyone you’re in town.” 

“My problem is not with gathering it’s that you failed to give me proper notice for the occasion. I didn’t bring a tux with me.” Lucifer continued arguing. You should have known his reasons were based in vanity.

“Babe, the closet is full of your suits.” 

“But those are suits I need a tux.” 

“Oh my goodness. It is not that deep!”

“It actually is,” your mother spoke up, “We can go out shopping. You’ll need a dress too, because from the sound of your attitude about the whole thing you’re going to be underdressed.” 

“Your mother is absolutely correct. If we’re going to a black tie event I refuse to be seen with someone underdressed.” 

“Whatever,” you shrugged, “this event just doesn’t mean enough for me to drop a couple thousand dollars on a dress I’ll only wear once, but if you two insist I’m not going to fight about.”

“Good!” Lucifer exclaimed, “Go get dressed.” 

Your mother told your father the three of you were headed out and he showed very little interest in what you all were doing. She had only to tell him that she was preparing you for the Christmas Party and he agreed without any problem. The three of you got into your mother’s SUV. You were kicked to the back while Lucifer continued talking about you to your mother like you weren’t there. 

“She can be all work and no play. I have to practically beg her to come to Lux with me. She works all week, sometimes through the weekend. When she does take a day off she doesn’t want to go out.” 

“Oh, her father is the same way.” Your mother nodded sympathetically, “But she’s never been overly sociable. I think she just needs less attention than other people.” 

“Or maybe I grew up with minimal attention and adapted,” you grumbled under your breath. 

“It’s a shame because when we do go out it’s always such fun. I will admit that she’s gotten me, of all people, to slow down. We have perfectly boring nights in. At first I was just doing it because it’s the only time she’ll reliably cook for me but the rest of her night-in is quite enjoyable. Do you know about the facial she does?”

“Describe it to me.” 

It didn’t really hit you until this very moment how much your mother and Lucifer were alike. They both had the uncanny ability to talk about absolutely nothing with so much passion it almost sounded like something worth listening. Maybe that’s why Lucifer didn’t bother you as much as he occasionally bothered Detective Decker. You grew up under the exact same conditions. It didn’t even phase you that he was complaining about how nights that he intruded one weren’t exactly what he wanted to be doing. You always figured that if he hated what you did so much he would leave. For whatever reason he kept coming over so he must not hate it that much. 

You kept your gaze fixed outside of the windows. All three of you were headed into the city to go shopping in designer stores so that people you didn’t particularly care about would look at you and know that you had money. It was all so shallow. Which was saying a lot considering you fled your hometown to live in _L.A._ Your work didn’t involve pretending to be someone you weren’t. You were a criminal psychologist and forensic analyst. Your work with criminals made you a valued asset to police, federal agents, and judges. That’s what was important to you. Nothing else mattered. You supposed perhaps you should thank your father for being such a horrible person, the way many of the cops in the precinct felt about you couldn’t begin to phase you. You got facts, if a detective didn’t like facts then they weren’t going to like you. That’s how you became something close to allies with Detective Decker. Everything about the Palmetto case rubbed you the wrong way. You were smart enough to stay quiet about it, but you’d let Chloe know, in private, that you thought she was onto something. You’d always had a fondness for Chloe. She really did seem like she was just trying to do some good. 

Your mother parked in front of a high end boutique and you got out of the car, following the enthusiastic shoppers towards stores with products higher than your mortgage in L.A. It was all so ridiculous. 

“I’ll let you two have your time together while I go over there.” Lucifer gestured to a business with suits in the front. It was small compared to the other stores on the strip but it looked to be the kind of place you go to get a suit of the highest quality. He took your face in his hands and kissed your forehead. You frowned and swatted at him not appreciating his show of affection while he was leaving you fend for yourself with your mother. 

Your mother wasted no time hooking arms with you and going into her favorite place for a nice dress in a pinch. She knew the woman inside by name and presented you proudly as she said, “Georgia, we need something extra special for my daughter. I know it’s a little bit of a time crunch but I’m willing to pay extra. For my baby to look her best.” 

“Say no more. What color are you thinking about?”

“I don’t know.” 

“Weren’t you listening earlier? Lucifer’s swinging towards red. Specifically a rich holiday red.” 

“To be honest, I wasn’t listening.” 

Your mother tutted at you and took over further conversation with the sales rep, Georgia. She and Georgia talked about you like you were a doll, pointing out places on your body to accentuate, and places to hide. You hated shopping for dresses like this because it was usually hours of being made aware of new things to be hypercritical about on your body. Nevertheless, when Georgia had what she needed she disappeared into the back to get a few styles. Your mother sat down with the glass of wine provided to her while you stood on a pedestal in front of a wall of mirrors

“How do you expect to keep a man if you don’t listen to him?” 

“Lucifer will repeat himself if it’s important,” which was one of the truest things you could say about Lucifer.

Your mother’s disapproving stare didn’t go away, “You know, that man really likes you and I can’t tell how you feel about him.” 

“I’m crazy about him, Ma.” 

She narrowed her eyes. 

“I really am. There’s no one else in the world like him.” Another truth, you weren’t lying as much as you thought you would, “Our relationship isn’t like you and Dad’s. He doesn’t care if I remember every minute detail of his interests. He doesn’t really expect me to be anyone for him but myself. He can complain all he wants, but the moment I start acting like anyone but myself he gets worried. He knew I wasn’t listening when you were talking about colors. That’s why he told you.” Another truth, Lucifer always knew when you weren’t listening. He accounted for it. 

“That sounds so nice,” Georgia spoke as she came back in with her arms full of dresses. You hurried over to help her so she wouldn’t trip on the fabric, “My husband makes me sit through every bit of his little mechanic lectures he puts on. I love him, but I just do not care what a motor does as long as it’s doing its job.” 

“Does he listen to you explain the things you love?” you asked mostly to make a point to your mother. 

“He can’t sit through it to save his life. Men, can’t live with ‘em, can’t live without him.” 

You laughed to be polite but really that saying was horrifying. You could most definitely live without men. Seeing your mother sink her life into your father had effectively scared you away from dating men in any serious capacity. Dating in general lost its luster long ago and now you much preferred being alone with no one around to make their problems your own. You had enough shit on your plate without someone else adding to it. 

The process of trying on dresses was just as nightmarish as you remembered it being, and took long enough that Lucifer finished what he was doing and came over to observe. He came in with all of his usual devilish charm. You knew the exact moment he walked in from the way Georgia reacted. You were facing the mirror and couldn’t see the door, but the way Georgia’s face went blank and her jaw dropped told you all you needed to know. 

“Did you get the fancy tux you wanted, babe?” you called. 

“I did, and now I’m here to be sure you get something that actually matches,” he responded coming around the various displays to see you standing in a mermaid gown that made you look like an unfortunate wedding topper. He immediately laughed. His laugh made you laugh too. After hours of your mothers sad face as she observed every dress that looked horrible on you, you’d begun to feel down as well. The abrupt change of atmosphere from forlorn to jovial was all you needed to hop out of sorrows lane. 

“You look like a 2010 prom queen,” he giggled looking at you. You looked back at the mirrors and saw exactly what he meant. This dress would have been perfect for a high school prom. Lucifer turned to Georgia. 

“This is no good, she doesn’t need all of this jeweling,” he spoke running his fingers across the glittering crystals across your bodice, “Her breasts are magnificent all on their own. This actually takes away from it.” He continued to give his pointers for things that looked good on you, and frankly you were shocked that he had so many opinions. 

When Georgia came back with a new round of dresses these were much better. The hardest part about these dresses was that they all looked pretty good. Your mother argued for a an off the shoulder dress that was just a beautiful as everything else. 

“Hm, that one is trying too hard to be elegant. Y/N does not need the dress to try to be elegant for her, she simply is. The one with the draped neckline is my pick, it’s effortless.” 

“The draped neckline it is,” you decided, wanting out of the current dress and into your normal clothes as quickly as possible. 

“Great, pick. I would recommend a loose corset for structure. Satin has a way of gathering.” Georgia explained. 

“Yep, add it to the bill.” 

After getting the dress your mother insisted upon jewelry and Lucifer did too so you had no choice but to go along and act like a mannequin for them while they put various necklaces, earrings, and rings on you. You supposed you shouldn’t have been surprised that Lucifer was so into this. He liked the finer things in life. He fit into all of this much better than you did. That’s not to say you didn’t enjoy a treat here and there, but spending all of this money on one day was just excessive to you. 

“What’s your ring size, darling?” Lucifer asked as he held your hand. He’d put a ring on your finger that was too big, and instead of just sizing you with the plastic rings that are specifically for that purpose, he just asked. You saw your mom wag her eyebrows over his shoulder. If the two of you were really dating, this would have been the perfect time to learn your ring size for the future. Lucky for you, you knew this whole arrangement would be over in a week and a half. You told him your ring size and he kept talking with the sales rep to get jewelry for you. 

The three of you stopped in a restaurant on the strip for lunch, and you were so tired you thought you might go to sleep in your salad long before your actual lunch got to you. 

“You should be thinking about kids,” your mother said to you.

“Don’t want ‘em. Luc, can’t have ‘em. Next topic,” you grumbled sourly, mostly because you were tired of being out in the public and you really wanted to go home for a nap. 

Your mother looked up at Lucifer, “You can’t have children.” 

“It’s an impossibility.” Lucifer answered, “It’s for the best. I might have fathered over a hundred children by now.” 

You snorted, “That’s aiming a little low.” 

“Well, we’re in polite company, darling.” 

Your mother was obviously speechless. You smiled to yourself as you ate, that would surely make her think twice before getting all chummy with Lucifer. Lucifer steered the conversation towards what he thought of how hard you were to get. 

“I think she just likes to tell people no.” 

“Oh I do. It’s actually one of my favorite things in the world,” You chimed in.

“But why? You miss out on such fantastic opportunities.” 

“Did it ever occur to you that I do other fantastic things instead of what others want me to do.” 

“So you’re intransigent just for the pleasure of it all. I suppose if I started off with telling you I had no interest in you, things might have been easier for me.” 

“No. I wouldn’t have thought twice about you. There’s truly nothing you could have done to make me want you sooner. I want what I want when I want it and not a moment sooner or later.” 

“What I heard is: I’m Y/N I don’t like to have fun, or date beautiful people. I enjoy suffering and being alone.” 

“I was going to say I don’t like suffering but then I remembered I decided to come home for the holidays and to also spend that time with you. So, I must be a masochist.” 

“Well, darling if you want some punishment-”

“Luc, my mom is right here.” 

“I’m sure you know all about punishment for pleasure don’t you mother dear,” he smiled at her and you watched your mother get flustered. You caught yourself laughing despite yourself at their exchange. He somehow got your mother to start talking about people she dated before your father and the three of you laughed so hard at times that you cried. 

By the time you returned to the house you were in good spirits, but still tires as all hell. You had plans to freshen up then get in bed for a nap. So that’s exactly what you did. You checked in with Lucifer to be sure he was cool with being left to his own devices with your parents. He was more than comfortable baking Christmas cookies with your mom. You didn’t want to play therapist too much but you wondered if his estrangement from his own mother was making him latch on to yours. Before long you decided you didn’t care. If he really wanted to, he could keep coming to holidays and you’d both pretend to be cordial exes. 

Things were fine for Lucifer, hanging out with your mother. She was a charming woman, flawed but well-wishing. She reminded him quite a bit of his own mother though yours was far more doting than his own. Your father came from his den while he was helping your mother make icing for the sugar cookies. 

“Lucifer, can I speak to you for a moment?” Your father called. 

Lucifer let your mother take over mixing icing, and he took off his apron to father your father back to his office. The office was what you’d expect the office of a man like your father to look like. It smelled of mahogany and leather a by product of the giant mahogany desk and leather chair that was the focal point of the room. There was a wall of shelves behind him with many books, and framed certificates. Lucifer noticed that a few of your degrees were on the shelf. He’d never cared to ask exactly what your degrees were in or how many you had, but there were at least three important certificates with your name on them. The wood paneling in the room made it seem darker than any other room in the house. It seemed like your father wanted very badly to be the Godfather. 

“Have a seat,” your father invited, gesturing to the leather chairs in front of his desk. Lucifer sat down and watched as your father opened what Lucifer first thought was a globe to reveal ornate glass bottles with matching whiskey glasses. He poured two glasses, one for himself, and one for Lucifer. He set the glass down in front of Lucifer before sitting across from him. 

“I have to say. I don’t like you,” Your father spoke. Something about the deadpan nature of that statement made Lucifer want to laugh. It was quite the statement to make considering they’d had all of two conversations with each other since Lucifer got there. To be fair, Lucifer didn’t care much for your father either. 

“What is it about me that vexes you so?” Lucifer questioned before smelling his whiskey. He was wondering lightly what kind of whiskey he was being served. 

“You are ruining my daughter. She is a bright young woman who could have her pick of men far more established than you and instead you are making her settle for you.” 

“I hardly think I’m making her do anything. Has it ever occurred to you to respect your daughter's choices?”

“My daughter doesn’t know what she wants. Anyone with a brain would jump at the opportunity I’m giving her. I am literally handing her a multimillion dollar business and she doesn’t want it all because she thinks she loves you.” 

“Romantic notion, but- and correct me if I’m wrong- Y/N left nearly five years ago. That was long before she ever met me. Is it possible she just doesn’t want that for her life.” 

“She was going to come around if you weren’t distracting her from what she’s supposed to be doing. Do you really think she’s destined to spend her life being a pawn for the L.A.P.D.?”

“I think she’s destined to do whatever it is she desires.” Lucifer answered coolly. Your father was visibly upset with how unbothered Lucifer was by him. He seemed to be a man that was used to getting his way from being intimidating, rich, and powerful. Lucifer wondered what he would do in the presence of someone he couldn’t intimidate or buy. 

“I can tell you truly believe you love her. So if that’s true. Break up with her. Let her be the woman she’s _supposed_ to be without you getting in the way of that. I can’t in good faith pass along my business or my wealth to her when she’s insisting on throwing it all away with you. You own a nightclub. I own an international marketing agency. Would you make her lose all that.” 

“I’m afraid that’s not up to me. I’m here for as long as she asks. If you want us to break up you would have to ask her,” Lucifer answered simply, “If this is such a good deal then you have nothing to fret about.” 

“How much?” 

“How much for what?” 

“How much do I have to pay you to get you to break up with me daughter.” 

“I can’t be bought.”

“Name. Your. Price.” 

“There’s not enough money in the world.” Lucifer smiled antagonistically. He made himself comfortable in the chair watching anger marr your father’s features. He took a slow drink of the whiskey in his glass before continuing, “Tell me, Mr. L/N, what is it you desire?”

His face relaxed as he looked at Lucifer and spoke, “I want my little girl back. I want her to want to follow in my footsteps the way she used to. I want everything the way it used to be.” 

Lucifer let out a bitter laugh as he stood up, “It seems to me, you’d ruined that. I don’t know Y/N to be a particularly resentful woman but she resents you. She might even loathe you completely. You ruined any chance of ever having what you want. I don’t even know what you did. But you do and you’ll experience that guilt for all eternity in due time.” He began to leave with his glass of whiskey but not before saying, “Thanks for the drink.”


	4. Chapter 4

You were trying your best to lace up your corset but between the fresh set of acrylics on your hands and the intricate nature of the corset you were just getting frustrated. “Luc, you know your way around a corset right?” you called from the bathroom. You were trying to keep your wits about you, you really were but honestly, this Christmas party was always awful. Your ex-fiance worked for your father so he was always there. The old rich men there were creepy and didn’t take a simple no for an answer, and if you had a chance to hope that other women would have mercy on you, that hope was quickly extinguished. They whispered amongst each other about all the little fuck ups you ever made in your life. It was maddening. Lucifer came into the bathroom with you, looking just as debonair as possible. You didn’t think there was nearly enough red in the tux to necessitate him deciding that you had to wear red but you supposed he had a brand to keep up. 

“I know my way around quite a few things, darling,” he purred as he took the corset from you. 

“You are something else. You know we could still skip this thing, have a night in the city, have some drinks.”

“Absolutely not. This will be fun! There’s no better place to stir up drama than a company party with a bunch of miserable old rich people. There’s no better group of people in the world to start a little chaos with.” 

“My father’s going to lose his mind,” you whispered staring up at the smug grin on Lucifer’s face. You knew no matter how much good Lucifer did there was still a part of him that liked to sit back and watch the things bad people loved go up in flames. That was never more evident to you than it was now as he was plotting your father’s break down. Maybe that should have scared you, after all you would be the one enduring the consequences of such a thing but it was also the kind of thing you dreamed of. 

“Lucifer do your worst,” you smiled up at him remembering the years you stood in the ballroom while people picked at the tiniest things about you. The whispers, the uncomfortable stares, the hands of men that slipped way too low during a dance, and at the epicenter of all of that was your father. You used to get through those parties when you were a teenager by imagining you were somebody else, a hero within her origin story that would someday be strong enough to crush the people in the ballroom to make them beg for mercy long before they received it. All of that anger and hurt bubbled up to the surface quicker than you could put a lid on it and suddenly your eyes were watering. You abruptly looked away from Lucifer trying to get a handle on the violent emotions that reared their ugly heads all at once. You weren’t fast enough for Lucifer not to notice.

“Are you crying?”

“I’m angry. It’s just a stupid thing that happens when I’m really mad.” 

“If it bothers you so much I’ll behave-”

“No you don’t get it. That… it would be great if you gave those old bastards hell. For nearly a decade those nasty pieces of shit have made this event a nightmare for me.”

Lucifer gave you a confused look. You hadn’t anticipated getting into your tragic backstory but it seemed now was as good a time as any to let Lucifer know why you weren’t particularly thrilled to go to this event 

“I’m just a commodity to them. You wanna know why pervert cops don’t phase me, I grew up having 40 year old men leer at me while I was 16 and there was no protection. There was nobody to stand between me and them or just tell them to keep their hands off of me. There was just my dad telling me not to embarrass him in front of his investors, and my mom telling me I was making a big deal out of nothing. It’s like no one believed me. Honestly, I started to think my dad was encouraging it. Maybe I’d be stupid enough to be infatuated with one of his investors and he could get that money in the family. I just… I felt like a piece on the chessboard and then-” you stopped yourself. You were venting, something you didn’t get to do often, but there were things you couldn’t talk about, not while you still had somewhere to be. There were parts of your past that you never wanted to touch your life in L.A.. 

You took a deep breath to steady yourself, “If I could watch you make those people half as uncomfortable as they made me that would make this whole trip almost worth it.” 

“...Consider it done,” Lucifer spoke with wide eyes. 

“Alright, now corset me so I can do my makeup.” You turned your back to Lucifer and took off your robe so that you could put on the last undergarment necessary for your dress. You set the robe on the counter. Lucifer handed you the loose, partially laced corset to put on. In order to have your shoes on you had to put them on before the corset because the steel boning made bending over difficult. Your hair was already done so there was no way you were putting this on over your head. That left stepping into the corset with heels on. Fortunately, Lucifer was gentleman enough to lightly hold your hips when you started to wobble during the endeavor. Once the corset was over your upper body, Lucifer began to lace. 

Out of boredom, you turned your head to look in the mirror to admire the process. You had to admit, you looked damn good in thigh highs, panties and a corset. You couldn’t see your shoes in the mirror but you could imagine that they made you look even better. Almost without thinking about it your eyes wandered up to Lucifer to see him lacing the ribbon with a kind of measured precision that definitely made you think that he was well versed in lacing corsets. Or maybe he was very good at unlacing them and this was just working backwards. Either way he seemed to be a little far away like he really wasn’t even focusing on the laces. 

“Fill your stomach with air, I don’t want to make this too tight.” Lucifer spoke. 

“First time I’ve heard that. The motto in this family is we can always go smaller.”

“Astonishing considering how unsightly it is for you to faint,” he quipped bitterly. You grew quiet realizing that he was annoyed. You couldn’t tell if it was with you or not, but you just had to hope he wasn’t. You did as he said pushing your stomach out so that you would have room to breathe in the corset. He tucked the excess lace into the top of the corset and pressed the lace cover over the eyelets so that your dress would lie smooth over the corset. 

“Thanks, Luc,” you murmured, picking up your robe to shrug it back on. You weren’t really sure what you could have done to annoy him, but it could simply be a product of being stuck with you for so long. That didn’t really add up because when you left the bathroom to sit at the vanity he followed and leaned against the table top. 

“You know we can go out after if you want… or you could, if it would make you happy.”

“I’m alright.”

“Are you sure?” You looked up at him now trying to say with your eyes that you could handle whatever he needed to say.

“Your hair is very nice,” he complimented abruptly. 

“Oh, thank you… I um did it myself… but you know that… You were here. I’m gonna do my makeup now.” 

Your makeup took about an hour but when it was done you felt like a princess. You grabbed the dress off of a hanger in the closet and stepped into it with Lucifer’s help. He also helped you put on the delicate diamond necklace he insisted you get, and you put on your earrings. They were diamond dangling snowflakes. Lucifer gave you a look you couldn’t quite understand, it almost looked sad, but you didn’t get a chance to ask him about it before your father was calling up to you from the bottom of the stairs.

“I’m almost done!” you called back, turning to give yourself a once over in the mirror. 

“You look ravishing, Y/N,” Lucifer spoke, “Not a hair out of place.” 

“Thanks,” You made yourself smile, even though you still felt a bit of unease between the two of you. Lucifer offered you his arm as the two of you left the room and walked towards the top of the stairs. As you descended the stairs you noticed your mother and father in the living room. Their coordinating color was silver. Your mother was just as beautiful as her wedding pictures in the shimmering silver. Your father, well he cleaned up well, even if there was nothing to do about the stern look on his face. It felt a little bit like your high school dances having them look up at you as you descended the stairs in heels. Lucifer was there to be sure you didn’t take a tumble but something about it was still nerve wracking. You and Lucifer went to join them in the living room but your mother screeched excitedly. 

“You’re under the mistletoe!” She exclaimed. 

You immediately went to move. She probably set it up for this exact moment, and the idea of that was maddening. It was like everything had to be an absolute spectacle for her entertainment. Lucifer was already visibly annoyed with you; you didn’t really want to live through him rejecting you for something you didn’t really even want.

“No! Stay right there! I want a picture for memories!” Your mom enforced. 

You looked up to Lucifer to give him an apologetic look. The two of you had almost made it through the first week without doing anything more than saying you were together. Sharing a bed was a little intimate, but you got used to it. This was definitely stepping over a line. 

“Well, rules are rules,” he responded to your apologetic look.

“Mom, my lipstick-”

“Shut up and give me this,” she snapped at you. You made an effort not to look too put out about it lest you make it obvious that this was all a sham. 

Lucifer put a finger under your chin to make you look up at him. He was smiling at you, as if the whole situation genuinely amused him, which was odd because a few minutes ago you could have sworn he was mad at you.

“It’ll be something to look back on fondly,” he joked, leaning down to press his lips against yours. Your whole body was hot with… embarrassment. You decided to name the dangerous molten feeling slipping down your core embarrassment. The artificial shutter sound of your mother’s phone told you she took the picture and you broke away from the kiss. You opened your eyes to see your lipstick on Lucifer’s mouth. 

“See?” you complained, trying to rub the lipstick off with your thumb, “I would have worn a liquid lippie if I knew you were gonna make us kiss.”

“Well a lady should be ready for anything,” Your mother insisted as she crossed the room with a makeup removing wipe from her purse, “That’s why I keep these on me.” 

“Oh, Mrs. L/N, what do you get up to?” Lucifer wagged his brows.

Your mother hit his arm lightly, “It’s just for makeup touch ups.” 

“Yes, I can think of a few situations that would necessitate a touch up.” 

Your mother winked at him and you gagged at what they were both implying. 

“Do you want to go get some makeup wipes, love?” Lucifer asked, “For touch ups.” 

Before you could answer your father butt in, “That will not be necessary. I know your place of work makes behaving like a heathen come naturally to you but this is a professional environment.”

“Maybe I will go get some makeup wipes,” you responded, as you turned to get to the stairs. 

When you were halfway up the stairs your father said, “I don’t know why I said anything. You like sneaking off into closets.” 

You elected not to respond, instead going up to grab some makeup wipes to put in a little ziplock bag in your clutch. It would be important for actual touch ups. You wouldn’t be allowed even the slightest imperfection. 

“Interesting choice to antagonize your child and then expect them to revere you.” Lucifer spoke. 

“How I raise my child-”

“You are not raising her anymore. She’s an adult, capable of making her own decisions.”

“Do you know about her?”

Your mother spoke your father’s name in caution. Lucifer studied their interaction. He wondered if this moment had anything to do with the words you chose to omit when you were talking about the history of this Christmas party. 

“No, the man should know what kind of abomination he’s taking up for. Y/N calls herself bisexual.” 

“Is that all?” Lucifer chuckled, “I thought you were going to say she was an evangelical Christian.” 

“Do you know what that means? She’d lie down with a man or a woman.” 

“Hm, both at the same time is the best way to go,” Lucifer smiled, “Is that truly the worst thing you have to say about your daughter? I can think of at least three more maddening things about her. The way she color codes her notes, she doesn’t know anything about vintage cars and refuses to learn anything about them, and she doesn’t even like whiskey.” 

“You might think it’s fine to trivialize this kind of thing but her first little girlfriend knew enough to end it all rather than continue a life of sin.” 

“That’s enough!” your mother snapped, “Let’s go to the car.” 

Your father scoffed as he grabbed the keys, “Hurry up, Y/N!” 

You came back down the stairs just as the front door slammed closed behind your father. Lucifer stood at the bottom of the stairs waiting for you. That sad look was back on his face and you were beginning to think that he was acting before for your parents’ benefit. You supposed you did ask him to look like the two of you were in a happy relationship. As you got to the landing, Lucifer held your coat open for your put on. 

“Shall we, darling?” 

You were going to rent a car for this occasion so you could leave whenever you wanted to. Of course Lucifer wasn’t satisfied with just driving a normal car. He insisted on a vintage car, so you let him take care of it. You shouldn’t have been surprised to see a vintage Rolls Royce waiting for you. You would have made a dark joke about the car feeling racist but Lucifer still seemed put out with you so you just got in the car. You could tell there was something on Lucifer’s mind, so you waited for him to speak, and speak he did. 

“Why do you come here?” he asked. 

“... Lots of reasons, Luc.”

“Your father treats you like a pawn in his game, he never has anything nice to say to you, and your mother just stands by and watches. There’s nothing here  _ for  _ you. Why do you come here? And don’t say it’s for your mother. She would be fine if you stayed in L.A.” 

“I know.” you answered calmly. 

“I understand why you left. You had to leave. I just can’t imagine continuing to bend to your father’s will, to play the person he wants you to be in his narrative.” 

You knew Lucifer was just talking about himself and using your situation to make himself feel better about his own so you tried not to take offense to it. “I’m the bad guy to him no matter what I do. I really do come here for my mother.”

“No you don’t! If that was the case you wouldn’t have lied about having a boyfriend to get out of it. Or at the very least you’d catch a flight closer to Christmas! Why do you come to these things if you truly detest your father-”

“Lucifer it’s complicated-”

“Well try explaining it to me!” 

“I- I just. My father would start paying off people to ruin my life. I know he would. To some degree I know he tolerates my lifestyle because he thinks some day I’ll come crawling back. Maybe he’s right. I come here because… because sometimes I forget what he’s like and I need a reminder why I can never get weak. And maybe there’s a part of me that wishes by seeing me, he’ll understand what he’s doing to me, what he’s been doing to me, and he would stop, and we could all be a family again, because Luc it’s lonely without a family, without people who truly know all of you. But of course, he doesn’t see what he’s doing as bad so I just get angry and spiteful and I figure if I can’t have a good holiday then neither can he.”

“You’re still living for your father.” 

“And?! You’re doing the exact same thing! You don’t get to look down on me when everything you do is to piss your dad off in one way or another. Living in spite of someone is still living for them.”

“Do not speak on how I handle my father!”

“The don’t speak on how I handle mine!” 

“Fine.” 

You huffed crossing your arms in front of your chest. The silence in the car gave you time to be in your thoughts. It probably wasn’t the best idea to poke at Lucifer like this considering you still needed him. Besides you knew he was just projecting. You glanced at him out of the corner of your eyes and saw that he was holding the steering wheel dangerously tight. Regardless of this conversation Lucifer had been standing up for you since day one. He couldn't really think less of you for this… could he? He entered the valet line at the venue and let his hands drop into his lap as he waited for the line to move. He seemed to be looking everywhere but at you which was a sure fire indicator that you'd hurt his feelings. 

“Luc, we can't go in here mad at each other,” you spoke softly. 

“Sure we can.”

"Well I don't want to. More than half of those people in that building just think of me as my dad's fuck up of a daughter. I don't want to be that to you. I wanna be the same girl you voluntarily watch reality T.V. and drink wine with. So I'm sorry I talked about you and your father's situation I had no right that was uncalled for. I know that’s a sore spot. Talking about my dad is too and I got defensive.” 

Lucifer turned to look at you now, the bright lights in front of the venue lit his profile in a honey glow as he regarded you. You wondered if you managed to look half as debonair in the limited lighting. 

“I agree." Lucifer responded, "You did get defensive. I accept your apology.” 

“... Do you want to apologize?”

“No.” he switched his attention forward so that he could move up in the line.

“Well… I guess you’re not the first man to refuse to apologize for hurting my feelings.” you huffed and looked away.

Lucifer glanced at you, appalled that you were comparing him to your father. You saw his expression in the reflection of the window so you decided to continue. 

“They say girls date men like their fathers but I really thought that I managed to do the opposite.”

“I’m sorry.” Lucifer let his head rest against the seat as if he was tired. 

“You’re forgiven. Just… I know that this doesn’t make sense, okay? I know that my dad won’t ever look at me like he used to. I know I ruined that… He points that out to me enough. I don’t need another person to tell me.”

“You didn’t ruin it. Your father did. It was never your fault.” 

“Thanks… could you never be mad at me again? You're my best friend and those couple of minutes really sucked.” 

Lucifer chuckled, “We just had our first fight.”

“I think it went really well.” 

“Should we kiss?” 

“Absolutely not.” You laughed watching the car ahead of you crawl forward. 

"You didn't enjoy the first one?"

"Eh. It was cool," you shrugged, "I don't think it's your fault I was unimpressed. My heart just wasn't in it."

"You know, you are a mystery of a woman."

"Is that why you like me so much? I'm your little enigma. "

"That's a theory.”

The two of you pulled up to the valet and Lucifer handed over the keys. You grabbed your clutch and nervously smoothed your dress as the valet opened the door for you. You murmured a thank you to him then hooked your arm under Lucifer's as he walked up to your side. The venue was covered in Christmas decorations. The entrance was neatly shoveled so that the sidewalk was framed with pristine white snow. After all, no one in this crowd was going to step through it. It reminded you that it had been years since you went sledding. Those weren't the kind of outings you usually did when you were home but maybe you could talk Lucifer into it one of these days. 

Lucifer took your coat as you went inside and held it as you stood in line for the coat check. You noticed people looking at you. It was no easy thing being the founder's daughter. There were new faces at the function who shouldn't have spared you a glance but they were staring too. Was there a pamphlet that they gave new employees and investors about you? Was it absolutely necessary for all of them to gawk like this?

"I guess dad made an announcement that his biggest disgrace was coming."

Lucifer handed over the coats, gave his phone number and name before responding to you, "What makes you say that?"

"People are staring at me."

"Honey, those are lustful gazes. Trust me I know them when I see them. It's to be expected, you're the prettiest woman here."

"I'm just the youngest."

"That too. I meant it earlier, darling. You look exquisite. Practically good enough to eat."

"Stop it. You're biased."

"I don't lie. There's no need to be modest. I certainly won't be, " Lucifer led you towards a tight throng of people trying to get into the main hall, "Excuse me, the two best looking people here are coming through. Make way. Founder's daughter and her dashing date, making our way through," he announced. You giggled following his lead through everyone to go into the main hall. Your father was on the stage with the band. You weren't sure what he was discussing but he didn't seem happy. 

"Hm something didn't go to plan."

"Good, I hope everything but this bar fails," Lucifer responded on his way to the bar. He was ordering while you watched your father throw a fit with the band. 

"What will you have, darling?"

"Oh, moscato d'asti." 

"You've got such a sweet tooth."

"I like a good dessert wine. We can't all enjoy burning bitterness."

"It doesn't burn. Well as long as you don't shoot it. Here," Lucifer gave you his glass.

"Brown liquor makes me horny. I'll pass."

"Oh all the more reason to partake."

"I'm not going to say yes to you especially when we're going back to my parents' house."

"I suppose that makes sense. I've been known to make any partner a screamer."

"Is it that bad?" You brought the glass up to smell the whiskey inside. Lucifer gave you a withering glare in return for your comment before he took the glass from you.

"Not quite the right glass for that, here let's add a bit of water," he turned to the bartender and got some water. He stuck his finger in it before pouring a bit in the glass

"I don't wanna drink your finger water."

"I had to check the temperature darling. Can't tell you how many times I've had a good glass of whiskey ruined because the person behind the bar put the damn glass under a hot tap."

"Why are you watering it down?"

"So you can taste it. If I gave it to you neat it'd be too strong."

"You drink it neat."

"I do, but I enjoy the flavor. You, Little Miss Dessert Wine, need the alcohol content lowered." He gave you the glass again before continuing, "now when you drink, don't just swallow it-"

" _ You're  _ telling me not to swallow?" You giggled. 

"Oh we'll get to the swallowing, but first you want to hold it in your mouth, swish it about a bit so you can get the full flavor profile and then swallow. It should go down smoothly."

You did as he said and your nose crinkled just a bit against the flavor of the alcohol. It wasn't nearly as bad as you thought it would be and as Lucifer had promised it went down relatively smooth. 

"Look at you, drinking like a pro," he teased taking the glass back.

"Whew that settled right below the belt. I'll stick with my wine but thanks for the lesson."

"I'll teach you to swallow anything any time."he assured as you sat at the bar beside him. You heard the bartender chuckle at him and you smiled because you knew this bartender was going to have an awful night with these rich assholes, but at least your rich asshole made him chuckle. 

"Don't laugh at him. You're just stroking his already over inflated ego," you joked, "can you teach me how to swallow bleach next?"

"Under the right circumstances."

"And what are those?"

"When you're snoring at night."

You laughed, "You're so mean to me. You can’t be mean to the person you called the prettiest woman here."

"I can and I will when it's you. Pretty or not someone has to put you in your place."

"Not a degradation girl. Doesn't work. You know the only way to deal with a brat is a long, hard spanking," you purred in an over the top sexy voice.

"Careful we're supposed to be proving we're not heathens."

"You're the original heathen! You invented being a heathen!"

"You're absolutely right, so over the knee then?" He asked, making you fall into another round of juvenile giggles. As if your father could sense that you were having fun he was suddenly coming over. 

"You two took no time finding the bar" he observed, "Scotch on the rocks," your father barked at the bartender.

"Well it wasn't exactly hidden," Lucifer responded. 

"I'm announcing the start of the party soon."

"Alright, we'll be here." You assured still laughing a little at how genuinely cross your father seemed at the prospect of you enjoying yourself. 

"You better not embarrass me." Your father grumbled. The bartender set a glass on the bar and your father took it before making his way back to the stage. You gulped down the rest of your wine in a desperate attempt to keep your spirits high.

"You scrunch your nose when you're angry and I've always considered it the most endearing thing. You have such a cute nose." Lucifer said in an off hand manner as if he’d been thinking it for a while and only now chose to say something.

"Are you getting sappy with me? I liked it better when we were talking about swallowing and spanking."

"I can't compliment you now?"

"You can't compliment me so earnestly. I might get the wrong idea." You joked.

"And what would be the wrong idea?"

"That you actually like me," you giggled, setting the wine glass on the bar. Your father's voice cut through the moment as he welcomed the waiting masses. You asked the bartender to top off your glass and Lucifer got another neat whiskey before the two of you left the bar. You stared at the familiar faces all around you unsure of where to go, or what to do with yourself. Usually, you’d make yourself invisible, try to blend in with the decorations. However, Lucifer’s arm was around your waist leading you towards the eye of the storm. Of course, you didn’t get far before someone was calling your name. Lucifer turned the two of you towards the sound of your name being called. It was a couple that you hated. They were one of the more wealthy people here, and therefore the chances of your mother or father reprimanding them for anything they did was nonexistent. In fact, your father used to encourage “friendly dances” between you and the husband Mr. Grohz. Mrs. Grohz always gave you the feeling that she would wear your skin given the chance. She had this way of looking at you that was somehow more predatory than her husband. She had powdery white skin, the texture of tissue paper. Tonight she was wearing a blue gown that showcased her most recent boob job. 

As they approached, you felt Lucifer pulling you just a little bit behind him. You weren’t positive he was even aware he was doing it because when you looked up at him he was staring with narrowed eyes at Mr. Grohz. You looked at Mr. Grohz and saw that his eyes were trained on you, but instead of the weird predatory leer he usually gave you there was anger in his eyes. 

“My, oh my, don’t you look about as pretty as a poinsettia in the snow. Come here, let me look at you,” Mrs. Grohz cooed. Even if you wanted to obey her you couldn’t have, Lucifer’s hold on you was too tight. 

“I’m sure you can see her just fine from where you are,” Lucifer spoke. Mrs. Grohz turned a wicked glare to him, until it seemed she fell under whatever supernatural charm Lucifer had and her gaze softened. 

“Well, you must be Y/N’s little boyfriend. Yes, her father told us about you. But no one said how handsome you were.” 

“What a pity to be undersold,” Lucifer spoke but he didn’t speak with his usual charm to this woman, instead he was still giving her that speculative glare. 

“Truly a pity. This is Lucifer Morningstar...love of my life,” you added the last part to detract from the fact that they were trying to minimize your relationship. You noticed Mr. Grohz look at Lucifer now with his scathing glare. 

“I suppose it was only a matter of time before someone noticed our little diamond in the rough,” the man spoke in his gravelly voice. 

“Hardly in the rough. I’d call her a modern day Venus, born in beauty. Isn’t that right darling?” 

You hit him lightly, “You’re biased. He’s such a sweetheart, honestly I couldn’t have gotten luckier.” 

“I think  _ he’s  _ the lucky one. Tell me son, what’s she like?” Mr. Grohz smiled conspiratorially and you wanted to wretch. 

“Does Mr. L/N know how you talk about his daughter?” 

“It’s just a little talk amongst us men. No need to get uptight about it.”

“I think I will. You know I think I have an idea, but tell me, what do you want most in the world?” 

You cringed waiting for whatever vile thing this man was about to say. His face relaxed as he looked at Lucifer as if he were transfixed. 

“I want to… relive my glory days, be the man I was 30 years ago.”

Lucifer nodded, “Can’t get it up like you used to huh? Well, a lack of virility is to be expected in human men, no need to harass women about it. Buy a little blue pill and find someone who’s interested in what you have to… offer.” 

Mr. Grohz’s eyes were wide, as he became aware of what he just said. Before he could speak again Lucifer turned the two of you around. As the two of you walked away he leaned down to speak to you quietly. 

“I was afraid to ask the missus what she desired. I can only guess it was to wear a human leather jacket.” 

“That’s my guess too.” 

“I assume he’s one of the people you were talking about.” 

“Absolutely, but you’d be hard pressed to find someone who hasn’t said or done something off the wall to me in our current company.” You looked around and noticed another familiar face, “Mrs. Prosner called me a little monkey when I was 13. She said it like a term of endearment buuuut, I’m sure you can see the problem with that. Oh, and then there’s Mr. Learman over there, his son grabbed my ass when I was 16. He was 22 at the time,” you pointed him out in the crowd, “When I confronted his son, Mr. Learman called me a whore.” 

You and Lucifer stood by the hors d'oeuvres table while you continued to give him the tea on everybody in the room. There were various personal grievances, and some gossip that had nothing to do with you. Lucifer listened, entranced by the scandals of these corporate figures. As you were pointing out people you locked eyes with a man you knew well. 

“Ah shit, don’t look now, but my ex-fiance is here,” you spoke. 

Lucifer immediately looked. 

“What did I just say?!” you complained. 

“Which one is he?” Lucifer questioned, still looking and disregarding your complaints about it. 

“Dark skin, beard, too tight tux.” 

“I see him,” Lucifer verified, “Well, at least your father didn’t set you up with someone ugly.” 

“Yeah, I thought the same thing but then he started talking. Oh my goodness, you’re white so you’re only gonna get like… a portion of this, but Bryson both misogynistic and racist. It’s a crazy cocktail that gives him the audacity to say some crazy shit.”

“You’re right, I don’t understand that. He’s African American.”

“It only takes a little white brainwashing. We used to fight all the time because he thought I should be a modest housewife and not a bad bitch! And then he believed that he was allowed to cheat because he’s a man but I couldn’t. Have you heard the master key vs. the bad lock argument?”

Lucifer looked at you confusedly so you took that as a no and continued, “So it’s this argument that asshole men have that they should be allowed to sleep around while women can’t because a key that opens many locks is a great key, but a lock that opens to any key is a bad lock.” 

Lucifer became more confused and he blinked a couple of times before speaking, “Wait, if women are bad locks if they open to any key than who are these men having sex with?”

“Fuck if I know, man.” 

“What is there to complain about? If a woman wants to have sex… and you want sex what’s the downside? Is it too consensual?”

You gave Lucifer a look as you sipped your wine to tell him he was right on the money. 

“Well, that accounts for the disproportionate amount of men in hell. Earth really is a cursed place.”

“It’s awful here. An- Oh my god he’s coming over,” you cut off as you saw your ex-fiance approach. Your ex-fiance was a handsome man, of course he was that was his only selling point. He had a beard that connected, smelled like shea butter and sandalwood, and he was easy on the eyes. Those were all of his positive attributes. Usually he would spend this time rubbing it in your face that he was a wealthy businessman without you, and tell you you’ve gained weight in some shady way. Then he would imply that you would never find love because of all of your many shortcomings. You weren’t sure how this conversation would go now that Lucifer was here, but you would soon find out. 

“Y/N,” Bryson called as he approached the two of you. Lucifer turned the two of you around just like he had before, but this time he looked far more eager for this conversation and that made you incredibly wary. 

“Hey, Bryson. Lucifer,” you looked up at the grinning devil, “This is Bryson, I told you about him.” You imparted as much suburban, fake enthusiasm as you possibly could into your voice. Bryson was short compared to Lucifer and stocky. The tight tux was probably a fashion choice to show off that he was stacked. Again, his only positive attributes were beauty, everything else was a character defect that was probably perpetuated by the fact that he was so handsome.

“Hey man. Nice to meet you," he said as they shook hands,"I gotta ask, is that really your name? I mean, did your parents really name you after the devil?"

"My parents didn't name me after anyone. I  _ am  _ the devil. So yes, that is my real name."

"Right. Well, um nice to meet you. I don't know if Y/N told you but we used to be engaged."

"She did. How'd you lose out on this little ray of sunshine?" Lucifer asked, pulling you against his side fondly. He was really playing up the doting boyfriend card.

"Well, she walked out… a week before our wedding actually."

Everyone always made it seem like you just woke up one morning and decided to leave. In truth, you’d been planning to leave the moment your father arranged the engagement, you just needed time to build funds, find a job, and find a house in L.A. before you left. It just so happened that you didn’t have all of those things until a week before the wedding. Maybe it was cruel to go along with the whole charade, but if you let it be known that you were planning to leave your father would have frozen the accounts and trapped you here. Besides, wedding planning was the perfect cover for withdrawing large amounts of money from the account linked with your father into a separate account of your own. 

"So sorry for your loss," Lucifer responded, though he didn’t sound sorry about it at all. His hand rested on your lower back keeping you at his side as if he expected you to run. Depending on how this conversation went, you might.

"No need. It was your gain right? And it's all for the best." Bryson shrugged. 

"It certainly was my gain. If you hadn't been insufferable enough for her to run to L.A. we never would have met. 

"Luc," you reproached. It's not that Bryson didn't deserve harsh words it's just that he hadn't done anything to Lucifer to deserve them. This conversation could get ugly quickly and you didn’t want to be in the middle of it. 

"It's alright. One man's trash right?" Bryson eyed you speculatively. This is what you were trying to avoid. He could easily just hurl insults directly at Lucifer but instead he was going to insult you to get under Lucifer’s skin, which wouldn’t work because you weren’t actually dating. Therefore, you were the only one taking damage here. 

".... I left  _ you,"  _ you protested.

"Because you are a trashy individual who could not handle my elevated lifestyle. "

"Whatever you say. Did you bring a date? I want to warn the lucky lady that you don't cook or clean."

"No date, it's just me."

"Haven't found somebody enough like your mother to be with?" You cooed in a condescending voice.

"Oh, an oedipal complex to boot. You just get better and better. Now I have to know Bryson, I'm curious. What do you truly desire?"

You watched Bryson's face go blank as he stared at Lucifer. 

“I want to own everything Mr. L/N has,” he answered immediately. Bryson wasn’t a complicated man. You always knew that the sudden engagement was just a cash grab. Little did he know your father never intended for him to have a major part in the business. In the end he would just be a way for you to have a child, and perhaps the CEO of a local branch. You’ll give your father this much: He never doubted your ability to run his business based on gender. To be quite honest you could probably run his business now with minimal trouble. Your father spent your whole life telling you how to be a leader. Just because you chose not to use the knowledge he gave you for him, doesn’t mean you weren’t using it. The L.A.P.D. only paid so much and you were a girl who liked the finer things in life. 

“Envy, quite unoriginal. You know coveting is a sin?” Lucifer reprimanded but his tone held a fair amount of irony. Truly he was the last one who could talk about sin. There were a lot of things about Lucifer that you thought were contradictory, but none more grievous than his obsession with punishment. It seemed like a fallen angel whose punishment was dominion over hell wouldn’t be so keen on carrying out punishment for mortals. Wasn't he directly upholding his father's values and acting as judge and executioner for them? It wasn’t something you ever thought you could ask about considering how touchy Lucifer could be about those things but you wondered all the same. 

Bryson blinked, coming out of whatever trance Lucifer put people under, and now he was hard pressed to come up with an excuse for his confession. He settled for pretending to be unbothered, “I guess it is, but it was almost mine… if not for somebody getting cold feet.” 

“Bryson, you were never going to get the company. My dad is dead set on keeping it in the family. You would have been in charge of a local office, and my duties would have been more important than anything you ever did, meaning you’d have to put your career aside eventually in order to look after the child my father insisted we have. I did you a favor.” 

He looked at you with equal parts malice and disbelief. You were telling him the truth, at any rate, and he could make of it what he wished. It was always obvious when Bryson was thinking up the worst thing he could possibly say to you. It was evident during your engagement and it was more than evident now. His eyes swept over you looking for something to pick apart about you. Bryson could never be the next Mr. L/N, his assessments weren’t quick enough. Your father could glance at you for half a second and already have at least ten things about you he’d change. It was that discernment that built his company, and tore apart your relationship with him. 

“At least now I get why you ran. Seems some women like being on their knees for the oppressor.” 

“I was wondering what insult you’d land on. I was hoping for something a little more poignant than bed wench, but I suppose you did your best. Bryson, please, please read critical race theory before you come to me with your hotep bullshit. This is why you’d never be in charge of anything important. You’re too wrapped up in small details to get the big picture. I’m dating the  _ devil.  _ If you wanted to say something about my relationship you’d call me the whore of Babylon, or at the very least a Jezebel. If you’re going to come for me, come correctly. You’re a sad piece of shit who can’t see past the tip of his own nose. Everything you have was accomplished by stepping on black women every step of the way. I pray to…, well, Lucifer that hell for you will be that moment when Jessica Brown got the promotion to V.P. over you while we were engaged. And I never said anything then but… I wrote her letter of recommendation,” You ended with a smug smile. 

“You’re a bitter bitch.”

“I’m the bitter bitch that saw to it you’d never be anything in this company.” 

“Well done, Y/N.” Lucifer congratulated, “You heard the woman. I think we’ll take our leave now.” Lucifer led you away from where your ex was seething in rage. The moment you were out of his vicinity you filled with an almost childlike giddiness. 

“I have never spoken my mind like that. Holy shit. That was awesome.” 

“I can’t imagine why you ever held back, darling. This lot doesn’t deserve your restraint.” 

“It was ingrained in me from birth, man. I didn’t even really know I was doing it. Let’s do more.” You grinned. The two of you bounced around the room. Lucifer drew out people’s desires and you told them exactly why they would never achieve them. Years of being a passive listener to everyone’s bullshit armed you with knowledge enough to emotionally ruin every person whoever hurt you at this party. You understood Lucifer’s obsession with punishment. It felt good to dish out just desserts. 

The two of you wound up at the bar again. Your feet hurt so you needed to have a seat for a moment. Lucifer was still laughing from the last person the two of you talked to. His desire was to bend you over and call you his naughty little bunny while he took you from behind. Your response had been, “Sir, I find you repulsive.” 

“Are you partial to that?” Lucifer asked between giggles.

“To sex with him? Did you not hear me? I’d rather bash my teeth against a curb.” 

“No, I meant being bent over and called bunny. Gruesome image though.” 

“Oh, with the right person I’d entertain it.” 

“And who's the right person? What do you-”

You closed your eyes, “No that’s not fair.” you complained. 

“I wasn’t going to ask that. I was going to ask what do you like? What’s your type?” 

“My type…” you repeated swishing your wine around in your glass, “I like women who kind of look like they’d kill me. Which, you know, would explain my attraction to Mazikeen.”

“You have only to ask her,” Lucifer reminded. 

“She would ruin my life,” you chuckled, “just wreak havoc on my whole mental state.” 

“You’re right about that. Alright what about men?”

“Hm… men I like them protective, loyal, but not stifling. I think protective men sometimes fall into the trap of thinking I can’t do for myself. What I need protection from is them. Protect me from the worst of you, and the worst of men like you… because it’s obvious I have a blindness to men like you if I’m in love.” 

“That’s… kind of beautiful.” Lucifer responded. 

“I’ve thought about it a lot, considering my complicated relationship with men.” You shrugged.

“You expect more from men though.”

“I don’t. There are just things I don’t have to specify for women because we’re socialized to be a certain away. No one holds men to any standards. It’s why you can live the life you live and still be a respected member of society. So all of that in mind, I’m not actually asking for much, and there is quite a high reward for anyone who can pull it off.” 

Lucifer raised his eyebrows waiting for you to explain the reward you mentioned.

“I give some good ass head,” you answered just barely keeping the smile off of your face as you said it, “I mean gawk-gawk, glizzy gobbler 3000.” 

“What?!” he laughed,“Don't call it that. Why would you call it that?"

"The gawk is for that sound you make when you gag around it. You know what I mean. That-" you fake gagged and you and Lucifer devolved into juvenile giggles.

"Grade A sloppy toppy," you wheezed, "But ya gotta restrain yourself, no fucking up my hair."

"Stop it," Lucifer tried to be serious with you. 

"And I'm done sucking when  _ I  _ say. Don't you run from me, bitch."

Lucifer took your wine glass from you, "You've had enough of this, darling."

"I'm blaming the whiskey," you kept giggling up until your parents came up to the two of you. Your father looked livid. It didn’t phase you nearly as much as it should have because you were tipsy. It was enough to make you stop giggling though. 

“Would you care to explain to me why Mrs. Grohz was complaining to me about the two of you disrespecting her husband? Or why Bryson just accused me of blocking his vertical mobility at the company, or any of the other complaints about the two of you I’ve encountered tonight?” Your father’s nostrils were flared, a sure fire indicator that he was beyond pissed off. 

“Yes, Mr. Grohz is a perverted old man reliving his youth by harassing your daughter, for the charming ex I’d have to answer your question with a question. Are you blocking his vertical mobility? And for everyone else well honestly we were just having a bit of fun,”Lucifer answered. 

Your father turned his gaze from Lucifer to you, his eyes resolute. He grabbed the top of your arm roughly and tried to pull you out of the barstool, but Lucifer grabbed his arm. 

“Let her go,” Lucifer spoke in a low voice. 

“Why don’t you stay out of this, I need to speak to my daughter.” 

“Speaking to her does not necessitate touching her. So again, unhand her. You’d hate to make a scene wouldn’t you?” Lucifer made a point to gesture to the people watching them with his glass. Your father let you go reluctantly and you went up to hold the top of your arm. He hadn’t really hurt you in any substantial way. It was just surprising. 

“I get why she likes you. She enjoys being a disappointment and you bring out the worst in her,” Your father said glaring right at you all the while, “I hoped you would show some decorum-”

“Decorum!” you exclaimed, “So Mr. Grohz feeling me up since I was thirteen that’s decorum? Bryson telling me he’d have me barefoot and pregnant in a year the first time I ever met him that was classy right? It fit right in to the company event right? Decorum to you is me sitting quietly while all of you do and say whatever you want to me. Lucifer doesn’t bring out the worst in me, you do. Because you would have me never speak up for myself. I’m done doing that. So you can kick me out, or you can leave me alone. Choose quickly.” 

“Y/N, this is family business. We can discuss it when we get home. Right now you’re embarrassing your father,” your mother scolded in a rushed whisper. 

Lucifer put his arm around your shoulder as he spoke, “He should be embarrassed! He should be bloody ashamed of himself. You have a business full of people who would make a victim of your daughter given the chance, and some who have already done so and you’re upset because she’s standing up for herself. Shame on you.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about!” you father yelled drawing the gaze of just about everyone at the event.

“Father, get a hold of your emotions,” you spoke calmly, “You’re making a scene.” 

Your father took a deep breath as if to yell some more, but instead he stormed away from the bar, and your mother spared you a reproachful glare before hurrying after him. It didn’t even phase you. Nothing that made you happy was ever going to be something they approved of. It was enough to just sit with your best friend and giggle like idiots at the bar. This reminded you of rare nights when you wanted a crazy night out. Lucifer always made a big deal about it and insisted upon hosting your night at Luxe. You weren’t one to turn down free booze. The two of you always wound up sitting in a booth laughing until you cried at the other clubbers. Lucifer would sit close to you, his lips right by your ear as he spoke to you. Those were some of your favorite nights. You didn’t trust getting drunk with very many people, but you trusted Lucifer. He always saw to it that you wound up somewhere safe, so either on the couch in his penthouse, or in a car with Maze to escort you home when he intended to bring people up to his penthouse. You were pretty sure that Lucifer was the only man that had ever been alone with you while you were absolutely sloshed. “You’re staring at me,” Lucifer pointed out. 

“I’m thinking,” you explained.

“Penny for your thoughts over a dance?” he held out his hand and you looked around to notice the couples closer to the stage who were dancing to the lilting music of the orchestra. You put your hand in Lucifer’s and hopped off the barstool. He led the way to the dance floor. He put the hand he was holding on his shoulder and you took up a pretty standard waltzing position.

“Well I was thinking that you are a surprisingly good boyfriend, even with your quirks.” 

“That’s surprising to you?”

“Yeah. I’ve never seen you devote this much time to one person… well maybe Chloe. Do you and Chloe do things like this?”

“Dance at a company Christmas party, or does she take me to meet her mother?”

“Either.”

“No. We don’t. That’s not quite the nature of our partnership.” 

“Well, then how was I supposed to know you’d be a good boyfriend.”

“It’s not hard. You know, why did you need me, really? As I’ve proved there are plenty of people interested in you. "

“I don’t actually want a relationship.”

“I get that, I meant exactly this, pretend. You could have proposed this idea to anyone lucky enough to be chosen. You didn’t have to make a deal with me. If it’s familiarity, then you probably could have talked Detective Douche into it.” 

“Wouldn’t have been believable. No way in hell I’m bringing him home with me. He’s not rich or cute.” 

“Is that what it came down to?”

“Yeah, and you have a cuter butt.” you giggled looking up at him to watch him smile at your compliment, “Besides, for better or worse I only trusted this with you. There’s still the whole, liking me in spite of my awful parents thing. Anyone else would think I was a dysfunctional idiot.” 

“I  _ do  _ think you’re a dysfunctional idiot.” 

“Alright, but do you like me less because of it.” 

“I suppose I don’t. You’re ever just the same. You know you’re not half bad yourself. Quite well versed in dating the devil.” 

“Well that’s ‘cause I believe it every time you say it, so I try not to take it personally when you do devilish things. I figure it’s in your nature.”

“What?” Lucifer’s brows furrowed as he looked down at you. 

“Yeah I used to get mad about how you make so many things about you, but it checks out that you would be a little self absorbed so I just let it go. Try not to take it personal, just figure you’ve got your own shit. I mean if my problems were literally with God I’d have trouble listening to people’s trivial problems.” you kept rambling because Lucifer was looking at you like you’d grown a second head. It seemed a little bit odd for him to react this way, considering how often he broadcasted being Lucifer. You supposed he did it because he never expected anyone to actually believe him. 

“Luc,” you called when he didn’t respond, “I’m sorry, did I offend-”

“No, no. That’s… great. Just was not expecting it. Hm.”

“Oh… bit odd to keep saying it then… that you’re the devil. But it’s cool ya know… I figure it you wanted to tempt me to evil you would have done it already.”

“Perhaps I already am.” 

You leaned back to look at his face for a while, “Then you’re not very good at it.” You returned to your neutral dancing position for a moment before resting your head against his chest just a bit while he led the waltz. You felt like an eligible young lady in a Jane Austen story. That thought brought you up short. You were hardly Elizabeth Bennet, and Lucifer was no Mr. Darcy. The wine seemed to be going to your head, and if you weren’t careful you’d be day dreaming all kinds of silly things. 

“Hey you wanna get out of here?” you asked. 

“Oh I thought you’d never ask, this place got boring a while ago.” 

“Well I know a club in the city you might enjoy… it’s no Lux but the drinks are good and the music is better.” 

"That sounds phenomenal."

The two of you slipped out of the party unnoticed. Lucifer got your coats and you hurried home to change out of your fancy dress into something more club appropriate. When you went to change Lucifer had to untie the laces at the top of your corset for you. It reminded you of a little bit of trivia you saw while reading: Husbands used to tie their wives corsets for them back in the day if they weren’t wealthy enough to have servants; and a common way to find out your wife was cheating was to find another man's knot in her laces. You wanted to ask Lucifer if he had a signature devil's knot, but the last time you brought up genuinely believing he was the devil he got really uncomfortable. Still, he didn't seem like the type to try to replicate the knot he found on a corset. Maybe he wasn't on earth for that time at all. Maybe it was best not to ask. 

"Alright," he murmured, patting your lower back to let you know he was done. You held the top of the corset to your chest so you could grab your robe. You set upon finding a club appropriate outfit while Lucifer changed into a slightly more casual suit. You tossed a couple of outfits on the bed and stared at them.

"Choose for me?" You asked Lucifer. He turned around from the mirror to peer over your shoulder at the outfits. 

"The leather number, it's sexy and it'll keep you warm."

"Oh a hoe never gets cold," you mused, picking up the leather outfit.

Lucifer scoffed, "You are always complaining about being cold."

"Well I'm not a very good hoe either."

You went to the bathroom to change.

Lucifer went downstairs to make a before clubbing snack, knowing you'd need something on your stomach so you didn't take one drink and black out. He knew you were smart but he'd watched you go a whole work day only consuming iced coffee. You were the smartest dumb ass he knew, but he'd be damned if you weren't the sexiest one too. He settled on a quick panini that was done as you came down the stairs. 

"Luc, I need you to zip me up again and then tell me what you think of the outfit," you explained as you walked towards the kitchen where you heard dishes clashing together.

"Right, this is for you. You need carbs before we go out, I have a lot to get out of my system," he gestured towards the plate. You picked up the panini on the plate and followed his direction. It was a simple basil pesto melt with mushroom and fresh parmesan. 

"Oh my- Lucifer, fuck this is good,"you spoke around your bite of food while Lucifer zipped up your top. 

"Not quite the context I expected to hear you moan my name." He mused.

"Where's yours?"

"I don't need to eat."

"But what about pleasure? The pleasure of eating, come on. Taste your creation." You held the sandwich up for him to bite. 

"It's for you."

"I wanted you to feel what I'm feeling right now. Take a damn bite."

He relented and took a bite, "Hm I did do well."

"Mmhm," you did a little dance as you ate. 

“You look great by the way,” Lucifer spoke.

“I know, I just wanted to hear you say it.” 

The two of you left out to go clubbing when you were done eating. The club you settled on was decently busy and you and Lucifer got in pretty easily. You assumed Lucifer slipped the bouncer a good tip. He held your hand and you walked in as if he were worried about losing you. 

"Luc, I'll be alright. Go find a lucky lady to shag in a bathroom," you encouraged, mocking his posh accent. 

"That violates the terms of our agreement. I'm your monogamous boyfriend right now."

"Oh… well I'm giving you a free pass. It's cool." You shrugged, "Let loose just ya know… safely. I need you in one piece."

He led you to the bar and gave you a hand up on to one of the bar chairs. 

"How sweet of you," he spoke, leaning in so he was speaking right into your ear. The loud music made it a necessity. "Believe it or not I'm not in the mood for sex."

You put the back of your hand on his forehead and then his cheek as if you were testing his temp, "Are you feeling alright?"

"I know. It's surprising. Let's just have a drink and a dance."

You wound up doing just that. Letting the blaring beat of the music carry your body on it's tune. Dancing with Lucifer was commonplace. You usually found your own partners, met up or at least locked eyes every once in a while for safety reasons then continued the party. However, this time whenever someone else came behind you to grind against you as you wound your hips to the music, Lucifer took your hand and spun you around so that you were dancing with him.

"She's taken care of. Run along!" he yelled to your most recent almost-dance-partner.

You leaned back against him, putting the hand that wasn't holding your drink on his face to bring him closer so he would hear you, "Was he ugly?"

"Hideous."

It seemed like there were a lot of ugly people at the club because you wound up staying with Lucifer the whole night. The two of you dancing and drunkenly bantering with each other. 

"I wanna throw ass. The question is can you receive it!" You yelled at him when you were drunk enough to dance a little more risque. All of the night's liquor was settling heavily in the pit of your stomach and warming you in intimate places. If you explored that warm and fuzzy feeling by grinding back against Lucifer it was no big deal. You danced provocatively with most of your friends. Nevermind that all of those friends were women with no sexual attraction to you. This was inconsequential. His hands gripping your hips, guiding them back against his was simply a necessity of dancing together to help you keep your drunken balance in your silly shoes. Furthermore Lucifer's hands slipping up your body, crawling up your rib cage was nothing more than a little more support. It was support that made your skin feel too hot for your body. It encouraged the sinuous movements of your body.

You didn't know how long the two of you were at the club before Lucifer wrapped his arms around you pulling you flush against him. You leaned your head back letting it rest against his chest as you turned your head to look at his face. He was looking down at you but you were too drunk to focus on him. Instead you put your hands on his hands.

"Hm, what's up? You just wanted a hug." You asked closing your eyes to shield them from the constant flashing lights. 

"You're killing me, darling," he rasped in your ear. 

"Right you don't  _ like  _ hugs. But I'm soft," you contested, turning around to face him in the circle of his arms, "and hugs are nice." You wound your arms around him and hugged him with an amount of genuine tenderness that seemed out of place in your current venue. You rubbed his back slowly as you hugged him, sleepiness pulling at you.

"I need air," Lucifer said suddenly. He broke your hold on him but didn't even make it a step before he dragged you along with him. He let you go once you were outside. You occupied yourself by bobbing along to the faint sound of the music you could hear from the club. You were at that level of drunk where you just felt happy. Lucifer called your name and you turned to see what he wanted.

"In the car with you." He instructed you while holding the door open. You didn't see him talk to the valet but your eyes had been closed. You scampered over to him.

Lucifer watched your silly little run towards him and sighed heavily. You had the dopiest little smile on your face as you stood right in front of him.

"I forgot what you wanted," you breathed.

"Get in the car."

"Yes, sir," you answered in a playfully gruff voice before you fell heavily into the car. Lucifer sighed and went around to the driver's side and got in. He reminded you to put on your seatbelt before he started driving. 

"You're my best friend Luc and you know I worry about you. You make me worry because you're so damn stubborn but you're my favorite. My favorite… and I just think you should know that. I think you're not so bad. You can't be evil; it doesn't even make sense. You're too self absorbed to be behind every evil little thing. You can't cause all our misfortunes  _ and  _ run a successful business, and have sex with like that many people. There's not enough time in a day. 'M so glad I know you. Hey! Look at me!" You yelled reaching out to grab his face.

He batted your hand away, "Y/N, I'm driving!"

"You deserve good things. You gotta let good things happen to you. You never let good things happen. You just punish, punish, punish. And that's no good. Because I don't like it when you're sad."

"Darling you're talking nonsense."

"I'm not!" Your voice broke as it climbed several octaves, "I mean it. You're great. You're really great." 

Lucifer didn't respond and you stopped talking. The silence that provided was more than appreciated. He needed a moment to clear his head, to think about the night, to think about when he began to feel different about you.

There was always something different about you. Your job with the LAPD was different from everyone else. You were just… an expert, paid to provide your expertise. When he first met you… well he hadn't lied to your parents; he thought you were one of the most beautiful people he ever laid eyes on. You were standing beside Ella talking over a dead body. Your skin was such a gorgeous shade in the sun. The lip gloss on your lips caught the light to make them glisten so temptingly. When Ella introduced you, you shook his hand. You didn't ask about his name and instead launched into talking about the crime scene. He hadn't internalized any of it. He was thinking about exactly what he could say to make you come to bed with him. If someone had told him he'd be meeting your parents under the guise of being your boyfriend in just two short years, he would have scoffed. 

As much as he joked about you being the center of all lustful attention at that company party it bothered him. All of those people and no one cared who you really were. No one cared to see you in your old ratty t shirts in leggings, wearing face masks, and drinking wine. No one cared to have you in their passenger seat making the drunk "I love my friend" speech. In all of this there wasn't someone you could look to who loved you unselfishly. He understood now why just asking someone out really wasn't an option. If he let himself admit it just this once then he was glad you asked for this favor. He didn't like the idea of you being in a room full of people whose only desire was to use you for all your worth. Where was the protection? Your father couldn't seem to care less at that party and your mother was no better. What twisted world would allow for the closest thing to a savior you received to be Lucifer himself? You were the type of person his father was supposed to take care of. If anyone deserved a guardian angel it was you.

He pulled into the driveway of your parent's home and looked over to see you passed out in the passenger seat. Your face was so relaxed and peaceful. He supposed with an air of ruefulness in his thoughts that he would be your guardian devil. 

"Y/N," he shook your shoulder and you mumbled incoherently before opening your eyes. 

"We're home?" You asked.

Something about the question settled oddly in the air around Lucifer. Was it the fact that you said "we" or the "home" part or a conglomeration of the feeling that being a part of "we" and "home" created. 

"Yes, so get out."

"Okay," you agreed in a sleepy yet airy little voice. It was quickly becoming his favorite tone of voice. It was so flippant and care free, something you could greatly benefit from being more often. He watched you struggle with the seatbelt for a moment before he sighed and got out of the car so he could go around to the passenger side to help you. He gave you a hand out of the car but you wobbled on your feet.

"It all hit when I stopped moving," you mumbled, "I'm really very drunk," you admitted bashfully.

"I can tell. Come on give me the keys to the house. "

You just gave him your clutch so he could fish the keys out himself. He pulled the keys out and then looked at you for a moment, trying to decide if you'd make it up the drive. You were in danger of falling and he wasn't even asking you to walk yet.

"Alright, come here," he picked you up over his shoulder. 

"Weeee," you giggled hanging over his shoulder as he walked towards the front door. 

"Be quiet."

"Oh we're sneaky. Sneaky sneaky," you whispered. 

It would be charming if he let himself see it that way. Instead he focused on getting in the house and getting you upstairs. Once in the room he put you back on your feet.

He found your pajamas and threw them at you from across the room.

"I have to shower! I smell like cigarettes and weed!"

"Can you shower?" He asked skeptically.

"Yes. I'm not drunk anymore," you slurred all of those words together and Lucifer couldn't help but to laugh at you. You smiled too, a dopey drunken smile that only made your statement more hilarious.

"You're lucky you're cute. Go shower."

"Sir, yes sir," you giggled.

Lucifer sat down in the chair at the vanity and revisited his thoughts in the car. Maybe he just felt the same. Maybe it was hitting him so hard because the two of you were more alike than he originally thought. He knew that it could be tiring to be desired but never truly wanted for who you were. Maybe that's why you liked him so much. Still, you managed to appear happy most of the time without nearly as many distractions. You seemed content with your life. So how did you do that with a father who obviously preferred you were something different than who you were and a complacent mother. Why weren't you always seething with rage? Where was your righteous fury? Where was the compulsion to ruin everything you father made in retribution? You deserved retribution.

When you came out of the bathroom in your ridiculously flattering pajamas Lucifer set upon asking you that. 

"Your father treats you like a failure and you don't seem moved at all to get back at him in any significant way. I mean the worst thing you've done is inconvenience him. He deserves to be punished."

"Sometimes you jus' gotta take the knife out of your back and throw it away. Ya know eye for an eye, whole world blind. Jus' not worth it. "You yawned in the middle of speaking and began to crawl into bed.

"How? That makes no sense! When people hurt others-"

"Let he who is without sin cast the first stone… or however Jesus said it" You grumbled, "it was my fault Gina did what she did. I… I really loved her but… my dad he, he was gonna ruin her father's life if I didn't break up with her ...so I did. I did and I couldn't talk to her and she was hurting. I knew she was hurting real bad, but then dad forced me to get engaged and it was too much and she just… it was just too much and if even once I had done what I wanted to do. If I- if I called her or sent a letter or snuck out maybe it would have changed things but she's gone. And I knew I couldn't keep just doing what my father wanted. I started a life in L.A. because me and Gina used to dream about running away to California to live together in a shitty little apartment. I moved there just to keep one promise unbroken between me and her. And I come back here every holiday to remember that my father will never change and-"

"You're punishing yourself." Lucifer watched you with sad eyes as you stared up at the ceiling hazily.

You sniffed and wiped your face with the back of your hand, “Gina never got to leave this place why should I get to escape so easily." The alcohol made your eyelids heavy and you closed them. "It's just not fair. None of it's fair," you mumbled. 


	5. Chapter 5

Lucifer was acting strange. That is to say, he was acting strange for Lucifer. You weren’t really sure what caused the sudden change, but it happened right after the company party. You woke up the morning after and he was making breakfast with your mother. You didn’t think anything of it, at first. You knew Lucifer had a love for cooking food. It’s just that he was… less inclined to give you shit for wanting to live in relative peace with your parents for the holidays. You hadn’t heard another speech about how you weren’t “properly” rebelling. He didn’t seem particularly motivated to poke at your parents except to come to your defense, which he did almost religiously when it came to your father. For every negative thing your father had to say about you, Lucifer was locked and loaded with a positive thing. For every harsh critique there was a glowing praise. It was… weird. 

You were kind of accustomed to Lucifer making things about himself. You learned how to tune him out when he started monologuing about how no one could ever understand just how tormented he was. For a little bit, you almost forgot he was a divine being. It was kind of crazy to watch him pick collard greens with your mother while you worked on sweet potato pie for Christmas dinner. It just wasn’t a context you expected to see Lucifer in. 

You’d always had a soft spot for Lucifer. He was ridiculous, but his heart was in the right place. He wanted to be more than the narrative that preceded him. However, this constant niceness felt like a facade. He wouldn’t even tease you anymore about anything. He had no funny little quips about sleeping with you, or making fun of how you snored. It was almost like he was being too nice. For the most part, you disregarded that thought. A childhood with a hypercritical parent can make relationships without constant judgment feel weird. In short, you figured it was just the trauma talking. However, it was still odd to have him so tame compared to his usual state of being. 

“Pookie,” your mother called to you, “Take over these greens for me. My back is killing me.” 

“Alright,” you answered, carrying the last pie to the oven. Your mother took labored steps away from the sink. You took her place once the pie was in. 

“You two are just sweet as pie, you know that?” she cooed looking at the two of you stand beside one another. 

You smiled at her but didn’t otherwise respond. You and Lucifer were an odd pair. It was a bit alarming to see people's reactions. You expected this to be a lot less believable. You and Lucifer were opposites. He was reckless and impulsive, while you were a bitter perfectionist who weighed out each of her decisions meticulously before making them. Lucifer spent almost every night in a club, you preferred quiet nights in. Sure you indulged, but Lucifer’s whole life was indulgence. You couldn’t be more different and yet when you vented to Ella about the situation she even said that it was cute. 

“I’m not gonna lie. I’ve kinda sorta shipped you two since the Ice-Man copycat case.”

“What? Why?!”

“Well, the two of you complement each other. It’s not so much opposites attract as it is… you guys are the same in all the ways that matter, and different in ways that keep things interesting.” 

“Oh yeah, I suppose Lucifer’s view on relationships would keep things interesting.” 

“See? This is why I never said anything to either of you about it. The moment anyone has genuine feelings for either of you, you guys get weird. Like freaked out.”

“Have you told Lucifer this?” 

“No! Because he’d probably start sabotaging your friendship just so you don’t get too close. It’s ridiculous. You are both ridiculous.”

The conversation got cut short by your father, but it stuck with you. You didn’t think you were getting weird about it, but maybe you were and that’s why Lucifer was treading so lightly around you. You even went so far as to ask Maze if Lucifer said anything about his extended holiday with you. 

“Not really. I figured you guys were too busy boning for him to drop a line.” 

“Maze, we’re at my parents house.” 

“He’s done worse under more restrictive circumstances,” you could hear the shrug in her voice. 

“That’s just it though, Maze. He’s been almost nun-like lately. He doesn’t even mention boning.” 

“... I mean that’s out of character for him, but I thought you’d be relieved. Wait, do you  _ want  _ Lucifer to-”

“What?! No! It’s just a deviation from normal behavior that’s all. No, I really appreciate the lowered libido it’s just not like him.” 

“Uh huh… well I’m sure if you ask nicely he’ll turn the libido back on for you.” 

Maze was ridiculous to even insinuate that the reason you were put off by Lucifer’s lack of sexual advances was anything but worry over such a stark deviation from his normal behavior. You didn’t want Lucifer that way. Well… alright… you didn’t usually want Lucifer that way. It could probably be chalked up to proximity and the fact that you hadn’t even gotten a chance to masturbate in a week but you were aware of Lucifer in  _ that  _ way recently. It was just petty lust, something you were used to feeling in Lucifer’s presence. As far as you could tell, most people felt that way about him.

It seemed like an odd divine attribute to have, but Lucifer was an odd divine being. It’s just that, it wasn’t the normal things that made you feel a little stirring in the pit of your stomach. There were… softer things. It was the way Lucifer knew your favorite midnight snack that sort of made you feel something instead of the taut muscles of his arms. It was hearing him laugh in the dark as the two of you talked before going to sleep, and not the warmth of his body and the knowledge that he was barely clothed. It would be irresponsible to simply call it lust. You didn’t really know what to call it, but it felt very similar to lust. 

“Penny for your thoughts?” Lucifer asked suddenly. 

“Huh,” you breathed looking up at him, “Oh, it’s nothing really. Just thinking about dinner.” 

“What about dinner?” 

“Just surprised I made it to this point without a serious emotional breakdown. I think this might be the most pleasant time home I’ve ever had.” 

“Well, I’m glad you're satisfied. I wouldn’t be worth my name if I didn’t deliver on a favor.” 

“So that’s what this is?” You asked without looking up at him now, focusing on tearing the leaves from the hard stems of the greens, “Just you trying to cover all of your bases?” 

“... If I wasn’t a good boyfriend-”

“I didn’t make that qualification.” 

“I suppose you didn’t. Anything worth doing, though, is worth doing well. Isn’t that how the saying goes?” 

“Yeah, I guess. Forget I said anything. It’s nice. It’ll be hard to go back to L.A. and not have your undivided attention. You’ve spoiled me and I don’t think you’ll like the monster you’ve made.” 

“Nothing I can’t handle,” he bumped you lightly with his arm and you laughed but you didn’t really feel like laughing. You weren’t sure why you felt so… unsatisfied with his answers. There were easier ways to fulfill your favor. He didn’t have to be like this with you. Despite that you didn’t say anything. You just stayed at his side, picking greens so that they could be cleaned later.

Once the prep work was done, your mom came back into the kitchen and Lucifer was benched.

“We love a helper, but recipes stay in the family. Maybe once you put a ring on my baby’s finger we’ll let you in on a couple.” Your mother spoke as she took her place at the stove.

“That’s why you’re so secretive with your recipes?” Lucifer gasped looking at you. 

“They belong to the culture,” you shrugged.

“Expect a proposal soon then. Because her candied yams, Mrs. L/N, are phenomenal. She learned that from you?” 

“Actually directly from her grandmother. I swear she makes them better than me.” 

You shook your head,“See, I like yours better, Ma. And I always feel like my greens are missing something."

"I feel like that every time I cook. The only thing missing is someone to do it for you."

Lucifer watched as you settled in to cooking with your mother. He now had a chance to check his phone and saw that Linda had responded to his message. He was missing a lot of things in L.A.: Cases, gratuitous drinking, sex, other forms of debauchery but what he wanted to do most at the moment was walk into Linda's office and just schedule an appointment for you. Watching you interact with your parents was… painful. He knew you were punishing yourself for things that weren't your fault. What happened to your ex wasn't your fault, and being forced into an engagement so that your father could be assured the business had a future in the family wasn't something that should have happened to you. He wanted you to go back to L.A. He wanted to see you being selfish again. He wanted to make you see that you didn't deserve any of the things that anyone said to you while you were here. He knew who needed to be punished and you needed the opposite. You needed to be around people who would care for you. You and Chloe were cordial, he figured you two might get along. You might be able to get her to relax a bit and she might be able to use her proclivity towards acting like a mother to people who weren't her child with you. He might even recruit Mazikeen just to protect you, to be sure anyone who hurt you met their own punishment swiftly and efficiently.

-Is it possible that you see yourself in Y/N and that's why you're so passionate?- Linda's text read. 

He stood and took his phone outside so he could call Linda. She answered after a couple of rings. "For once, Doctor, it has nothing to do with me," he spoke instead of giving a proper greeting. 

"Well, Lucifer, I'm  _ your _ therapist, so-"

"I just want to help her. I mean she's- you should see how her father treats her and everyone expects her to just bend to his will, so much so that she's starting to do it."

"Alright. Why do you think this bothers you so much?"

"Well she doesn't deserve it. This is hell and she's choosing to be in hell because of a cycle of guilt that's not hers to carry."

"One could also argue that she's already breaking the cycle. It's just the holidays. Family is complicated. Most of the year she doesn't even talk to them."

"But they guilt trip her into stepping back into their world. She's happy in L.A. they should just leave her be."

"Do you think you could feel strongly about this because it mirrors your own life? Her family guilting her to come home for the holidays sounds a lot like your brothers coming to earth to urge you back to hell. The things you want for Y/N could very well be the things you want for yourself. I'm just saying, you could be projecting. "

"Doctor, you're not listening to me. We're different because Y/N didn't do anything to deserve this!"

"And you did?"

Lucifer paused, "Well… I knew I was going against my father's wishes. I knew what to expect."

"So you knew questioning your father would damn you to hell and you feel like that punishment is just?"

"What?! No! The punishment hardly fit the crime and I had no way of knowing how furious my father would be. I was simply being well… me."

"And you think a person doesn't deserve to be punished for just being who they are. "

"As long as it's not at the expense of someone else, yes. There's nothing wrong with that. Y/N is a good person who absolutely needs to move on from this."

"Alright and how would you suggest to her to move on?"

"Well I don't know! That's why I'm talking to you!"

"What would you want to hear?"

"You… are absolutely no help. Goodbye, doctor." Lucifer snapped.

Your father called you into his office shortly after Lucifer went outside. He seemed weird, maybe a little sad, which was an odd emotion to assign to your father. He always looked disapproving or angry but never sad. You sat in the leather chair in front of his desk and waited for him to take a seat. Since he wasn’t yelling at you, you had a chance to realize that your father was getting old. Your parents were getting up there in age, neither one of them had genes that made them gray quickly so it said something that his hair was turning gray. He let out a groan as he eased himself into the chair. The two of you stared at each other for a moment. 

When you were little, people used to talk about how much you looked like your father. His face was alien to you. You supposed people always said the two of you looked alike because you were always together back then. It’s a psychological illusion. People look more alike when they spend more time together because of social mirroring. You adopted his mannerism, his expressions, and his preferences. It stood to reason that the two of you looked nothing alike now.. 

He spoke first, as he always did, “There are things I’ve done that I’m not proud of… but everything I did, I did it for you. I grew up poor, I worked for every dime I got to make this business what it is today. I didn’t do that for me. This money, the family name, all of it was for you, and your children, and their children. I never wanted you to struggle the way I struggled.” 

“I know you believe that,” you spoke softly, “But if it was really for me you would make me an heiress and find someone who loved your company as much as you do to run it. That’s not me.” 

“But it used to be.” 

“It’s not anymore. Dad… I was the perfect child. When you said, ‘Jump’, I said ‘How high?’. I got first place in every competition, graduated from high school with honors, I did everything you ever wanted me to but the first time, the first time I wasn’t exactly what you wanted you broke me. Gina and I were in love and we were  _ kids _ ! We were just kids-”

“That was an embarrassment to me and my company. I didn’t raise you to sneak around at my events kissing girls-”

“Of course you didn’t raise me that way. There’s no way you could have raised me to be anyone different than who I am. And when you saw who I was… you decided to break me. You threatened to ruin the one person I loved, the one thing I wanted that you didn’t tell me to want. You broke me and when you break a person you don’t get to dictate how they pick up the pieces.”

“Then what’s to keep me from breaking you again.”

“You don’t know how to anymore,” you shrugged, “You don’t know what means the most to me.”

“So that boy out there? He doesn’t mean the world to you?” 

"You could try to break us up. I doubt you could, but even if you managed… I’d survive.”

“And what if I bought the house in L.A. from under you, ceased all of your assets-”

“I still wouldn’t come back. Dad, you could take everything I have and I would live under a bridge before I came crawling back here. You didn’t make a company for me, you made a company for you. You made it to make up for the decades of perceived humiliation at the hands of a system you’re a part of now. This isn’t nepotism, it’s ego, and I couldn’t care less about your ego.” You stood up to leave, “Just sit back and enjoy the holidays, why don’t you? It might be a long time before you get another like this.”

You left the office and went back to the kitchen. You tried to shake off the conversation with your father, but there was a lingering fear that he would do what he threatened. He could be on the phone right now trying to ruin your life in L.A. In the end though, it didn’t matter. You weren’t sure you loved anything in this world enough for its loss to break you. The one thing that had was your father’s love. It took some years for you to understand that Gina made her choice. It was one made from awful circumstances, but it was hers. What had broken you was how alone you were for the first time ever. The love of your young life was gone, and when you should have been able to go to your parents for comfort you found that your father had sold off your hand in marriage. Figuring out that your father’s love was conditional was what broke you. You built your self-esteem off of that. Your whole image was a reflection of your father and his wishes. When he took his positive regard away he took everything that mattered. You were ultimately faced with two options… you could fold under the immense weight of his disapproval, or you could rise in it. Gina gave you the strength to rise in it.

Your mother was alone in the kitchen still, meaning that Lucifer was still out on his call. It was easy to settle back into silence with your mom. In some ways, though, you felt more betrayed by her than you did your father. She liked to play for both sides. Sometimes she seemed utterly understanding towards you and your complaints and other times she sided with your father, happy to play along into the narrative that you were an ungrateful child. You knew what to expect from your father. He was constant in his beliefs and emotions towards you. Your mother could change up at any moment. Which is why, despite often falling into comfort with her, you didn’t say much. She could fill in the silence on her own, and you were positive any secrets you might share were not safe with her.

“Your father offered Lucifer money to break up with you,” she said suddenly. 

You laughed, of course he did, “That doesn’t surprise me.” 

“Lucifer turned it down.” 

“Money was a bad motivator. I actually can’t think of anything Dad could offer him that he’d want.” 

“You trust him that much?”

“Well… I mean I  _ do  _ trust Lucifer. I trust him with my life, but I also know that Dad doesn’t even have anything that Lucifer wants. So even if I didn’t believe in his loyalty, logically there’s nothing to gain from doing such a thing,” you shrugged because it was the truth. There was nothing on Earth that could make Lucifer go back on his word once he gave it. 

Your mother looked up from the pot on the stove to look at you, “You know you’re smarter than me. I took everything I had and I put it into your father. You know when we got married your father had me sign a prenup. At the time I didn’t think much of it. We were broke. Didn’t seem like I had anything to lose.”

You laughed to yourself. You knew this play. Right when your mother began to perceive that things were getting tense she played the victim card with you. It used to work. You used to think of your mother as a woman stuck in a loveless marriage because of a lack of financial stability. Then you saw her accounts, accounts that were just hers. Your father was a lot of things to your mother but financially abusive wasn't one of them. He reserved that trick for you. The only thing your mother suffered from was her own choices. 

“Mom… I used to think you needed saving. I used to dream of getting my own house and letting you live with me wherever I chose to put down roots, but I had to grow up and realize I was not destined to save you. You made your choices, and you  _ keep  _ making choices that hurt me, and keep you here.”

“When you get married, you’ll see-”

“The two of you have ruined the entire concept of marriage for me honestly. I don’t want to make love a business agreement.” 

“So if Lucifer asked to marry you, you’d turn him down.” 

“If I still loved him the way I do, absolutely. Love cannot survive money,” you shrugged. You weren’t even technically lying. You really did care for Lucifer in a way that would make marriage the least of your intentions. It really made the idea of sleeping with him unattractive. He had trouble discriminating between genuine care and lust and if you blurred those lines for him any more than they were already blurred then he’d cease to really care about you. He’d assume it was always lust and you’d never see him again. Marriage couldn’t happen for a lot of reasons, but also because you weren’t even sure what that would look like. How could Lucifer swear anything before God? Why would he? You would almost expect him to break his vows simply because they were vows said before God. So that just left the business agreement, the merging of assets, and that was… too shallow for Lucifer to ever care about. So he wasn’t likely to ever get married. You wouldn’t get married for the same reasons. In short, you hadn’t lied to your mother at all.

“You were always so idealistic. The world is messy. We do what we have to in order to survive. If you were going to survive you had to do as your father said. I wanted the same things for you. I didn’t want you to have to marry a man for financial stability. I didn’t want you to wake up every morning and wonder if there was something else out there for me-”

“Until Gina right? Until you all found me in that closet with Gina. Then it was absolutely fine for Dad to force me into marriage-"

"I suggested it! Your father was going to kick you out of the house! He was gonna leave you with absolutely nothing. It was marriage or a life on the street."

I needed someone, one person to tell me I wasn't a monster. I needed my mother to tell me she still loved me. But instead you shipped me off to the nearest man you thought could wrangle me."

"Oh please, Bryson? I chose Bryson because he's an idiot. He couldn't pose a threat to you." She waved off your complaints. you just stared at her, out done by how she could possibly think that anything she did was justified. There had to be another way, she was just too much of a coward to look for it. You wiped your hands off on a dish towel and threw it on the counter before hurrying out into the backyard. 

There was a great bubble of emotions crawling from the pit of your stomach and up your throat. It was making it hard to breathe. You sucked in short breaths that trembled on their way out. Your parents really gift wrapped your trauma and were offended that you weren't grateful for it. It was all for your own good apparently. What's worse is that sometimes you believed it. You wouldn't have your degree, or the drive to be the best. You wouldn't have a house, a savings account, your friends, nothing if not for your awful parents. But you might not be falling apart at the seams trudging through calf deep snow in house slippers if not for them. You might not work yourself to the bone in order to feel like you were worth something to others. Maybe you'd be in love. You wouldn't have to play pretend with Lucifer; you'd have someone who looked at you with unconditional adoration. You wrapped your arms against yourself trying to stifle the feeling of impending doom trying to open up in your chest. This was going to get bad. You were losing control. Panic was rising in your chest from lack of oxygen and the feeling of imminent danger pressing against the walls of your skull, muffling the sound of your footsteps crunching against the snow. Your hands felt like they were TV static. you kept your eyes on the big tree across the yard trying to get behind it and out of view of the house. You wouldn't let your parents see you fall apart like this. They wouldn't get to see the fruits of their labor, today. 

You tried to force breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth. Your breath left you in short puffs, the moisture in your breath condensing in the cold. 

You made it behind the tree and the dam holding your tears back crumbled. You bit the sleeve of your sweater to keep from crying too loudly. Some part of you thought it was ironic that you were just telling Lucifer that you didn't usually make it this long without a breakdown. It seemed God had a sick sense of humor. You needed to ground yourself before you got worse so you bent down and grabbed a fistful of snow, clasping it tightly in your hand until the staticky feeling began to fade and it was replaced by the stinging blades of coldness. 

Lucifer was going to step back in the house when he saw fresh footprints in the snow. They certainly weren't there when he came out. He followed the clumsy footprints all the way to an old tree where he heard the sound of your hitched breath. He rounded the trunk to see you sitting in the snow with your knees hugged to your chest. 

"Darling, what are you doing out here?"

"I think G-God h-hates me," you spoke breath hitching from the aftermath of crying so hard. 

Lucifer frowned taking in how red your eyes looked and the tear streaks on your face."Well… join the club, love. Don't take it personally. Dad doesn't like very many people." He offered a weak smile and you sniffed, feeling a little better than before. Still not good but better. 

"Aren't you cold?" Lucifer asked. 

"Freezing."

"Then get out of the snow."

You dropped the snow that you'd squeezed into a hard chunk of ice and inspected your hand. Your palm was red but your fingertips were a little blue. 

"Oh for fuck's sake, Y/N. What the hell were you doing?" Lucifer demanded as he took your wrists to help you up. Your whole body was shaking with the cold now.

"Panic attack. I bragged about not having a breakdown and God rocked my shit."

Lucifer snorted, "Sounds like his kind of thing." 

"He can't stand to see a bad bitch thrive," you said between shivers. Lucifer brushed the snow off of you before walking back toward the house with you. As you walked into the kitchen you took off your house shoes.

"Y/N you're covered in snow." Your mom complained as you walked by dripping snow on the floor.

"We had a snowball fight and I lost." You lied continuing to go upstairs. Lucifer followed you up to make sure you were taking care of yourself. You made a bubble bath for yourself and decided to slowly acclimate your hands to the warm water in the sink. Lucifer came in while you were soaking your hands in lukewarm water. 

"Y/N coming here every holiday is masochistic and I can't help but feel like Gina wouldn't want this for you. You're falling apart here."

"Yeah. I know."

"You know?"

"There's nothing here but heartbreak, I know it. I see that now. I mean Dad can't even be happy that I seem happy. Mom still wants to play victim and I'm… I might have frostbite." You huffed a humorless laugh taking your hands out of the water to show the weird color the tips of your fingers were. 

Lucifer sighed and held your hands in both of his before bringing them to his mouth to blow warm breath on. The feeling sent shivers up your arms and to your shoulders. 

"This might be it… for a very long time. I don't think I'll come back here once we leave."

"Good. They don't deserve you." He spoke only to go back to blowing on your hands. 

You felt tears trying to well back up again at Lucifer's compliment. 

"Thanks for always believing in me, Luc. You're a really good person."

"I'm the devil darling. You said you believed that."

"I do. But you're good to me. You're very good to me… better than my own parents."

"That bar is very low. It's practically in hell."

"Sad." You chuckled, "I think I'm gonna get in the bath now."

"Would you like company?"

"The bath's not big enough for the two of us." You reasoned like that was the only reason why he couldn't join you. 

"Right, silly me."

He left so you could undress and get in the tub. Lucifer immediately texted Linda when he closed the bathroom door.

-She's having panic attacks now.

-right now?!

-No she's fine now. She HAD a panic attack. 

-Does she seem stable now?

"Y/N would you call yourself stable now?!" He called into the bathroom.

"Compared to what?"

"Earlier."

"Oh yeah. Much better."

-Yes she's stable. 

-You seem very worried about her. She must mean a lot to you.

-She's a friend who owes me a debt. 

-Well I'm  _ your _ therapist so if we're not talking about you then all I can say is look after her. Make sure she gets some rest.

After your bath you changed into warm clothes. As you padded out of the bathroom you noticed that Lucifer was in bed. 

"Why don't you come have a cuddle?"

"Luc," you complained.

"Don't be shy. You cuddle me in your sleep. This is no different."

"No I don't. "

"Oh but you do. I have pictures to prove it." He held up his phone waving it about with a taunting smile. You put a knee on the bed to reach for his phone. He wrapped an arm around you and pulled you to him. You really didn't have it in you to struggle. Plus, Lucifer was warm and he smelled nice. 

"See? Not so bad, hm?" He murmured. 

"Why are you so nice to me?" You asked. Your cheek was pressed against his chest as he held you hostage against him. 

"I think being cruel to you would just be monotonous at this point. Your parents have got that more than covered. I like to stand out."

His answer made you smile a little as you closed your eyes.

"Besides it's part of the deal. I'm a gracious lover, you know that."

"This is why you only do one night stands and dick appointments if you were this good to people AND you fucked them, you'd break their hearts at the end of it all." You spoke with sudden understanding.

"Go to sleep. You need to rest."

"Hey just because you're my boyfriend doesn't mean you can tell me what to do."

"Go to sleep before I put you to sleep, darling."

"I just said you can't fuck someone and treat them this well. Are you trying to break my heart?"

"Oh I wasn't going to have sex with you. I meant asphyxiation."

"Jokes on you that's my kink," you said around a yawn. 

You closed your eyes listening to Lucifer laugh quietly at your antics. At least you could get a reliable laugh out of him. You don't think you could handle it if he was miserable too throughout this whole fiasco. As you were on the cusp of waking and sleeping you remembered going out to the club with him a few days ago and smiled fondly. 

"We should go out again. We need to work on your ability to catch ass when I throw it at you."

"Darling, even I can only endure so much temptation."

You drifted off at some point and Lucifer listened to your breath deepen as you finally went to sleep. 

"What am I going to do with you?' He sighed quietly. All this time he thought you were entirely uncomplicated. He'd asked you your desires years ago and it was so odd to hear you say "peace" and mean it. He never quite understood how your strongest desire was such an amorphous concept but being here he saw that when you were in L.A. you were at peace. When you were in your home with your ratty college t-shirts and sweatpants that was peace. He often wondered why he was drawn to your home when he had all the needed amenities in his own home, but it was because of the feeling this place so obviously lacked. There was warmth in your little California home, an environment of unconditional acceptance. The facials were also a great selling point, letting you massage different serums into his skin while he rested his head in your lap and talked about absolutely anything. You were at peace there and the only thing Lucifer wanted now was to get you back to your little home, so he would never see you like this again. 

It occurred to him that your home always felt so accepting because without him even knowing you accepted all of him. He had questions about that but it never seemed like the right moment to ask about that. When did you know? Was it just based on his word alone? How did you seem so okay with something he wasn't sure he was entirely okay with himself? Then again he considered what you said before your nap. He treated you better than your own parents. He found it increasingly difficult to be distant or cold to anyone who treated him better than his own father had. Something happens when a child learns their parents' love is conditional. It's hard to describe but it feels like breaking, like being the eggshells and the person walking on them simultaneously. You're desperately trying not to break yourself so that you don't become unsightly to your parents. He'd been his father's favorite just like you. That fall from grace is a long one.

You didn't dream while you slept, which you counted as a blessing because lately your brain was tormenting you with all sorts of things. They were memories mixed with fiction, a product of stress and mental exhaustion. This nap was dreamless and the most restful sleep you'd gotten in a while. You woke to Lucifer gently shaking you.

"What?" You whined at him batting his arm away.

"Do you want to join your family for dinner?"

"Not particularly… but I will," you grumbled, "What time is it?"

"Nearly 4. I wanted you to have time to get ready."

"Thanks." You pulled in a deep breath as you sat up, "Just two more days here." 

"Then back to the City of Angels. You know when we get back we should have a proper night out."

"When we get back, I'll have work the next day."

"Come on a couple of drinks a little dancing-"

"And then you'll take 5 people up to the penthouse and I'll be all by my lonesome. Luci, that sounds far more attractive to you then it does to me. When I get home I'm going to sleep."

"You're no fun." He scowled, "I thought you wanted to teach me how to… receive ass or however you phrased it."

You couldn't keep the little smile at his phrasing off your face. "You don't even play music at Lux to throw ass to. So calm down." You freshened up in the bathroom before sitting down at the vanity to do your makeup. 

Lucifer obviously wasn't satisfied with your answer and kept arguing with you, "I'll let you consult with the DJ."

"So you can complain all night? No thanks. I will be happily at home with a glass of wine and no one to tell me what to do."

"Fine, then I'll come to your place. "

"Lucifer, nearly two weeks with me and you're not sick of my company yet?" You asked incredulously. You knew that you could be grating. You were opinionated and picky. You weren't the most open or trusting person, though Lucifer now knew more about you then literally anyone else. It just stood to reason that Lucifer would want some distance after nearly two weeks of nonstop interaction with you. 

Lucifer blinked, his expression confused but otherwise serious, "No. Why would I be?"

"I…" This is the point where your knowledge of psychology kicked in. When people around you made you feel hard to love, sometimes you started to believe it. It was this place making you feel like you were anything less than a delight. 

"I have to get out of here," you sighed.

"Are you tired of me?" Lucifer questioned and you turned to look at him bewildered by how vulnerable he sounded all of a sudden. His face was still as serious as ever though, concern and deep sorrow seemed etched into the lines of his face. You got up and sat on the bed beside him so you could wrap your arms around him. 

"Not even a little bit, Luc. Not even at all. You're the light of my life," you smiled hoping your little joke at him being your Morningstar would get through to him. He smiled that dopey little smile he did when he was genuinely pleased. 

"So I'll be coming to your house after all of this."

You sighed, of course that was his main take away, "Whatever, sure. But I'm probably going to fall asleep on you." You went back over to finish up your makeup.

One thing about the holidays with your family while you could expect a violent reemergence of all of your trauma, you could also expect great food. The two of you came down stairs just as the first guests were coming in. There were Aunts and Uncles you hadn't seen in a while, cousins who were your age and older and a few of their kids. To be honest you were most excited to see your grandmother. Your father's parents were long dead but your mother's mom was alive, well, and fiery than ever. When she came in with the assistance of one of your uncles, she gave a happy little cry upon seeing you. 

"Aw! There's my baby!" She opened her arms to you and grabbed you in a big warm hug. It was almost enough to make you cry if not for the knowledge that your makeup would run. She turned her head and kissed your cheek as she held you. 

"Oh pook, you're so beautiful. I can tell California is treating you well."

"I keep saying you can move in with me. It could treat you well too."

Your grandmother waved you off, "You know I don't do the heat. And all them earthquakes would rattle my joints out of socket."

You smiled as you helped her to sit on one of the big comfy chairs in the living room. Your grandmother was the only person you regularly talked to in the family. You didn't visit because if your father knew how much you cared for her he'd use her as a bartering chip. Nevertheless, the two of you talked on the phone a lot. As you eased her down in the seat she pulled you close to her. 

"Your mama told me you was dating a white man named Lucifer. "

You snorted and gave her a little wink before you spoke quietly in her ear, "He's just a friend. I wanted to make Dad mad."

Your grandmother laughed, "Well you succeeded. Come on introduce your little boy toy." 

"Oh promoted to boy toy am I?" Lucifer remarked happily as he pulled you against his side. 

"Grandma, this is Lucifer Morningstar. Lucifer, this is Grandma." 

"That's a damn shame, your parents naming you that." Your grandmother tsked with a hint of humor still in her voice. Of course she wouldn't think he was actually the devil. 

"I don't know. I think it's apt. He's a bit devilish." You joked. 

"You're stealing my jokes, darling," he complained. 

"Let me tell you, that there is my favorite granddaughter. I don't care who you say you are neither hell nor high water can save you from me if you hurt her," your grandmother promised with all the conviction a woman her age could muster. It made you feel warm inside to hear someone express some amount of genuine care for you. You began to lament that you couldn't see her more. She was one of your favorite people. You didn't know how she ever raised your mother. 

The rest of the family was a dull roar around you as you sat on an ottoman talking with your grandmother. 

Lucifer watched you light up as you talked to her. It was the first time he saw you be forthcoming about your life in L.A. you talked about cases, your hobbies, of course you filled grandma in on how you met Lucifer and how the two of you became close.

"Grandma, he jumped in front of a bullet, like an absolute idiot."

"What is it they say? Love makes you do crazy things," Lucifer added. You kept talking and Lucifer noticed a little knowing smile on your grandmother's lips as she looked between the two of you. It left Lucifer wondering what the old woman could possibly know already. It was easy though to sit and retell these stories with you. To playfully argue about the way you told a story. It was like seeing you come to life again. 

Your mother came into the front room to announce that dinner was served and everyone moved into the big dining room. In a lot of ways dining with extended family was easier. The sole focus wasn't on you. A few of your cousins had conversations with you. Mostly they were trying to be covert about asking why the hell you brought a white man named Lucifer home. 

"It's because y'all spent so much time calling me evil, I figured I might as well go all out right?" You grumbled. 

"So that's how you so successful down in California. You sold ya soul to the devil." One of your cousins settled. 

You turned to Lucifer, "Are souls even valuable currency?"

"No," he shook his head. 

"See? It wouldn't even be valuable."

"She does owe me a favor though."

"Which I guess is kinda like selling my soul, but as 'bout as much as borrowing money from dad is." You snarked back, "How's that little LLC going for you?"

Besides the petty arguments here and there dinner was great and it wasn't until everyone was full, sitting back, drinking, and talking that your father decided to shake things up.

"I'm glad the rest of you are willing to entertain this thing between those two," your dad pointed to you two, "It's a damn shame to see your daughter waste her potential."

You rolled your eyes, "You don't like Lucifer. I don't like your watch but I keep my mouth shut about it." The wine you were sipping on definitely emboldened you but it was a true statement.

"I'm afraid I agree. It's unnecessarily gaudy." Lucifer cosigned.

"That's saying something coming from him," you giggled. 

Lucifer gasped and looked at you, "I am not gaudy."

"Okay, Mr. Artisanal stonework in my penthouse."

"That's not gaudy. It's called taste."

"You're right. That was a false equivalence. I  _ like _ the stonework. I  _ hate  _ that watch."

Your father continued his little tantrum, "Does anyone else see a problem with this? Y/N is a woman with multiple degrees-"

"Dad, please give it a rest."

"I forbid you from continuing this little  _ thing _ you have going on with this man. I will make sure you never inherit a cent as long as your-"

"Too bad 'cause I love him. I love him more than I care about any of this shit. Take me off the will. Disown me. Do whatever you feel like you have to do because I'm done trying to prove my worth to you. I am  _ never _ going to be the daughter you wanted me to be. I don't want to be that. I want to be me." Your voice was cool and resigned as you spoke to your father. For once you didn't feel the slightest bit hurt by your father's outburst. It would probably hit later but at the moment you felt… relieved that it was finally all coming to the surface. Your father was obviously affected by your lack of response to his threat.

"You know that girl's father died. The heartbreak of it all killed him. You ruined two lives when you got in that closet during  _ my  _ Christmas party and decided to spit in the face of God by kissing that girl! The embarrassment you caused not only me but that family as well, you deserve to be the bride of Satan. When I die, then-"

"When you die I'll treat myself to a nice picnic on the beach in sunny Los Angeles."

"Y/N!" Your mother scorned, "Apologize!"

"No." 

"Oh come on," Lucifer complained, "You can't spend your whole life tearing your child apart then honestly expect them to miss you when you're gone. It's like you don't hear yourselves or see what you're doing to your daughter."

"No one is  _ doing  _ anything to her. Actions have consequences. She can be smug all she wants when we're gone she'll regret the way she acted." your father argued.

You sighed, "You've held your mortality over my head my whole life. 'When I die I'll give you the company if xyz', 'I want to see grandkids of my own before I die', 'You’ll learn to appreciate what you had when I'm gone', I don't care. At this point when you die it'll be a relief. Maybe I could finally enjoy a holiday. You want me to love you more than I love myself but to be honest I don't even like you."

Your father was losing it very rapidly. That blind rage you feared your first day here was becoming a reality and you didn't really even care. You kept sipping your wine while he yelled. 

"If it weren't for me, you wouldn’t have anything! I sacrificed to give you a better life and you choose to give yourself to a man named for the devil. It's not even symbolism at this point."

"You're right. It's not symbolism. I literally care for Lucifer more than I care for you. You are a narcissistic jerk who bullied me and called it parenting."

Your father threw his glass and it crashed against the far wall. He continued yelling and you just stared up at him. Your mother was standing now trying to get him to calm down. You really came back for this. This was crazy. What you were doing was insane. You were willingly in a household with a man who took every opportunity to tear you down. It wasn't healthy. You turned your gaze to Lucifer who was already watching you. 

His expression was worried and rightfully so. If you weren't so used to your father's bullshit this would all hurt so much worse. 

"YOU'D BE BETTER OFF DEAD!" He bellowed.

Something about that made you laugh a lie rueful sound, "Are you done? Is it over? Dad, I interview actual psychopaths. This performance of anger is just that, a performance. So if you're done, I'm gonna start packing."

"Y/N," your mother called your name in a wounded tone as is at the end of all of this you were doing something to her. 

"No. Your husband thinks I'm better off dead. I'm a gracious daughter so I'll make it easy for him to pretend." You shrugged, standing up from the table. "Let's get our shit and go Luc." You spoke as you passed him.

Lucifer followed after you somewhat bewildered by how the dinner unfolded. You went into the bedroom and started tucking your things away into your suitcase. 

"So you just denounced your father… for me?" Lucifer asked, needing clarity on what the hell just happened. 

"What? No. It was the principle. I can't keep doing this. I mean you're right I'm punishing myself and for what. It's not gonna bring Gina back. It's not gonna make my father treat me better. It just hurts me and I'm not doing it anymore. I'm doing what I want. I deserve that much."

"Oh. Wow. Alright. I thought I was going to have to say that to you a couple more thousand times before we got to this point, but alright. You know what? I'll call a hotel we'll spend the last day and a half before we catch our plane there. Maybe order a couple strippers, have a party for the disgraceful children club."

"That sounds great."

"Come on, it's Christmas Eve. Let's see what mayhem we can cause on this Christian holiday."

"You always know just what to say," you chuckled.

Lucifer got on the phone to get a room while you kept collecting your things. You could hear your parents arguing downstairs.

When everything was settled Lucifer carried your heavier suitcase downstairs. The arguing downstairs paused as your mother hurried to the foyer. You noticed that your extended family had cleared out of the house. As you walked towards the door your mother came hurrying to the front door. 

"You don't have to leave, Y/N it's Christmas eve."

"I really do, mom." You sighed. To your surprise she didn't fight you on it, se ket you walk out of the front door with Lucifer.

It felt good to leave that house. You were suddenly reminded of the first time you ever left. That rush you felt, crossing the threshold with your things into a new life. This time though, it was final. You wouldn’t come back, not under the same circumstances. There was every chance that you wouldn’t come back unless someone died. You just didn’t want to do this. It was a mixture of everything your family put you through and having Lucifer with you. He was almost like a symbol of everything you had in L.A. When you were in L.A., no one guilt tripped you to do anything or feel any amount of affection for people who hadn’t earned it. Judgmental people didn’t matter, and you weren’t just a means to your father’s company. If someone wanted to bone you in L.A. it was for the sake of lust alone. Lucifer was a part of that life you cultivated with people who respected you and your decision. It was entirely possible you never would have come to this conclusion if you hadn’t struck a deal with him. If he wasn’t so very much himself at all times it wouldn’t have been so obvious that you weren’t being yourself when you were home. You got in the car and took a deep breath. You made a conscious effort to let go of the hurt. When Lucifer got in he started the car and drove away from the house. You watched as the house slowly disappeared from your view. 

“Where are we going?”

“You will see,” he answered cryptically, but he seemed quite self-satisfied so it had to be interesting.


	6. Chapter 6

It was the night before Christmas and you were spending it watching Lucifer gamble an ungodly amount of money. Lucifer booked a room in one of the fanciest hotels in the city which also happened to be right across the street from a casino. It was a hard sell to get you to go out right after everything with your family, but Lucifer was persuasive. There was a dress that you packed without really knowing what you would use it for. It was a little risque for your parents’ company but it was perfect for the casino. You stood beside Lucifer at the craps table, marveling at the chips he’d already won. He continued his ritual of bringing the dice in his hand up to your mouth for you to blow before tossing them. Everyone at the table waited with baited breath as the dice tumbled over themselves. The table erupted in cheers as Lucifer won big again. 

“Holy shit, Luc! Come on, leave while you’re ahead,” you urged. 

Lucifer wrapped his arm around your waist, pulling him against his side, “The devil’s a high roller don’t you know, darling? Besides, with a lucky charm like you I can’t lose.” 

“Don’t put that pressure on me! I’m just a spectator.” 

“Once more for all the marbles. I’m going to need a lot of luck for this one,” he spoke in a sing-songy voice as he started placing large amounts of chips on the table. You watched with wide eyes as he put all the chips out on the table. 

“Are you crazy?” you hissed at him watching him bet it all. 

“Insane,” he grinned pushing the last of the chips in their place, “ come on.” he held up the dice for you to blow and you did. Your heart was sprinting with anxiety watching all of that money go up on the chopping block. 

“Something extra for good luck?” he smiled teasingly at you. You stared at him confused by his request. He rolled his eyes and touched his cheek. 

“You're insatiable,” you complained, trying to keep the smile off of your face as you lifted up, rocking forward on the platform of the stilettos you were wearing. You kissed his cheek then promptly hid your face against his shoulder so you wouldn’t have to see him lose all that money. Lucifer had taken losses at the table but they were easy to forget compared to his wins. The whole table was quiet and you thought you might faint waiting to hear cheers or sounds of disappointment. Lucifer’s arm was wound around your waist holding you to his side while he drank his bourbon without a care in the world.

Just as you began to peek the table erupted in deafening cheer. You turned quickly and your eyes almost bugged out of your head as you watched the craps dealer slide piles of chips towards Lucifer. 

“Oh, our next vacation is definitely going to be in Vegas. You’re too good to give up.” 

“No, that was just a weird coincidence,” you argued with him. Lucifer told the craps dealer to put his winnings in a case for him before he responded to you. 

“You can believe I’m the devil, but you can’t believe that you’re a good lucky charm?”

“Absolutely. There’s evidence supporting you being the devil. For all I know, luck could be one of your little quirks. Getting lucky certainly is.” 

He scoffed, “You aren’t wrong about my sex appeal, but it’s never helped me at the tables before. Loosen up, Y/N.”

“No, because when you start losing, then you’re gonna wonder what happened-”

“You worry too much. Let’s get you a drink. Something sweet?” 

You rolled your eyes, because there was no way that Lucifer was going to listen to you. He led you over to the bar and let you order. 

“Ooo, the fuck me up, daddy sounds good,” you mumbled as you looked at the little cocktail menu. 

“Interesting name,” he looked over your shoulder reading the description of the drink. 

“What are you drinking, sweetheart?” the bartender asked you, a dashing smile on his handsome face. 

You smiled back at him and leaned forward on the bar, “Fuck me up, daddy.” 

“Absolutely, but what do you want to drink?” he chuckled. 

You laughed, it was an obvious joke but the ironic way he said it, made it funny. You heard Lucifer groan at your side. 

“Just make the damn drink,” Lucifer complained. 

You turned to look at him, confused by his sudden sour tone. He met your gaze as you turned. He looked every bit as indignant as he always did when he did something strange that he thought was completely justified. 

“In case you’ve forgotten, we made a deal, two weeks of perfect monogamy.”

“Luc, come on. It’s hardly necessary-”

“I’m a devil of my word. Which means you have to be faithful as well.”

“Or what?” you challenged, trying to look as serious as physically possible. He looked appalled by your little taunt. His expression of wordless incredulity was enough to make you break and smile. Your change in expression visibly relaxed him. He settled closer to you, looming over you just a bit. 

“I will admit that I’m much better at making the faithful choose infidelity, but I think I could provoke loyalty in you.” 

“Is that so?” you murmured studying his face. Lucifer seemed to be increasingly happy to let loose in a party-like atmosphere. He thrived on this kind of thing, flirting with women in clubs, and being the center of attention. 

“I’m not so easily tamed, Morningstar. I think I might tire out even the devil,” you taunted some more. The bartender set your drink down and you picked it up to sip on the little straw. Lucifer was still set on his play at seduction. His fingers swept across the diamond choker around your neck. 

“Careful, darling. I might take that as a challenge.” His lips were inches from yours, and if you leaned forward just a bit, your noses would touch. His eyes half-lidded as he looked down at your lips. This was typical Lucifer behavior, especially when he felt like you were questioning his powers of seduction. You made a conscious decision to let your eyes flick to his lips. Just as he began to close the distance you spoke. 

“Hey, you ever heard that story about the lady who out fucked the devil? Is that true?” 

“Absolutely not. No mortal has ever out done or wholly satisfied me,” He answered, too scandalized to continue his earlier task of being seductive. You giggled, a silly completely unattractive sound and watched as Lucifer fought against joining you. 

“You’re lucky you’re… well lucky. Come on I want to get a place at the roulette table.” 

“I thought I was lucky I’m cute.”

“No that’s not something working for you today. It’s actually working at your detriment.” 

“I’m too cute?” you asked.

“Precisely. I’m partial to that choker you’re wearing. Would you let me buy you another?” 

“Depends… would it have your initial on it?” You asked in a voice that was better paired with pink bubblegum and not a delicious drink with a salacious name. 

“I was thinking it would have a little replica of my token to hell.” 

“Little on the nose isn’t it? Why not a star?” 

“You would wear it?”

“I’m not the kind of girl to turn down a diamond choker, Luc,” you giggled,”You can buy me all the jewelry you want, sweet thing.”    
Another couple of tables and quite a few drinks later you were having the time of your life watching Lucifer’s wins. Of course, it was inevitable that he began to lose. It was just the way of the table.

“I need a little extra luck, love.” 

Your arms were already wound around him in a perpetual hug for good luck. 

“I better be getting a cut of these winnings,” you spoke, unwinding from him to seize his face in both of your hands and planting a kiss on his lips. You expected another kiss like the mistletoe kiss, a chaste peck. Liquor always went straight below the belt for you though, and the added proximity of Lucifer made you just a bit more… prone to getting lost in the moment. The real turning point of the kiss was the moment Lucifer brought the gentlest hand up to cradle your jaw. You weren’t sure why such an innocuous thing set your whole body on fire but it did, and if it weren’t for the cheers that erupted around you, you might not have stopped kissing him. You turned to see his winnings. You bounced excitedly, pulling his face back down to kiss his cheek. Christmas Eve in a casino was far more fun than it had any right to be, so you were surprised that Lucifer was collecting his chips already. 

“Where to now?” you questioned. 

Lucifer looked down at you and saw your familiar, drunk, dopey grin, “To our room. It’s already Christmas, you know?” 

“Oh! I have a present for you!” 

“And I have a present for you.” 

“Is it your dick? Because that doesn’t really count. You always offer that so I don’t think it can count for Christmas. Plus it’s a Christian holiday-”

“Darling,” he sighed, “your present isn’t sex. Do you really think so little of me?” His teasing tone was back as he walked towards the counter to cashout. 

“No. I told you already, you’re my best friend. I love you to bits. But you certainly seem to think that your dick is a gift, and I just thought I’d let you know it wasn’t so you could give me money instead.” 

“You’re delightfully ridiculous when you’re drunk.” 

“I’m just cute, that’s all. You’re always saying it. You just like me because I’m pretty, but I like you because you’re good to me. It’s not fair at all. I like a lot of things about you that aren’t your looks, and all you’ve got to say ever is that I’m pretty with nice tits!”

Lucifer glanced down at you curiously. You were holding his hand with both of yours, toying with the onyx ring on his finger while pouting. 

“Are you serious, darling?” 

“Yeah! I get it, you’re the devil and carnal desires come naturally to you, but damn. I can think of 20 things I like about you right now that aren’t how attractive you are.” 

“You think I’m attractive?” 

“That’s not the point!”

You walked back to the hotel explaining all the things you liked about Lucifer. You liked that he was so forthcoming about his opinions, it took out a lot of guesswork that made friendship tedious. You liked that he was passionate about music, it was such a cool skill, one that you wished you’d devoted more time to in your youth. You liked the way he always said Good Morning even when everyone at the precinct looked dead. You liked the way he said your name when he lost sight of you for a moment, a little frantic, a little exasperated, and very impatient. Lucifer listened to your drunken babbling. He lost some of the words but he came to the conclusion that you weren’t bluffing. There were a lot of things about him that you liked. Of course he knew that you didn’t like him simply because he was attractive but maybe he’d been willing to believe you liked that he had money, and was helpful on the job. This sudden torrent of praise had him… blushing. You were making the devil blush. He thanked his lucky stars that you were far too drunk to notice.

He didn’t realize how often he told you, you were cute. You were, of course, especially now. The dress you were wearing did your figure justice and he really was more than a little partial to you in a choker but there were other things that he liked, things he didn’t know how to vocalize, but were grateful for nonetheless. 

He was grateful for this moment, the way you saw the good in him. After witnessing your relationship with your parents, he couldn’t imagine still seeing good in people. He thought it was commendable that you were never over occupied with punishment and instead you preferred justice. He liked that you didn’t particularly like Detective Espinoza. You were cordial, but you thought he had the moral backbone of a slug. Of course, he didn’t get a chance to say any of that because you were talking. You talked so much when you were drunk and he hung on every word as he guided you to the room. 

It was a deliberate choice to get one room. Linda advised not to leave you alone because serious arguments like the one that you had with your family could cause a lot of stress, and trigger another panic attack. You didn’t need to be alone for that. So you were together, in a presidential suite, with far more space than was entirely necessary for two people who would only be in town until the 26th. You didn’t complain about it when the two of you checked in. You went inside and closed yourself in the bathroom with the shower running. He suspected that you were crying. You didn’t like an audience to your vulnerability. He understood that. 

He liked that you only drank when you meant to have a good time, he’d never seen you drink away pain. He liked that you admitted to him when he hurt you. There were times when he  _ did  _ hurt you, too wrapped up in his own problems to be fully aware of the effect his actions had on others. It was… freeing to have you just talk, even if it was just your drunk babbling. He let you walk into the suite first as you kept talking in your sweet, drunk, airy, little voice.

“And that’s why I think you only like me because I’m cute,” you settled. You went to sit on the sofa but sat on the arm instead and promptly flipped backwards. You shrieked as you fell backwards only to start giggling when you were unharmed on the couch. 

“So bright, so wrong.” He sighed. 

“I’m never wrong!” 

“Au contraire,” he answered but didn’t explain at all, instead he turned to go find your Christmas present. You looked around for him when things seemed too quiet, but didn’t see him anywhere. 

“Luci?” you called, pushing off of the couch and getting up to search for him. He was in the bedroom, holding a big white box. You gasped aloud and hurried over to your luggage to find Lucifer’s gift. You’d had it since you embarked on this little trip. Lucifer watched you tear through your luggage to find a small black box tied closed with a red ribbon. 

“Okay, okay, I’m ready now. You weren’t gonna tell me we were doing gifts, but I’m smart!” you announced holding the box out to him, “It took me a long time to find this gift. And it’s very hard to give you gifts, because you can just buy whatever you want. But I think you’ll like it.”

The two of you traded gifts and you opened yours near immediately. He waited for you to reveal your gift patiently, a little worried how you would receive it, considering the way you were just complaining about only being eye candy to him. 

You gasped as you picked up the pink sheer robe. It was one of those robes that a young soon-to-be widow of a wealthy old man wears about her mansion. It was trimmed with pink fur. 

“Luci, it’s perfect. I’ve always wanted one of these robes! How did you know?” 

“It seemed very you.” 

“I’m gonna wear it as soon as you open your gift, I’ve got just the pajamas for it.” 

Lucifer opened his gift, pulling the little ribbon off and taking off the lid to see a cigarette case. It was a familiar sight. He recognized it from a case the two of you worked, he’d become transfixed with the thing upon seeing it. It was silver with vintage intricately etched design. He studied it for a moment fondly before looking at you. It was evidence in a case the two of you worked together. 

“A memento from the case where we became friends,” you murmured, “Though I hope you don’t use it for cigarettes. Maybe some pre rolls instead.” 

“How did you get this? I talked to the lovely gentleman in charge of evidence lock-up and he said it still needed to be cleared.” 

“Yeah but that was like a year ago, Luc. It went back to the family of that crook and I bought it from his wife. She was happy to let it go… you know once I told her I was a part of the persecution and not a fan of her ex-husbands work.” 

He blinked as if he hadn’t thought to do that. That wasn’t surprising; he could be quite single minded at the best of times. You made good on your word and got ready for bed so that you could wear the dramatic robe that Lucifer bought you. It was sure to become a staple in your closet. You might even become one of those women who changed into lingerie when they got off of work just to look like a wealthy widow. Lucifer was settled on the sofa when you came out of the bathroom. 

“No, this is perfect. This is seriously perfect. Look at me,” you announced leaning dramatically against the doorframe. You had on a light pink pajama set that went nicely with the robe. The train dragged on the floor as you did your best to walk as gracefully as possible, in spite of the fact that you were still a little tipsy. Lucifer turned to look at you but he didn’t smile at your antics so you turned up your goofiness a bit.

“I look like a widow, but a very young one, like a serious sugar baby. I’m giving ‘Officer,’” you brought your voice up high and airy, “Oh it was awful, I tried to wake him for breakfast and he just laid there cold, lifeless, and it scared me something awful. Oh what? I’m the sole beneficiary for his fortune. I swear I didn’t know. Look at me, do I really seem capable of murder?” You put a delicate hand on your chest as you came to stand behind the sofa. 

“I can think of a few officers that would let you away with murder if you were wearing that.”

You sat on the back of the couch and let your body fall backwards so that your back was against the cushions and your legs hung over the back of the sofa. “Would you?” 

“No, murderers deserve punishment.” 

“Oooo kinky,” you giggled. 

“Can I ask you something and trust you’ll tell me the truth?” Lucifer asked abruptly. 

“Of course. You’ve already seen the worst of me.” You giggled. 

“Why do you believe that I’m Lucifer the real Lucifer and not just a name? Is it just on my word alone?” 

That question sobered you up, “Oh… well to my credit, I thought it was sus that you would joke like that so consistently and so frequently… so I wasn’t really trying to fuck with you to begin with because even if you weren’t actually Lucifer, you would still be weird as fuck. Besides there were too many things about you that didn’t really add up, like the bullet holes in your suits but seeing that you were fine and I knew you didn’t wear a bulletproof vest. Then there’s that thing when you ask people’s desires. It was all too weird not to at least consider that you were who you said you were. Then I um… I saw your face,” you spoke quietly remembering the day you knew beyond a shadow of a doubt the Lucifer was the actual fallen angel of god, “You were in an interrogation room with someone and I guess you thought everyone had cleared out from the other side of the mirror… but I'd slipped in to deal with a little wardrobe malfunction… and um yeah."

You weren't eager to meet his gaze instead you were staring at the ceiling. That was the worst week of your life. You became almost convinced that you were losing your mind, but at the same time it put so many things into perspective. It's not like he ever lied about who he was. You just figured he was… you didn't really know but some part of you didn't fully believe he was  _ actually  _ Lucifer. Realizing that Lucifer was who he said he was sent you straight to church, where you nearly made yourself sick crying. It wasn’t just the knowledge that Lucifer was real that shook you to your core. It was the confirmation that God was that broke you so intimately, because that meant there was a God who made you the way that he did, who watched you go through what you did and perhaps he’d orchestrated the whole thing himself. There was a higher power who planned this painful life out for you. 

You stared up at the ornate light fixture over the coffee table remembering that feeling of utter existential betrayal. Lucifer leaned over to be in your eyesight, “And then you decided to become friends with the devil?” he asked in a disbelief. 

“Ha! No. Remember when I took that spontaneous vacation last year? Yeah I went back to my childhood church… for guidance I think? I don’t know what I wanted but it was the only place I could think to go.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?” he demanded. 

“Luc, I was scared,” you answered, surprised that he had to ask, his face fell just a bit in sorrow but you kept talking, “I took a week off of work… I went to church. I didn't…  _ tell  _ anyone because they would have thought that I was crazy.”

“So you went to pray to God for salvation from me?” His voice was bitter with anger, but he was wrong an you had to explain to him why you really went to the church. 

“No, I went to the church because I had questions. If you’re real then that means God is real, and I have a couple bones to pick with him. God watched what I was going through and… he didn’t do a thing to help me. He made me the way I am and threw me to the wolves for what? Entertainment? What benevolent God would tolerate any of the evil things that happen here, especially to people who did nothing but kneel to him and pray for better?”

Your words did nothing to soothe the bitter expression on his face.

“The devil’s on Earth, surely you thought it was me. I was the reason for all your little misfortunes. I am the root of all evil, am I not?”

“Luc, that doesn’t make sense. If you were, for argument’s sake, 100% evil and you were behind all the bad things in the world, why wouldn’t God stop you. If the Bible is right, and he loves us all, why the hell are you here? God can’t be all powerful and unable to keep you in check. So either he’s not all powerful, or he doesn’t care what happens to us which means he doesn’t care or worse that he likes to see us hurt. I went to that church because I needed to know why God would allow the things that have happened to me. Then a priest said something to me…it was so odd because he had no way of knowing what I was going through but he sat right beside me and said… God never gives us more than we can handle… even when things seem impossible, when we are shaken to the core he believes in our strength to overcome."

"Oh good. My father put you in my path."

"It’s not about you Luc, not right now. What that told me is that God chose this for me. He chose to put me through all the shit my family has done to me. And if you believe that priests can speak with the voice of God then he put it on that man’s heart to say that to me, when I was hurting. I was at my wits end and the message I got was… a taunt. I spent so long trying to be strong enough to make it on my own and for the first time in a long time I was seriously scared. But my alternative was to go home and let my father run my life. I could do the Christian thing, swallow my pride, humble myself and come back home and never see the devil again. Or… I could go back to the life I carved out for myself… I could continue to walk the path that led me straight to Lucifer. What you’re not getting is… the people who align themselves with God in my life are the people who have tortured me all my life. I figured if they were on God’s side, and you were in L.A. the place represented the freedom I fought for all those years then…” you trailed off not knowing what to say as Lucifer met your gaze again. He seemed to be searching your face for any sign that you were lying.

“Was it really that simple?”

“... No, but well Lucifer you’re not actually that bad. And I was curious about you so I did a lot of reading religious texts… and secular religious texts-”

“Milton and Dante?”

“And Marlowe… I read Dr. Faustus, but none of it matched you very well. And then I decided to just… get to know you, make my decision from there and I couldn’t help but to like you.” 

“How long have you known?”

"… It's been a year."

"And you still invited me to your home for our spa nights?"

"Yeah."

Lucifer's confusion was written all over his face, "You're not afraid anymore."

"I mean… that face is… harrowing. It is  _ hard  _ to look at but… ugly people exist all over the place, doesn't mean they're not lovable," you tried to joke with him to alleviate the tension in the room. It didn't quite work because Lucifer kept looking at you like you'd grown a second head.

"Sorry, that I never said anything. I just didn't know how. By the time I felt comfortable, you were my friend and I didn't want to offend you. It seems like something that you keep a secret… your face I mean."

He turned away from you, letting his head fall back against the back of the couch so you couldn't see it. You couldn’t decipher whether he was angry with you or not and that made you anxious. 

“Luc,” you called, your voice breaking just a bit as you scrambled to right yourself on the sofa, “I’m really sorry. I should have said something then but I-”

“You were scared. I heard you.” 

“Yeah, but I’m not anymore and I mean it. Please don’t be mad.”

“I’m not.” 

“Then why won’t you look at me.” you huffed. Lucifer turned his head to look at you as if to appease you. “Just tell me we’re alright. I really didn’t mean to hurt you by not saying something sooner-”

“We're alright. I wish you said something, though."

"Would it really have changed anything?"

"I don't know but maybe it would have helped to know that you knew and that you didn't… think ill of me for it."

You felt your entire demeanor shift and soften. That was the very thing you longed for when you felt like a monster all those years for liking girls. Hearing one person tell you that it was alright, that their opinion of you hadn't changed would have made life a little easier.

"You're right. And I really am sorry I didn't say something sooner."

"I might have also set you up with my therapist. She knows too."

“Well, damn. Yeah that would have been really helpful. I thought I was losing my mind back then you know. Mental health was at an all time low.”

“I still think you’ve lost your mind. You just accepted that, no questions? You didn’t even give me a chance to tell my side of the story and I mean it’s obvious you were raised Christian. How can you not think I’m the root of all evil? That I”m deceitful and dangerous.”

“It just doesn’t add up. Lucifer… you’re really not that bad. I mean you’ve met my father,” you laughed a little, “You’re really complicated, and maybe a little pig headed but… you have a good heart it shines through despite even your best efforts,” You let your head rest against the heel of your palm as you braced your arm on the back of the couch. Lucifer looked… vulnerable. He still seemed to be trying to decide if you were lying to him. You grabbed his face in one hand. 

"If I were scared of you I wouldn't have made a deal that involved being relatively alone with you for 2 weeks. You're gonna have to face the possibility that you're not that scary."

Lucifer was just trying to make sense of the feeling hearing you say these things gave him. He was used to the lust, a dull heat of sexual arousal just from your presence. It was so familiar at this point he barely noticed it, didn't give it a thought. This new feeling was making it… hard to sit still. There was energy, a desire to do something but he wasn't sure what. He knew part of him seemed relieved that you'd already accepted him for who he was without him even being fully aware. You were hosting your boring nights-in knowing that he was the real devil. All of your moments alone with him held new significance because you knew, the whole time you knew and yet you still trusted him. He didn't really know what he was feeling but as odd as it was, he didn't want it to stop. 

Some other, darker part of himself was waiting for the other shoe to drop. What was the catch? There was always a catch. Were you in cahoots with his father? Were you actually planning some convoluted plot to seal him in hell? It was all just too good to be true.

"Penny for your thoughts?" You asked, mocking his accent while you rested your face on his shoulder. 

"My thoughts cost far more than that darling."

"Fine, keep your secrets. I saw Howl's Moving Castle on HBO, we gotta watch it 'cause you remind me of Howl." You leaned forward and grabbed the remote from the coffee table. You drew your legs up as you went through the motions of looking for the movie. You could tell Lucifer didn't want to tell you what he was thinking. It was a little irritating because you wanted to be sure you were actually forgiven but some things just weren't about you. He was entitled to the privacy of his thoughts. Plus, if Lucifer was mad at you he definitely wouldn't let you cuddle up to his side while you settled in to watch this movie with him. 

Lucifer was… conflicted, more conflicted than usual. You were warm against his side and the smell of your hair wafted around him, a sweet cocktail of coconut and other warm and sweet scents. For the longest time he thought it was your perfume but after 12 days of living in very close proximity to you, he knew it was the menagerie of hair products you used. He was only watching the movie in a loose sense. He was trying to see why this Howl character reminded you of him.

"I'm nothing like him. He's a hoarder." Lucifer complained. 

"So you agree that you're exactly as dramatic though. And you have an awful reputation but actually… you're not half bad, just a little dramatic and shallow."

"Tell me how you really feel.” he grumbled, “Well then you're Sophie. The oldest young woman I've ever met."

You stuck your tongue out at him, "Sophie's a great character so the jokes on you."

You made it through the whole movie and wound up falling asleep on The Grinch with Lucifer's arm over your shoulder and your head on his chest. After the movie went off he poked your cheek to try to wake you. You batted his hand away and complained sleepily at him. 

“Go to bed,” he spoke. Your response was to curl deeper into his side. It would be charming… if he let himself see it that way. Instead, he sighed and got up making you fall over to the side. 

“You’re an asshole,” you complained, sitting up. 

“Go to bed, it’s more comfortable.” 

“I still think it’s sus that you got one bed. Luc, you really can’t fall in love with me. I don’t recommend it.”

He didn’t respond to you, but you hardly took notice, a byproduct of only having your eyes half opened. He watched you get up from the sofa and trudge to the bedroom the dramatic train of your robe dragging regally behind you. You crawled into bed while Lucifer got ready for a shower. 

Sleep welcomed you with… tentative arms. You were almost meditative. You could still hear the white noise of the shower but you still felt asleep. You had no desire to move. So when Lucifer came back into the room you heard him moving about quietly and you heard the flick of the light switch as he turned it off. The weight of the bed shifted soon after and cool air creeped under the covers. You meant to genuinely complain but all that came out was a grumble. He stopped moving for a second before eventually settling in bed. 

"You're such a weird human," he spoke, "I can't tell if you're awake or not. Wake up."

"What?" You whined. 

"Is the reason you won't sleep with me because I'm the devil?"

"Are you asking out of a genuine need to understand or are you trying to persuade me to have sex with you?"

"I want to understand why you're different."

"Historically, it was because I didn't even know you. You were a weird rich guy who usually got anyone he wanted. I'm not the type of woman to be a fleeting memory."

"And now?"

"I like you too much."

"What does that mean?" 

"Luci, I'm tired. Ask me in the morning."

"Tell me what that means. How can you like someone too much to have sex with them?"

"I care too much. It's complicated. Ask me in the morning, please I can't think I'm so sleepy." 

"Just explain it now. I won't be able to sleep-"

"You're my best friend. I care about your choices. I wouldn't want this for you."

Lucifer's face softened as he looked at you, your eyes still closed, face relaxed, "Darling, anyone would be more than lucky-"

"Oh it's a privilege and a blessing. God fucked over my life, but he gave me a pussy that is truly unparalleled. I don't wanna ruin sex for you like that when I'm not going to let you wife me. And I throw neck like a 'roided out Giraffe, baby I would ruin your life."

"I should have known that's what you meant. Good night," he spoke in a voice that was trying to sound cross but you could hear the amusement in his voice. 

"Night, Luc."


	7. Chapter 7

You were happy to finally be home again. When you got in early this morning you had enough energy to shower, change into a big t-shirt and crawl in bed. Despite how tired you were, your sleep wasn’t exactly restful. You kept waking up only to roll over and try to sleep again. You gave up at about 4pm and set upon unpacking and getting ready for Lucifer to come over for the boring night in that you promised him. He hadn’t let you forget before dropping you off at your home. Thinking about that now, you thought Lucifer seemed a little odd. You sat in the car with him and Mazikeen, who picked the two of you up from the airport, and listened to Lucifer retell the events of your winter vacation. 

“Hey, Maze. I’ve been thinking about letting you ruin my life,” you joked halfway through. 

“Anytime any place, babydoll,” she answered with her sly smile. 

“That’s what I like to hear. I’ve always kinda wanted to do it on a balcony.” 

“You take strap, right?” 

“Like a champ,” you beamed. 

Maze glanced back at you with a skeptical little look, “I’ve made tougher girls cry.” 

“You think you can make me cry?” 

“I know I can.” 

“Please say you promise.” You spoke in an airy little voice reserved for sounding sweet and innocent especially when you were being anything but.

“Alright!” Lucifer complained, “If the two of you could calm down. And Y/N, we haven’t broken up yet-”

“Oh right. We’re done. Let’s just be friends. Now Maze, I just need to know will you eat it from the-”

“Yes,”Maze cut you off. 

“Ooooh, you really are a life ruiner. Damn it. Gimme like another month not to care about my life anymore. I swear I’m gonna ride you ‘til the wheels fall off.” 

“Would you two stop it?!” Lucifer complained again. He seemed genuinely annoyed which brought you up short. You and Maze always talked like this. Why was it bothering him so much now? Maybe he was just irritable from the flight, or maybe after two weeks of your shenanigans he’d finally had enough. 

Maze was looking at Lucifer weirdly too, “You’ve never been one not to share.”

“Share? You guys are not sharing me. I just said I still care about my life. I can’t peak this soon, you guys,” you protested. 

“Y/N would you be serious for one second. I was talking about our time at the casino.” 

“Oh right, you were talking. My bad,” you apologized. Lucifer started talking again, but you couldn’t help but notice that Maze had a funny little smile on her face. When she dropped you off, she got of the car to help you with your bags before Lucifer could. He complained about it the entire time she carried them to your door for you. When she set your things down she stood incredibly close to you. 

“Call me if you ever want that ride,” she murmured letting her lips just barely touch yours before she left out. Lucifer seemed furious, which… made absolutely no sense. You assumed it was an ego thing. Despite the fact that you’d explained why you wouldn’t sleep with him you were still, seemingly, willing to sleep with Maze. That was only a hypothetical thought. If you ever wanted to have sex in general ruined for you then you’d give her a call. Something about Maze made you think that she really would eat it so good you cried. There were a couple things you wanted to do before you let Mazikeen wreck you. Still, he’d stayed behind long enough to be sure that you were still on to be boring. 

When Lucifer came over it was well after dark, you’d managed to wash your hair and deep condition it before he got there. You were truly at home and in your element. Big shirt, tiny shorts, and a couple of movies ready to go. Lucifer brought over Indian food and you took it from him enthusiastically. 

“Did you sleep?” he asked as he walked in. 

“Eh, off and on. What about you?” 

“No.” 

“Get some ass?” you asked casually as you put the bag of food down on the coffee table. 

“No.” 

“Not enough time?” you guessed. 

Lucifer took a moment to look at you now, in your usual sleep clothes and not the pretty pajama sets you’d worn the last few weeks. He preferred this, which was an odd thought for him to have, but there was something so charming about your big t-shirt and fuzzy socks. It was you. You were already more relaxed than you were for your entire “vacation”. 

“Not nearly enough time, but also I wasn’t looking for sex.” 

“Oh. What were you doing?” 

“Nothing of interest,” he shrugged, and it wasn’t technically a lie. He doubted his activities would interest you, considering you seemed to be more interested in what Mazikeen had to offer. 

“Are you mad at me?” you asked with a little huff.

“I’m not mad at you,” he answered, but the way he said it made it seem like there _was_ something he wanted to say even if he wasn’t angry. 

“Did I do something that you didn’t like?” You asked patiently.

“Yes, but it’s hardly your fault. You don’t seem to be able to help yourself.” 

“It’s the Mazikeen thing isn’t it,” you guessed. He didn’t answer which meant that he didn’t want to lie and say no, but he also didn’t want to confirm your suspicions. “Luc, if you don’t want me to fuck, Maze, just say that. I was mostly joking anyway.” 

“What’s the difference between Maze and I, though?”

“This me not having sex with you thing is really bothering you isn’t it.” 

“I can understand Detective Decker because she’s not just resistant to my charms, but she also isn’t moved to tell me her desires, but you are; so why aren’t you attracted to me.” 

“Luc, I _am_ attracted to you.”

“So then you should want to have sex with me.” 

“...I…” you really didn’t want to lie to him and say that you didn’t want to have sex with him, because you did, but it was different than just… lust. It felt different. You wanted to… It hit you in that moment. You really did care about Lucifer too much to have sex with him, because it wouldn’t just be sex to you. That soft feeling that came to you when you thought of the little things you’d seen in him over the last two weeks. Had you always known, subconsciously, that you couldn’t sleep with Lucifer because you had the potential to fall in love with him? This very same softness wouldn’t let you just lie to him. You could just shrug and say you didn’t want to have sex with him. You could use any of the excuses that up until this very moment you believed to be true. You couldn’t have sex with him because he was your friend, that was the truth, not the whole truth though. You couldn’t have sex with him because you had too much trauma around men to do it and preserve your friendship, also true but you would also have to confront that you cared so much about how you treated him not just because you valued his friendship but because you valued him. How many decisions was love behind and you’d had no idea until this very moment? Did you choose Lucifer to ask a favor from because you loved him all along and some sad part of you knew that this was the closest you would ever get? No, you couldn’t have loved him that long. Surely it happened at your parents’ house, hearing him take up for you in ways that no one had ever bothered to before. It had to be that, but if that was true then it could be possible that you didn’t love him at all, you were just latching on to the feeling of being protected. 

However, how many different ways had you told him that you loved him for two weeks straight. You’d listed all your favorite things about him right to his face. You kept talking about how you didn’t care that he was the devil. How could you not care that he was the devil… unless you were already in too deep? You couldn’t have sex with Lucifer because you loved him, and you knew in your heart that he wouldn’t feel the same. He was an immortal. Why would he love one human when he faced eons? Your life would be just a blink in the span of his own. This knowledge settled heavy in your heart. You felt yourself die all in a matter of seconds as Lucifer waited for your response. You didn’t want to have sex with Lucifer. You didn’t want to fuck him. As corny as it sounded, you wanted to make love. That was the problem. That had always been the problem. 

“Remember I said you’d break my heart?” you asked, smiling a little for his benefit so that he’d think you were joking. You weren’t joking in the slightest. “You’re breaking my heart, Luc,” you laughed, because he had to think you were joking. You were so serious. You could feel it breaking. Usually you knew when you were fucked. There was one moment when you looked at someone’s face and you knew you loved them enough that they could hurt you, but you’d always felt something when you looked at Lucifer’s face. You’d just assumed you were feeling the pull of lust that was oh so common when it came to him. You didn’t even notice when the sharp pang of lust softened, rounded out into something warmer, something steadfast that hung right in the pit of your stomach. That feeling pulled down now, making your stomach feel like it was sinking, tugging towards the soles of your feet. He was breaking your heart, and it wasn’t even his fault.

“Mazikeen is much more likely to do that. She doesn’t care about your feelings.” 

“I know,” you set upon unpacking the food so you wouldn’t have to keep looking at him.

“You know? Then what was that this morning.” 

“Lucifer… I don’t know how to explain it. I-” You didn’t want to lie to him. It hurt your heart to even think about it. You’d shown him parts of yourself that no one else knew about. You put him in exactly the right place to ruin you. You’d been playing a game of chess against yourself and you had your own heart at the end of a checkmate. It was pride. You knew it was pride that kept you from just saying it. You’d die before you told a man you loved him just so that he could look at you sadly and say he was sorry. He was sorry but he didn’t feel that way. You’d take a dagger to the heart first. You’d drink a vial of poison. You’d blind yourself first. And yet… you still couldn’t lie to him. 

“Mazikeen can’t really break my heart, she doesn’t know how.”

“And I do?” 

You nodded, “So I can’t have sex with you.” 

“But that doesn’t mean you don’t want to. Y/N, I will never understand all the things you put yourself through. Going to your parents house was borderline masochistic, and now you’re denying yourself one of the greatest pleasures on Earth. Darling, you’re a glutton for punishment.”

“You don’t know how right you are,” you chuckled, “Now come on, are you gonna have this crisis the whole time you’re here or are you going to chill out with me?"

There wasn’t much you could do about it. Part of you wanted to cry, another part wanted to laugh. God had a funny way of fucking you over at every turn. It’s almost as if he saw you run back to L.A., and back to Lucifer and thought “What greater punishment than to make her fall so tenderly and selflessly in love with the devil that she won’t even let herself enjoy the lust in it.” You’d give God this much, he was clever. Despite your revelation you did your best to act normal. Letting him put his head in your lap when you were both long since done eating. He let you carefully spread a clay mask on his face with a silicone brush all while he talked, recounting things he found funny about his time at your parents house. He succeeded in pulling laughs out of you, but you were preoccupied with feeling the softness, you thought was dying in you, permeate throughout your chest more insistently. You should have known it wouldn’t be so easy. 

“Why are you looking at me like that?” he asked in the middle of him telling you about how your father tried to bribe him. 

“Like what?” you asked. You could only imagine what your face looked like. Was it as sad as you felt on the inside, or were your eyes screaming that you loved him with big neon lights? What secret was your face telling him?

“You seem upset.” 

“I’m just a little tired, Lucifer.” Even the way you said his name, the way it fell off your lips sounded different to you. Why did you have to figure it out? Why couldn’t you continue to be completely ignorant to these emotions? 

He frowned and you swept the brush down between his brows, “Stop frowning, you’ll crease your mask,” you warned. He let his eyebrows relax but his lips were still subtly turned down. If it was permitted you’d kiss that little frown away. To think of all the times you kissed him. You’d just considered the butterflies in your stomach simple lust, but here you were thinking of kissing him sweetly so that he would stop frowning. You were well and truly fucked. 

“Should I go so you can sleep?” he asked. 

You shook your head. If he left then you’d start crying. As long as he was here you wouldn’t shed a tear. You’d cried so much lately, but you never thought you’d be crying over Lucifer Morningstar. How wrong you were to think that Lucifer had to sleep with you to break your heart? It was enough for him to be himself… to just exist and here you were, crumbling. 

“I won’t even go to sleep. Honestly, I think I got used to sleeping with you,” you babbled, trying to make up for the fact that he was already on to the fact that you were upset, “Not to blame you for my problems, but this is definitely your fault.”

“That’s hardly my fault darling. You asked me to play your boyfriend. And it’s not like you argued with your parents about sharing a room with me,” he answered indignantly. 

“You’re right, it’s all my fault,” you rolled your eyes. He had no idea how true that statement was.

“I’ll stay though, if you want. I’m almost sure you have a pair of my pajama pants here. You took it on your birthday when that guy spilled a whole bottle of vodka on you.”

He was right, of course. They were shoved in your dresser, you never wore them again but you never found an appropriate time to give them back, and when he was over you never thought about the pants. 

“No, I’m sure you wanna sleep in your own bed. You’ve had enough of my snoring.” 

“Honestly, I've grown quite accustomed to it. I couldn’t nap earlier because it was too quiet and there was no one trying to burrow underneath me.” 

You scoffed, “I was just gonna take melatonin-”

“I forgot you like suffering. I _want_ to sleep tonight. We’ll wean ourselves off of it eventually, I’m too tired tonight though.” 

“Fine, Luc, but I have to be at work early so don’t grumble about it.” You relented. It looked like you wouldn’t be crying tonight after all. 

“I have therapy in the morning. It all works out.” 

You were nodding off on the couch, your skin routine was finished, and so was Lucifer’s. His head was still in your lap, and you were entirely unaware that he was looking up at you, caught in his own thoughts. He watched your head slowly lull backwards only for you to jerk back to your original position. 

“Go to bed.” 

“You’re really bossy, you know that? This is my house. Maybe I want to sleep on my couch.” you complained. You were stalling. You weren’t sure what your body would do when you got in bed with Lucifer tonight. Could your heart break any more thoroughly?

“Well, I don’t. Come on.” 

“You go ahead. I gotta clean up in here,” you urged. He sat up and walked towards the back of the house where your room was. You picked up the empty food containers and took them to the trash and then took the empty wine glasses to the sink to wash. You turned on the faucet and folded your arms against the edge of the counter and put your head down. This was the stupidest thing you’d done in a long time. This felt the same as falling in love with Gina. You knew the moment it happened that it was going to hurt. You were naive enough to hope that perhaps the two of you wouldn’t end in flames but you knew. Your intuition told you the truth you were too scared to face. Loving Gina was always going to hurt you, one way or another. You thought you learned your lesson.

Loving and falling are much the same. It’s why people called it falling in love. They both feel like flying until you meet the inevitable end. Things with Lucifer were simply ending before they could even begin. You weren’t naive enough to think that maybe things would work out. When this really ended… it was going to hurt like hell. Maybe it would be hell. Maybe your hell loop would be this night, realizing that you were in love with Lucifer and in the same breath knowing that you were doomed to always be alone in that love. Would you die loving the devil? It seemed like the kind of thing God would do to you.

Lucifer suddenly touched your lower back, making you jump. 

“Go to bed, I’ll finish up.” 

“No it’s fine. I was just thinking.” 

He raised his eyebrows and you already knew what he was thinking. ‘Penny for your thoughts.’ These thoughts weren’t so cheap and if anyone else asked you wouldn’t be so compelled to answer, to give the truth clearer than you ever had before. The words were right there, ‘I love you, and it breaks my heart because I can’t have you. I’ll love you my whole life and then some time after that, I think.’ You wouldn’t let them out. You couldn’t. You couldn’t say a word to him because you felt like crying just looking at him. The tears didn’t come, though, they just hung on your vocal chords like sandbags. To speak would be to slash the bags, let it all pour out, and you just couldn’t do that. You wouldn’t do that. The most you could do was let your head lull back for just a moment, eyes closed thinking about… God. How could he be so cruel? 

Lucifer was closer than you thought, so your head bumped him. He moved to support you as if afraid that you were falling backwards. You looked at him, feeling that familiar pull towards him, that gravity that tugged at the pit of your stomach. He could let you go, he would let you go... eventually, and send you spiraling into orbit, a vast nothingness, cold space. 

“Go,” he reiterated nudging your hip just a bit, “I’ve got it. You’re dead on your feet.” 

You did as he said because you couldn’t speak to argue with him. You passed quietly like a ghost in your own home. You crawled in bed and curled in on yourself just laying there wide awake trying to figure out what the hell you were going to do now. Lucifer eventually came to the room, moving quietly around for a moment. You allowed yourself this one lie: You pretended to be asleep so you wouldn’t have to face him. As if God meant to drive a knife through your heart for good measure Lucifer put his arm around your waist as he laid down pulling you closer until your nose just touched his chest. 

* * *

Lucifer was gone before you woke up and you finally cried. 

* * *

He left to get dressed in a new suit before therapy. He had a lot to say to Linda. He wondered if he could convince her to cancel the appointment after him. You were completely illogical. You made absolutely no sense to him. The night prior made even less sense. Was his time on Earth weakening him? Or were you really conspiring with his father to make him get attached to a human and somehow manipulate him into going back to hell? There had to be something. Too many good things happened recently for it all to be without ramifications. How could you just accept him with no work on his part? He always had to first endure the bitter sting of rejection in order to experience any amount of acceptance. It was… unbelievable that he could skip that part. Obviously his father sent you, prepared to handle that he was the devil, or rather one of his siblings gave you this task, knowing he would never hear them out. It had to be _something._ This all had to be some odd long con, because you were too weird. No one _chose_ not to act on their desires when it came to him. Detective Decker simply was never confronted with her desires, it wasn’t a choice it was the way God made her. She was specially made to ensnare him. You… you were going against your nature. 

“It’s not so much the sex that bothers me. As you know, Doctor, it’s no hard task to find a willing partner. It’s the principle that she obviously has desires but she simply denies herself. She says she cares about me too much. I do not see how caring makes her unable to indulge,” Lucifer complained. 

Linda tipped her head back slowly and then nodded as she put together exactly what was going on. It was painfully obvious, but this was Lucifer, he very rarely figured these things out on his own. 

“And do you want to sleep with Y/N?” Linda asked patiently. 

“Of course I do, but that’s not the point of this. I just want to understand. This is the second woman in a relatively short time span that is seemingly immune to my charms. We spent two weeks together and she seems utterly unmoved by me. And that’s not even the weirdest part. She knows I’m the devil.”

  
“Oh,” Linda blinked, surprised by that information. 

“Yes, and she doesn’t mind.”

“Just like that?” 

“Exactly. She finds out that I’m the devil and the only thing she talks about is the existence of God and the ways she feels forsaken by him. She completely glosses over the fact that I’m the devil like it doesn’t even matter. She’s known this whole time, and never even said anything. She didn’t treat me any differently, so I didn’t even notice, Doctor.” 

“You seem upset even though this sounds like a good thing. Why?” 

“Because no one does that. When you found out I thought I broke you. She leaves a week, comes back and continues like she doesn’t know I’m evil incarnate.” 

“Are you evil incarnate?” Linda challenged. 

“No, of course not, but everyone thinks so. Everyone treats me differently at first, scared that I might hurt them, but not her. I remember when she came back from that vacation, she seemed… normal maybe even warmer than before and then we became friends.”

  
“Is it fair to say that you think it was too easy?”

“Absolutely. She accepted this far too easily. Where’s the screams of horror? The questions about whether or not I eat babies and prey on the innocent? She didn’t even ask if I have a pitchfork.” 

“Do you?” 

He gave Linda a withering glare. 

“Right, sorry. Do you think she’s lying?” 

“That’s just the thing… I think she’s telling the truth, but it just doesn’t make any sense.”

“Why is it so hard for you to accept that someone might be able to care for you, flaws and all?” 

“Because no one ever does.” 

“No one? Yourself included?”

“Doctor, this isn’t about me. At best she’s a masochist, using me in hopes of increasing her own suffering. She has a certain capacity for self-flagellation, metaphorically of course. Worst case scenario she’s a ward of my father trying to persuade me back to hell by making me care for her.”

“Do you care for her?”

“Well she’s my friend!”

“You’re not allowing a middle road for your friend. Maybe she sees a kindred spirit in you. It seems the two of you have a lot in common. Is it possible that your own biases are coloring how you view her friendship? Because from what you’ve described, she just values your friendship and isn’t willing to risk it with a physical relationship. Let’s be honest, Lucifer, how many of the women you’ve slept with maintain a friendship with you?” 

“Besides you?”

“Besides me.” 

He thought about it. He wouldn’t call the relationship he had with the women he slept with friendships. More like they popped up at Lux whenever they wanted another taste of him. He was reminded of the case in which a bunch of the people he slept with were called to the precinct. None of them thought much of him, just a bit of fun. They all called him fun, but in the end meaningless. 

“None of them I suppose.” 

“So, she has no reason to think you’re interested in anything but meaningless sex.” 

“Oh! I see exactly what you mean.” 

“Do you?” Linda questioned skeptically. 

“I should assure her that we can maintain our friendship. I would like nothing more.”

“No,” Linda shook her head, “You said you wanted to understand, not have sex with her.”

“No I said, it wasn’t the point, however perhaps if I sleep with her I’ll stop getting this weird feeling around her.” 

Linda sat up straighter now, intrigued by the new route of the conversation, “Describe the feeling.” 

“I don’t know how to explain it, Doctor. Restless maybe? Frustrated? Neither of those words fit, but it started on that vacation. Her parents are truly awful. I thought for a moment that I mother might be pleasant but she's complicit in her own way. Anyway, it happened on a night we went out together just for fun, and the feeling hasn't gone away since. We were dancing, she's quite the temptress when she wants to be.”

“Do you think it could be linked to the fact that you care about her?” Linda asked carefully.

“Possibly. It is maddening to watch her deny her desires.”

“Her desires?”

“Her desires for me, of course. It’s such a silly thing to deny oneself.” 

“And she’s told you that she wants you?” 

“ Yes, she admits to finding me attractive.” 

Linda sighed, visibly deflating because nothing with Lucifer was ever easy. “Lucifer, could you be mistaking another emotion for lust?”

“Doctor, I know lust and that's all it is. I’m sure once she is no longer a mystery, I won’t think about her so much. I just need to know what it is.” 

“So you think if you sleep with her you’ll understand her better.” 

“That must be it. Then this feeling can stop and we can go back to how we were.”

“I don’t see how that’s going to fix anything. If I might give you a little advice because I don’t like the direction this conversation is going in. Sex with some people isn’t always a casual affair, especially when a strong emotional bond like a friendship already exists between them.”

  
Lucifer was quiet and Linda waited with baited breath hoping Lucifer understood what she meant without her having crossing the ethical boundaries of making guesses about the motivations of people she hadn’t met, but it just seemed so obvious. 

“I see,” Lucifer glanced at his watch, “huh, our time is almost up. I thought for sure we’d need more time, but you’re as sharp as ever, Doctor.”

“Wait, wait, Lucifer, what are you going to do?” she asked as Lucifer got up and began walking towards the door.

“I’m going to assure, Y/N that we are perfectly capable of staying friends. I don’t just sleep with women who don’t care about me.” He left the office, closing the door behind him before Linda could speak. She let out a heavy sigh and pinched the bridge of her nose. She suddenly wished she could talk to you, if only to explain that Lucifer was an absolute idiot sometimes.

* * *

You were creating a profile for one of the detectives in the precinct, sitting at your desk, otherwise minding your business. Work was a welcome reprieve, especially since Lucifer wasn’t there. You could take comfort in doing what you were good at and that was understanding the mind of a criminal. The Detective in charge believed he had a serial killer on his hands, but you were pretty sure you were looking at three separate killers at minimum. The manner of death was far too different. 

“Y/N, can I borrow you?” Detective Decker spoke as she walked up to your desk. You looked up at her curiously wondering what she could need. She smiled politely as you looked at her. 

“What’s up?” 

“I’ve got a helluva crime scene waiting on me and from the description… I think we’ve got some weird circumstances. I just want your perspective.” 

“Absolutely, no problem.” You stood up closing out your computer and tucking the file away in a locked cabinet. 

“Oh, I like your outfit today. It’s a new look.” 

You looked down at yourself reflexively. You were wearing a nice blouse with a tweed pinafore. You felt cute, less obliged to be… big bad Y/N. You just wanted to look nice, so at least you didn’t feel like crap about how you looked on top of all of your inner turmoil about Lucifer. When you felt like your life was spiraling out of control it helped to take special care of the one thing you could control, your appearance. Your life felt very much out of your hands at the moment. 

“Thanks, it has pockets,” you stuck your hands in the hidden pockets of the pinafore. 

“Ooo, nice.” Chloe agreed, “I’m overdue for a new wardrobe, but it’s like who has the time, you know?” 

You nodded sympathetically. Chloe was always easy to talk to. You used to spend far more time with her on the job before Lucifer came along. The best part about Chloe though, is when the small talk came to its natural end, she was comfortable with silence. You sat in the passenger side of her car and just watched the world pass you by. To think you thought L.A. would be your gateway to freedom while you were home, only for you to dive head first into a new type of prison. You hadn’t loved anyone since Gina, and now your heart set itself on Lucifer Morningstar of all people. Maybe he was right, you were a masochist. You wished that your reasoning for thinking your heart was doomed was shallow. You wished it was just because you thought you weren’t pretty enough, or fun enough, or some other false self-deprecating narrative. The truth was far more hurtful. Lucifer wasn’t emotionally mature enough for a relationship. He was immortal as far as you could tell so he would outlive you, and even if you got past all of that years of trauma from your parents meant giving and accepting love was tricky business. It wasn’t fair.

Arriving at the crime scene was a relief. You had something other than your own woes to focus on. 

The crime scene was…sad. You arrived with Detective Decker and walked into the house. The smell always hit you first. It was the smell of rust, decay, and voided bowels in the stagnant air. When you got to the body, Ella was crouched beside it inspecting something on the back of the victim's head. The victim was a young, long haired, brunette white woman. She might have been in her late 20s. She'd been there for a while. Maybe three days from the smell and the state of the body. 

"Y/N!" Ella greeted happily looking up at you. Her tone was in stark contrast to the surrounding atmosphere.

"Hey, Ell-Bell. Whatcha got?"

"This one's a real bummer. Body's been here for at least 72 hours. Her roommate came back from Christmas with her family to this," Ella gestured to the body. 

"Any guesses on the cause of death?" Chloe asked.

"Right now? Stabbing. This knife was in the body when the roommate arrived," Ella held up a knife inside of a sealed evidence bag. 

"Prints?" Chloe didn't seem to actually believe there would be prints. That would be too easy anyway.

Ella shook her head, "Seems the stabbing might have happened while she was already down though. The bruising around where the hilt of the knife hit the surrounding flesh indicates a lot of residual force, so a down swing."

"Her attacker could have been taller than her," Chloe offered.

You shook your head, "The blade would have dragged down her chest with gravity. Looks like it goes straight in and out.. only once though."

"Yeah, which kind of rules out a crime of passion."

"It almost seems tentative, " you mumble squatting with your legs closed to get a better look at the wound.

"Good Morning, Detective!" Lucifer greeted, "Oh and Y/N. Detective are you replacing me?"

"I would if I could, Lucifer. Y/N is actually at work early so she's not late to crime scenes."

"You'll have to excuse my tardiness. I was in a session with my therapist.” 

Chloe hummed to indicate that she heard him, “Ella, where’s the roommate now?” 

Ella pointed across the room towards the kitchen doorway, “She’s pretty shaken up. Every time someone questions her she gets worked up. I think cops make her nervous.”

Chloe looked at you, “Do you mind talking to her?”

“No problem.” 

“I should go too,” Lucifer announced. 

“No need,” you waved him off striding towards the kitchen yourself. The young woman at the counter looked utterly shell shocked. You sat down at the table beside her and she didn’t even notice you. Her eyes were trained on the kitchen window, staring unseeingly outside. 

“Good morning, I’m Dr. Y/N L/N,” you greeted. 

She blinked then looked at you as if she was surprised to see you there. She’d missed the entire process of you coming over and sitting down. 

“I’m Mariah…. I um. I live here.” 

“I just want to go over some things with you Mariah. Could you walk me through when you found your roommate.”

“I was just coming home from the airport, and… and when I opened the door I knew something was wrong. The smell-” she choked on a sob, you reached across the table and took her hand to comfort her. 

“Take your time.” 

“I… I didn’t even get far. Rachel was just right there. She had a knife in her chest and there was so much blood.”

“Was the front door locked when you got home?”

“Yes. No broken windows either. I was supposed to come back sooner but travel delays.”

“Do you know if Rachel had any enemies, people who want to do her harm?” 

“No, everyone loved her. She was one of those people who could just make you feel good about yourself you know? She was so kind and fun, and I- I can’t believe she’s gone. She was my best friend.”

“Is there any one she would have let into the house? Someone she was dating or talking to?” 

“Well, she recently started talking to this guy… he’s… he’s not a bad guy he’s just not good for her. He’s a partier and I always thought Rachel deserved a guy who was entirely committed to her you know. But she liked him, I mean she really liked him and it broke her heart.” 

“So is it safe to say that Rachel wasn’t her normal self.” 

“She was just a little down about the guy. It’s hard you know, when you love someone who’s no good for you.” 

“I know.” 

“And he never understood just how much she cared about him. I don’t think he’s a bad guy, I really don’t and I can’t imagine him doing this. He’s just… not aware of the effect he has on people.”

“But it is possible she would have opened the door for him.” 

“Absolutely. She knew he was no good but… the heart wants what it wants I guess,” Mariah sighed. 

“Do you know this guy’s name?” 

“Oh yeah, Robert Graham. He lives in Downtown L.A.”

“Thank you, Mariah. I’m so sorry for your loss. Please take care of yourself,” you spoke earnestly as you stood up from the chair. You left the kitchen and joined Chloe and Lucifer again. 

“Roommate says the door was definitely locked when she came home, so it’s possible Rachel knew her killer. She also told us that Rachel was dating someone named Robert Graham. She definitely would have let him in. Ells, are Rachel’s keys here?”

Ella looked through the bag around her shoulder that she was used to put the evidence bags in. She produced a set of keys, “Yes, these were in her pocket.” 

“... Hm, so how was the door locked when Mariah came home. We should see if Robert had a key."

"I'll follow up with Mariah, see if she knows an address." Chloe finished. Lucifer followed after her dutifully so you went to stand by Ella, helping silently. 

"You're sad, what happened?" Ella asked after a moment. 

"That obvious?" You huffed a humorless laugh, "Drinks tonight and I'll tell you all about it."

"You're on. Until then whatever's bothering you I know you'll get through it. You're the strongest person I know."

Her compliment settled weirdly on you. You didn't feel strong. You felt incredibly fragile like you were one more blow from shattering. In such a short time you'd experienced your father wishing you dead,and now what could be the end of your closest friendship. The last thing you felt was strong. You just wanted to be… protected, sheltered from the unyielding harshness of this world. 

"You look really beautiful today, you know?" Ella offered, obviously aware that you were getting more upset. You smiled for her benefit and thanked her then carefully steered the conversation back to work. 

Chloe was trying to ignore Lucifer while she sent the name Robert Graham to Dan so he could search him up at the precinct. Mariah hadn't known where the man lived and all she wanted most at the moment was her best friend back. It was safe to say she wasn't a suspect, besides, she was out of town until recently and the body was far too old for her to have done it. 

"What did she say about her vacation?"

"I didn't ask, Lucifer. Why don't you ask her?"

"She won't tell me the truth."

"Well, then maybe it's none of your business. Y/N is a private person. I'd appreciate it if you didn't bother her. She's a good friend."

"If you're such good friends, Detective, then maybe you should be more worried about her. She is obviously upset and I just want to know what it is."

"If she wants to talk about it she will. Now please, we have a suspect to find." Chloe came back into the living room and called out to you, "We're going to meet Robert Graham. Ella, keep me posted on anything new you find. "

"Sure thing."

You followed Chloe out which put you right beside Lucifer. You could feel him looking at you but you kept looking straight ahead. This was work. You couldn't let your personal turmoil get in the middle of things. That being said it felt like your whole body was singing with life to be this close to him.

You got back in the car with Detective Decker and resigned yourself to staring out of the window. 

"Are you doing okay?" She asked. 

"Yeah. I'm fine."

"Okay… because you know you can talk to me?"

"... Have you ever loved someone you know is bad for you?" You asked. 

She looked at you for a moment, "Yeah. I know I'm a detective so I'm supposed to tell you to find the facts but sometimes… in matters of the heart it's best to follow your intuition."

"That's the conclusion I've come to. It's just sad."

"I understand… is it someone I've met."

"No, no, she's a friend back home." You lied to throw Chloe off your trail. It was for the best that she didn't know it was Lucifer. You liked Chloe but this wasn't the kind of thing you could talk to her about. You arrived at a huge skyscraper said to be the headquarters of Robert Graham's company.

"Oh so he's this type," you mumbled walking in seeing art deco decor and other eccentric decor. Chloe took the lead walking up to the receptionist. Lucifer was right beside you as the two of you followed Chloe. 

"You seem troubled." Lucifer observed.

"Hm," you hummed to show that you heard him. 

"You don't deny it."

"Well I have lots of things to be troubled about. My dad did say that he preferred me dead, so safe to say I'm out of the will, and now the devil is in my business." It was easie to lie to him under less intimate circumstances, in the light of day when you weren't already at your most vulnerable.

"I get the feeling you're lying to me."

"Maybe I am. Maybe I'm not troubled at all," you agreed flippantly following as Chloe went to the elevator. 

"I thought we were past all of the evasiveness."

"Maybe I don't want to talk about it right now."

"I still owe you half of my earnings from that night at the casino. Detective, she is quite the lucky charm."

"When did you two go to a casino?" Chloe asked. 

"Not important, " you answered, "I am not lucky it was a coincidence."

"That many coincidences in a row? Soon you'll be saying we didn't make a good couple."

"Lucifer I don't want to talk about that right now."

"When do you want to talk. Tonight after a cuddle?" Lucifer asked. 

"Look whatever's going on between you two-"

"Nothing is going on between us! He is purposefully making this sound like something it's not. It was a favor, that's all." You snapped. Chloe went wide eyed for a moment then turned a reproachful glare to Lucifer. 

"Stop bothering her, Lucifer."

"I was simply inquiring about her wellbeing. That's what friends do and I in fact value Y/N as a friend. No matter what we do together."

"So even if I beat you with one of these ugly ass vases," you asked, stepping out of the elevator, pointing to a hideous vase that looked to be made out of metal.

"Depends on how hard you hit me, darling."

"Knock it off, Lucifer." Chloe snapped.

"She threatens me with bodily harm and I'm reprimanded? I thought we were partners, Detective!"

Chloe ignored him and so did you because the three of you were walking into Robert Graham's office. You took a quick look around the office, trying to get a good read on Robert as a person. He seemed to be proud of his company's success and his hand in making it succeed. There were lots of certificates and awards… some of which he must have made a certificate for himself. This job meant a lot to him. You couldn't imagine him risking it by murdering his girlfriend. Then there was the gaudy decor. It reminded you a bit of Lucifer's penthouse. Robert Graham was obviously a man with quite the ego and the funds to support it.

"Mr. Robert Graham, I am Detective Decker from the LAPD I have a few questions for you."

"What's this about?" Robert looked up at you all. He was very handsome, in the way that wealthy white men are attractive in L.A. He didn't stand out, he just looked tanned, and perfect. He had a face that people paid to get, hell he might have paid to get it. You wondered how he and Rachel met. 

"Do you know Rachel Montgomery?"

"Yeah… we're uh sort of talking."

"Talking? What does that mean?" Chloe asked. 

"Like casually dating. No labels." He waved of flippantly.

You rolled your eyes, of course, you remembered Mariah saying that Rachel cared more for him than he did for her. It didn't rule him out, the crime didn't exactly say it was one of passion. One clean stroke to the heart was practically detached, no anger, no passion, he very well could have done it. The only thing he really cared about was his image.

"When's the last time you saw Rachel?"

"It's been a couple of weeks I've been busy. Is she in some kind of trouble?" He stood now, alarmed. Perhaps he wasn't completely reptilian, then again a rogue lover might also look bad on his image, then again so could a dead one.

"She's dead. Her roommate found her this morning with a knife in her chest."

"What?" He asked, staring at Chloe as if he were truly devastated. He and Rachel were closer than he let on, his stress response seemed too strong. Of course he could be acting, you didn't know enough about his body language to tell yet, "No she's- Do you know who did it?"

"That's why we're here. Mr. Graham. Where were you on the 24th of this month?"

"Christmas eve? I was with family. I, of course, can get you in contact with people who can vouch for me. There are also pictures."

"I would like to see those. Additionally could you tell us if Rachel had any enemies."

Robert was going through his phone for the Christmas pictures while he spoke, "She'd been in an ongoing feud with her landlord, Mr. Johnston."

"What about?"

"She was suspicious of him putting cameras in the house. She had a door bell cam and saw him come in with a full bag and leave with an empty one. She checked her network, found a bunch of new devices connected to them. They were little cameras. Look I know him, he's my Dad's neighbor they both live up north, guy's always been a grade A creep."

"Did she go to the police about it?"

"She confronted her Mr. Johnston and he threatened to put her out. She couldn't afford to find a new place at the moment so she backed off but I think she meant to collect more evidence and then go to the cops. I felt so helpless I didn't know what to do for her and she wouldn't just move in with me, she didn't want to leave her roommate to deal with it. And now she's gone," he spoke that last piece quieter, pausing in his search for the pictures. To put his head in his hands. Your eyes strayed up to a couple of pictures on one of the bookshelf. It looked like someone was in to fishing. There were two older men in the photo, and Robert all holding a huge marlin. 

"Was there anyone else Rachel might have been seeing? I know the two of you weren't exclusive." Chloe continued the questioning.

"I don't think so but then again I don't know. We were drifting a little. I've been wrapped up in work, I couldn't be there the way I should have been. She said she was gonna be alone until the 26th and I know she wanted me to stay but it was all too much. I just thought we were moving too fast. I mean she told me she loved me and I pushed her away! I couldn't deal with it, but maybe if I... I dunno, maybe if we talked it out then she'd still be alive... she would have been upstate with my parents," He spoke tearfully and you noticed that was the most truthful thing he'd said since you guys got here. The way he said it was just a little bit different than everything else not as rehearsed. You had no evidence to suggest he already knew Rachel was dead but he certainly knew something else. His story about the landlord was a little convenient but it would explain the locked door. 

You turned and looked at Chloe and nodded your head towards the door. You didn't want to press him. If there was something here and you pressed too fast he might shut down. Whatever he was hiding, he was truly sorry that Rachel was dead. Chloe caught your gaze and nodded imperceptibly. 

"I'm so sorry for your loss, Mr. Graham. Please call us if you can think of anything else, and stay in town just in case we have more questions."

He nodded, "Of course, anything I can do to help."

Lucifer looked confused that Chloe hadn't called on his talents but he followed her out. Lucifer had questions and he asked them loudly on the elevator. Chloe glanced to you first and you shook your head imperceptibly. The camera in the elevator had audio. 

"That guys not the killer, Lucifer, we'll keep in contact but I really want to look into the landlord, see if we find similar complaints, maybe see if we find cameras in the house as well."

"Well I could have asked what he wanted! Detective, I didn't expect you to fully ignore me now that you have Y/N on board."

"Well Y/N has several degrees and not just a little quirk working to corroborate her observations."

"So what? A rich bachelor gives you a tearful testimony and you just believe him? Boohoo, he can't accept love and you think that's his only crime. You heard the way Mariah talked about Rachel she was obviously a kind woman. She wanted to be a pediatrician! You have a little urchin, you know those people are practically saints." he kept ranting.

You knew Lucifer wouldn't drop it. He complained the whole way down. And then the whole way out of the building. The moment you were out of the building you decided to get in the car with Lucifer so he wouldn't do something stupid like wait around for Robert and interrogate him himself. 

Once you were out of the parking garage you explained it all to Lucifer, "Robert is a rich man, you go in too heavy and he gets lawyers involved and makes it impossible to properly investigate Rachel's death. Whatever his part in it, the only part of what he said that wasn't super rehearsed is when he said he and Rachel were distant these days. I could tell from microexpressions. They're little ticks we have when we're talking, they happen naturally they only disappear when we've practiced a lie, something that we're not connected to emotionally. Robert's hiding something but we need more evidence before we go after him. Until then we have to make it seem like we're on his side. "

"Well why didn't you two say that?!"

"We were in his building. All the security cameras had audio. Couldn't do it until now."

"I thought you were just a Criminal Psychologist, not a spy."

"I've worked with the FBI, they teach you things," you shrugged. 

"Since that mystery is solved, would you mind solving another for me?" He asked. 

"What's that?"

"Why do you seem so… glib?"

"Glib?"

"Your head's not really in this investigation, is it?"

"It is. I've just got other things on my mind as well."

"Penny for your thoughts."

"Price has gone up."

"You know, I think you're preoccupied with your own desires."

"Is that so?" You mused trying to sound as if you found his guess amusing. 

"You know, darling. It's perfectly natural to be curious of what I have to offer?"

"Oh really?" You breathed.

"Yes! I'm more than happy to have you and nothing has to change at all. We could still be great friends. In fact there's already a name for it: Friends with benefits!"

You laughed and at least 25% of the laugh was genuine because how ridiculous could your life get? You were in love with this idiot and he was gleefully suggesting you be friends with benefits as if that would solve all of your problems. Mostly though you were laughing not to cry. Of course you were right about him, it was your job to be right about your appraisal of people. Lucifer simply was not emotionally capable of even fathoming the depth of your feelings, let alone reciprocating them. It was a cruel situation. 

"So sorry to break it to you but I don't want that." You answered when you finished laughing, "besides you require far too much attention. You'd be awful at that. If I wanted a friend with benefits I'd text Mazikeen she's better at compartmentalizing. Nice try though."

"I don't understand," he frowned. Of course he didn't understand, he could only comprehend desire for himself in terms of lust. If someone wanted something _unmentionable_ from him it had to be sex, that's all anyone ever wanted. You felt sad for him all of a sudden, then thought better of it. Perhaps he preferred it that way. 

"Lucifer, if I wanted sex from you I mean really wanted it I would have asked for it by now. Believe it or not I can like you and care about you without ever having sex with you. It's not your only selling point you know. "

"But you've said that you'd want to."

"I was teasing Lucifer. I didn't expect you to hang on to that. Sounds to me like you want to have sex with me _very badly._ And I don't blame you. If were you I'd want to get my hands on all this as well," you teased because you knew teasing him always confused him, he could never tell if you were sincere or not. He glanced at you then back at the road his face more hopelessly confused than before. By the time you got to the precinct he was no longer questioning your desires. Did this count as gaslighting? Yes. Yes it did and if you stopped long enough to think about it you'd feel bad, but you didn't. You went straight to the lab with Ella to avoid Lucifer. 

"Oh I'm so glad you're here," Ella chirped when you walked in.

"What do you need?"

"Nothing, I'm just so glad you're here. "

"Aw, thanks babe," you cooed going over to hug her. If there was one thing you could always count on it was your friendship with Ella,"I need that girl's night ASAP. It's like imperative at this point. I think I'll lose my mind."

"What's going on?" She asked, eyes wide and worried. You could trust Ella with this, you'd trusted her with more pressing things.

"I've caught…. Feelings," you pretended to gag on the word for the sake of humor. 

Her eyes widened and she looked out of the windows to see Lucifer looking in, "It's Lucifer isn't it?" She spoke in a low voice.

"Yes! I'm an idiot! A full blown idiot! There's only one way this ends and that's in flames but damn it all I think I love him."

"Oh no…" she frowned, "okay, but I kind of ship it."

"Are you serious right now? To say that man has a different girl for every day of the week would be an understatement. "

"Alright, but you were on that little two week vacation, he stood up to your family, the two of you were around each other all the time, it was bound to happen. I think being back in L.A. will probably remind you why you never pursued him to begin with."

"I didn't realize I loved him until after we touched down," you hissed stomping your feet dramatically, "I look at him and I get soft, Ella. I wanna do soft things, like make him breakfast and rub his shoulders. I'm feeling things for a… _man_ ," you choked out the last words. 

"Oh, yeah you do need a girl's night."

"All girls no guys, I wanna get so shitfaced I don't even remember my name."

"Yeah girls night!"

"Girl's night?" Chloe asked as she walked in. Ella's eyes went wide. 

"Yeah!" You answered as you whirled around. Thankfully, it was only Chloe in the room, "You down?" You asked because you knew Chloe didn't get genuine girl's night invitations often.

"When?"

"Tonight. Definitely tonight. I'm gonna lose my mind if I have to be sober," you answered thinking of the fact that Lucifer was probably going to come to your house to sleep with you if you weren't already out. 

"Oh sure! Yeah that sounds like fun!" She smiled and it lit up her whole face. As she said that though, the door opened.

"Fun? I'm due for some fun," Lucifer spoke as he entered. 

"Well that's too bad this is girl-talk no boys allowed."

Lucifer's jaw dropped obviously scandalized by being left out. He looked at Chloe obviously hoping that she would tell him. She just shook her head. 

"Rules are rules, Lucifer. Now, Ella, anything new on the case?"

"We're still waiting on the M.E.'s report however I followed up on the camera thing with the crew still in the house and while there weren't any cameras in the house anymore the network showed several previously paired camera devices."

"Any way you can trace that back to the landlord?"

"I passed it over to the techy people that's a little above me. They should contact you soon."

"Well, Lucifer, looks like we have a landlord to talk to. I've already got a name and address. Y/N, are you coming?"

"No, I'm gonna stay here with Ell-Bell. Give her a helping hand."

"Alright. See you two."

Shortly after leaving you two in the lab Lucifer demanded to know what that was about. 

"Just a girl's night. It's nice to be invited to one you didn't bribe someone to take me on." Chloe spoke sourly.

"Oh! That sounds splendid, why don't you invite Dr. Martin."

"You think she would want to go?"

"She'd be offended if you didn't invite her; the two of you are friends, no?"

Chloe nodded thinking that over. Maybe she should invite Linda after asking if you were okay with her bringing a friend. 


	8. Chapter 8

Chloe, bless her heart, did not know how to let loose and have fun. This was obvious from the fact that she volunteered to be the designated driver. You fought with her for a little about it, but she seemed genuinely happy to just be in the girls group and she said she wanted to have a clear mind just in case a lead for the case came about. You stopped fighting her after that and finished doing your makeup while she ate the pre-game snacks on the counter. You were all waiting for Chloe’s friend and Ella to arrive. Apparently, Ella and Mazikeen knew her as well, so you didn’t really have a problem with her coming along. It was girl’s night the more the merrier. Mazikeen was in your closet choosing something for you to wear, an honor given to her the moment she stepped in, because under all of your teasing with Mazikeen you really were weak for that woman. 

“The landlord is on the run, we’ve got an APB out on him, so it’s just a waiting game now. They traced the cameras back to him so we’ve got a warrant for his arrest.” 

“You think he did it?” you asked. 

“Well, he’s definitely guilty of invasion of privacy. I won’t know about murder until the interrogation. We’re waiting on a search warrant for his house to go through, maybe we can get proof that the murder weapon was his.” 

"I just... I dunno, he's definitely got means and I guess a little motive if Rachel was already on his ass about the cameras... but then why leave the body right where it could be found." 

Chloe nodded, "It's a fair question. I'm still skeptical of the boyfriend. Lucifer thinks I'm just judging him because he's a playboy, but he still doesn't have an alibi and while we don't have an exact day right now, he was the person with the most access to the victim. I don't really know what his motive would be. I mean he seems like the usual rich L.A. snob, Rachel was probably one of many girls he was juggling." 

You shrugged, "I'm sure you'll figure it out. Maybe Lucifer's so defensive of Robert because he sees himself in him. A rich, handsome man who just wants a no strings attached thing with a beautiful girl. He figures _he_ wouldn't kill one of his lady friends so why would Robert."

"You're probably right, but I just hate when he makes a case about himself, it's just...not helpful." 

Mazikeen came out of the bedroom holding up a little black dress that was actually just lingerie. Her impish smile let you know that she knew it was lingerie and didn’t care in the slightest. 

“Oh my goodness, no. Maze come on.” You complained. 

“Oh yes, put it on. It will make  _ someone  _ realize what they’re missing out on,” Maze grinned. She was onto you. Of course she was on to you. She knew what was going on in the beginning. Maze had a near uncanny ability to read people, she probably knew you were hot for the devil before you did. You’d have to ask her what gave it away. What moment told her all she needed to know about you, so you could be aware to never have another moment like that again. 

“The amount of boob tape I need for this dress though,” you complained, knowing that you were going to go through the effort. You took the dress and walked dutifully towards your bedroom. Maze smacked your ass as you passed, going over to take one of the shots on the counter for pregaming. Once they were alone Chloe leaned in towards Mazikeen.

“Alright, I know she lied to me when I asked who she’s hung up over. So who is it really?” 

“Some detective you are,” Maze scoffed, “It’s kind of obvious.” 

“You’re seriously not going to tell me?” Chloe complained but in the middle of her talking the doorbell rang. 

“Come in!” both Chloe and Mazikeen yelled. Ella followed by Linda walked into your house. Linda would be lying if she said she wasn't curious about the mystery woman she'd learned so much about during her sessions with Lucifer. When Chloe invited her to Girls' Night to help cheer you up she all but leaped at the opportunity. Maybe knowing you would help her help Lucifer. The way Lucifer described you, made you seem like a woman whose only flaw was being too amazing. His biggest complaint was your grip on self-discipline and that wasn't even a flaw it was just keeping Lucifer from short term gratification. The way he talked about you made you seem like the kind of woman people spun fairy tales around. She hoped that maybe she could also confirm her suspicions about how you felt about Lucifer. It seemed fairly obvious. You cared too much to have sex with him... which loosely meant you had feelings for him that you were afraid to exacerbate by sleeping with him.   


“Ella, will you tell me what started this girl’s night?” Chloe asked as the two women joined her in the kitchen.   


Ella’s eyes went wide and she gave a nervous smile, “Run of the mill boy problems that’s all.” 

“Boy? See? I knew she was lying. Y/N said it was a girl back home.” 

“Damn it,” Ella cursed, “Look, I’m not allowed to say. I promised that I wouldn’t. Can you just enjoy the girl’s night?” 

“I can’t believe you don’t know. No one even had to tell me,” Mazikeen boasted. 

"Do we really need a reason for a girls' night?" Linda asked, trying to diffuse the situation. She could imagine why you wouldn't tell Chloe. She and Lucifer were close, and if you told her then there was a chance Lucifer might find out. If Chloe was invited to this thing then chances were you weren't intimidated by their closeness. Linda raised the bottle of vodka she brought to get them started off strong. Despite her curiosities this was still an opportunity to wind down from a stressful work week and with Lucifer in the middle of some very complicated emotions it _was_ a hard work week. "Come on are we going to get shit faced or not?"   


“Yes! You humans are so clever you know? Why didn’t I ever think of pregaming?” Maze mused as you were coming out of the bedroom. 

“You have to stop drinking at some point in order to pregame, that’s why you’ve never heard of it.” You spoke holding the dress to your body. It had spaghetti straps but without the back being tied it was a bit loose and could fall at any moment. 

The moment you walked into the front room, Linda gasped. It all made sense. She understood why Lucifer couldn’t stop talking about you. You were gorgeous, like ridiculously pretty, not L.A. pretty something else, something far more wholesome and glowing. This had to be beauty passed down for generations, or rather divinely gifted by God. She understood why Lucifer thought you had to be someone his father sent because if she didn’t already know that all angels were related and it was impossible for you to be an angel Lucifer didn’t know, she would have sworn you were a warrior of heaven. You smiled as you took notice of her and held your hand out for her to take. Your smile was the single most welcoming expression she ever saw. It was like the moment you regarded her she felt completely at home and at peace.   


“You must be Linda. Hi, I’m Y/N. So glad you could come. I wish you got to meet me before I needed the girl’s night. I promise I’m not this… all over the place.” You joked and Linda found herself laughing. There was something about you that made her feel immediately accepted. It was probably your humility, how you could come into the room, be unbelievably gorgeous, and then make a little self-effacing joke.  


“It’s fine. Really. I’m a psychologist. I deal with crazy on a regular basis.”

“Oh my gosh, I’m a psychologist too. Criminal psychologist but I did a lot of training in a clinical setting,” you lit up, eager to talk about your career with someone in a very similar field.

Linda gave a little sigh of relief, maybe you were well aware that Lucifer was an emotional mess hidden behind charisma, a pretty face, and designer clothes. “That’s amazing. It’s so hard to find other professionals here, and I-”

“Hey!”Maze yelled, “Stop talking about your nerdy shit and slam these shots.” She gave the two of you shots and you shrugged at Linda before clinking your shot glass with hers and throwing the alcohol back.

“Oh! Oh Jesus that burns, fuck!” you complained jogging in place for a moment while Linda grimaced and shook her head, “Tie me up, someone please,” you asked. Ella came up behind you and started tying a secure knot in the satin ribbons tasked with keeping your dress on your body. 

"We should exchange numbers, maybe grab a cup of coffee some time, " you offered Linda while Ella tied up your dress. 

"I would love that. I can't believe this like.. a guy trouble thing. I mean you seem... perfect." 

"Oh yeah, I am I just fall in love with absolute morons. Yeah, God had to keep me humble somehow so I'm exclusively attracted to people who are going to cause me pain," you answered in a sardonic voice, earning a rueful laugh from Linda. Little did you know the joke was only so funny to Linda because she knew just how true your statement was. You were in love with the most ridiculous individual she ever had the pleasure of knowing.   


"All done," Ella informed you as she tugged the ribbon once more for good measure. 

"Thanks, babe. Just let me go get on my shoes and I'll be good to go. Help yourself to snacks and booze, Linda." You gave her one more parting smile before leaving the kitchen to go to the bedroom. 

Linda immediately leaned in to whisper to the girls, "No one told me she was that beautiful. I thought she was supposed to be sad, and that's why we were doing Girls' Night. How do you glow like that and be sad?"    


"She can't help being radiant. It's a byproduct of being God's favorite," Ella responded. 

"I don't know about God, but she's definitely Lucifer's. You know she's all he talks about lately. I almost wish they'd just bone already," Maze said

“Lucifer’s like that with every beautiful woman, he’s insatiable,” Chloe rolled her eyes, “And Y/N deserves better than someone who just wants to sleep with her."  


"Are you sure that's all Lucifer wants?" Linda looked up at Chloe hoping the woman would say that Lucifer was giving even indication to you or anyone that he wanted more than sex. Chloe and Maze made noncomittal sounds scrunching up their faces. They definitely seemed to think that was all Lucifer wanted. 

"No, you guys, he worries over her. They're like actually friends that's why this is so sad, because they both care about each other a lot and if they could just see it then we wouldn't be here." 

" Alright, they're close and he probably does genuinely like her as a friend but... we're talking about like romance. Lucifer isn't a relationship kind of guy and... oh my God this is about Lucifer," Chloe gasped. 

Maze rolled her eyes, "Of course it is. Are you really even a detective?" 

"Okay, how was I supposed to know, she lied to me about it. And I didn't think-" Chloe stopped talking as you walked back in the room. You stopped in the doorway of the kitchen when they all abruptly stopped talking and looked at you wide eyed. 

"Uh... do I have something on my face?" you asked nervously. 

"No! No, you look amazing. Come on, let's take another shot," Ella gushed successfully distracting you from their previous weirdness. Maze grabbed the nearest bottle while Linda lined up the shot glasses. Maze poured the drinks, one after another in a neat little line. You each took one, and you raised your shot glassed as if to make a toast. Everyone did the same, including Chloe who raised her glass of water. 

"To a new friend and the same old problems. May none of we never ever catch feelings." You toasted, touching the glasses together before tossing back the alcohol. It was cupcake vodka and frankly and affront to cupcakes. It tasted like alcohol that was distilled while somebody made a batch of cupcakes beside it. There was just an aroma of cake that lingered while the alcohol burned through your throat and chest. The rest of the women grimaced and hastily found a chaser. This was going to be a good night. You were going to be a good night. This was your time to have fun with your friends. 

The five of you packed into Chloe’s car, Maze called shotgun. It was easy to fall into banter with these women. You and Linda clicked immediately, joking nonstop in the backseat. The two of you were already giggly messes by the time you all got to the first club. Ella hooked her arm with yours and led you straight to the dance floor. Ella was an essential friend, not only because she was the sweetest person you'd ever met but because she like to dance, regardless of whether or not she was drunk. She liked having fun and not just standing around and looking cool. She was ready with dance moves that were both sexy and goofy. It never failed to make you smile when you danced with her. While you were at the first place sometimes Maze joined in to dance with you, other times Linda was a part of the group. You even managed to drag Chloe onto the dance floor for a little bit.

When you seemed too wrapped up in dancing to notice, Chloe and Linda found a table to claim for your little group. Chloe sat back with a tired sigh. She had no idea how people stayed on the dance floor all night, It was hot as hell in the club and she felt like she was gasping for air. Linda sat down right beside her and spoke in her ear.   


"Y/N is really sweet," Linda observed watching as you seemed to be making friends with some random ladies on the dance floor. Your aura seemed to be infectious, drawing people in and making them want to know you. 

“Yeah, she is, which is why it makes me sad to think she’s so upset. She’s such a kind person, you know, not nice but genuinely kind to the core.”

“Sometimes it really is the kindest people who’ve been through the most.” 

Chloe looked down at Linda curiously, “Is Lucifer really just interested in her for the sex?” 

"I'm not at liberty to say, but what I thought that's what you thought?"  


Chloe frowned trying to think of the best way to put what she thought, "I think all he's capable of giving her is sex. I don't know what he really wants, I never know. I do know that she obviously wants more. Otherwise we wouldn't be here." 

Linda nodded, that was the real problem wasn't it. She wasn't even sure if Lucifer was capable of more than shallow feelings at the moment. It wasn't even a dig at his personality, he was kind in his own way but he'd never shown a capacity to tap into his own more complex emotions. It wasn't so much that he didn't feel them, it's that he couldn't identify them. He might very well be head over heels for you, but would _he_ know that was the emotion he was feeling. It was easier for him to assume that the feelings he had for you were linked to nothing more than lust. What a mess, Linda thought to herself. 

Either way, you seemed to be having fun as you moved on the dancefloor, that is, until some guy grabbed you by the top of your arm and pulled you over to him. You shoved him away from you. You turned to see who the hell was touching you and it was just some nondescript guy. He looked drunk and seemed to be trying to talk to you. You shook your head and yelled "No thanks." It didn't matter what he was saying, you didn't want anything he had to offer. He put his arm around your waist trying to pull you closer to him. Ella yelled at him, though you couldn't make out her words. She was taking his arms from around you while you pushed him away from you. Your combined strength made him lose his footing and fall down. Ella pulled you closer to her and now you could hear that she was cursing him out. The guy stood back up, his face visibly pissed. You started pulling Ella back unsure of what the hell this guy was going to do. He stood and grabbed you again but then there was a fist connecting with his face sending him stumbling into the crowd.  


Chloe and Linda turned to see Maze launch herself at a man that was a whole head taller than her. Chloe gave a little exasperated sigh, she hurried over to the dance floor. It seemed like it was time for a venue change. The music was still deafening, but now there was the added noise of people yelling. Some people seemed to be cheering the fight on, while others were just yelling in general. Chloe grabbed you and Ella and began hauling you towards the club exit. 

"What about Maze?!" Ella yelled.

"Trust me, she's fine!" Linda reassured Ella as she joined the group again. Chloe successfully managed to get you all out of the club. She wasn't sure what to do now, because she wasn't going to leave Maze, but she also couldn't leave you three outside. 

“This is great,” you laughed in your airy little voice as you staggered just a bit on the uneven ground outside, “This is awesome, I love this. I haven’t had this much fun since me and Luc went out.” 

“You and Lucifer went out?” Chloe asked. 

“Yeah, to the club. But he didn’t fight anyone, not like Maze.” you giggled, "It was so much fun you guys? If you haven't partied with Lucifer, you haven't partied. ”   


Ella hooked her arm around yours pulling you close to her side mostly to keep you from wandering too far. She wound up calling your attention to her. “I love you so much,” you cooed, “You are my best friend, and you mean so much to me.” 

“You’re  _ my  _ best friend, and you mean so much to  _ me!”  _ she expressed. Ella was just a drunk as you, the two of you were going shot for shot, on the quick road to being black out. Chloe gave a quiet laugh as you started drunkenly telling everyone how much you loved them. Maze walked out of the club with a huge smile and blood on her shirt not so long after you finished your little speech.   


“Next club!” she yelled, heading towards the car.

Honestly the different clubs were all a blur. There was just an endless collage of drinking and dancing. You were pretty sure at some point you kissed Mazikeen, and Ella might have taken a shot from between your boobs. Either way Chloe was there being sure no one got too drunk, or lost, and honestly she was actually having fun. It was usually a bit annoying to look after drunk people but you weren’t a particularly belligerent or flighty drunk. You stayed on the dance floor, or you sat at the bar with her content to talk about silly things until a song that you liked came on. You came to sit beside Chloe at the bar and she smiled a little as you rested your head on her shoulder. 

“I think you are the sweetest woman, you know that? If you liked women I would marry you,” you crooned to her. 

“Thank you, sweetheart. Come here, have some water.” 

You took the glass of water and started drinking it, “You have the patience of a saint too. It’s gotta be a superpower. I mean you deal with Lucifer almost everyday. I don’t know how you do it.” 

“He’s not all bad,” Chloe chuckled, “He just likes getting under your skin for some reason.” 

“I know he’s not bad… trust me I really do. It might be easier if he were more of an asshole. I could hate him you know?”

“I know exactly what you mean,” she laughed, “Instead, you’re left… kinda liking him despite how ridiculous he is.” 

“Yeah,” you agreed, nodding a little. Chloe noticed that suddenly you looked like you might cry. She was not well equipped to deal with an emotional outburst and she wasn’t entirely sure what brought it on. 

“My dad doesn’t love me, you know? He said he’d rather have me dead,” you cried. 

“Oh, no! Honey, no!” Chloe cooed frantically trying to figure out how to make the tears stop. Much to her relief Ella came over with a big goofy smile on her face. 

“Y/N!” she yelled, “They’re playing our song!” 

You paused in your tears,giving a little sniff as you listened to the song. You smiled and followed Ella to the dancefloor, all of your worries long forgotten. At some point, you suspected that Chloe stopped giving you alcohol entirely and was instead giving you water in shot glasses because you were sobering up. Once you could finally see straight again you noticed that you were dancing amidst a lot of grinding bodies. You turned to see Mazikeen behind you. You leaned in to speak in her ear. 

“I need booze! I think Chloe’s been giving me water.” 

“She has. I was wondering how long before you noticed. Here,” She gave you her cup and you drank it and had to cover your mouth to keep from throwing up. 

“What the fuck was that?!”

“Something that’s gonna knock you on your ass,” she smiled. It did not take long for Maze’s drink to take effect. You were back to dancing without a care in the world. 

“Where are we?” you asked Maze as you danced with her. 

“You don’t recognize the place?” 

You looked around and decided the club was familiar, it took you to see the piano on the far side of the room for you to put two and two together. You were in Lux which meant that Lucifer was not far away, and you were incredibly drunk and prone to saying any amount of wild things. 

“Whose idea was that?”

“Mine! You complained about everywhere else. Seems to me like you wanted to be here. Now finish your drink.” 

The next thing you were aware of you were sitting in a booth with Linda just talking, you tuned into your own words as if you weren’t the one saying them, “And I love him, you know? I really do, but when you love someone you don’t ask them to change for you, you meet them where they are, and I can’t meet him where he is because that’s not me. And my father, he taught me that love should bend the way you want it, but people break when you do that. You break people that way, and he’s already so broken, in ways I don’t think he sees, I just wanna hold him.” 

Linda nodded thoughtfully listening to your confession with glassy eyes.

“And I can’t do that because I’m broken too. Like my dad just ruined me and I find it so hard to be soft, and I wanna be soft.” 

“The first step to healing is addressing the maladaptive patterns in your life and then creating a plan to counteract them,” Linda spoke to you in a slightly slurred voice while you soaked up the information to the best of your ability. 

Linda continued, "Do you think that maybe you're not just scared that Lucifer can't love you, but that you might not be able to love him. You said that you didn't think you could meet him half way."

"I- Wow, you are good!" you laughed, "I'm a fucking mess emotionally. Maybe that's why I like him so much. We match!"

Next you were on the dance floor again, this time dancing with Ella. You were pressed tightly against bodies dancing sensually with you. Ella was your faithful cheerleader, cheering you on as you shook your ass to the beat of whatever song was playing. 

Chloe and Mazikeen were sitting at the bar, Chloe watching you fondly, “She’s gonna be so hungover tomorrow.” 

“Oh yeah. It’s gonna be awesome,” Maze laughed.   


"How does she even move her ass like that?" Chloe snorted.   


"Nice to see you, Detective. How's girls' night going?" Lucifer asked. He'd only just decided to join the party in Lux. For whatever reason, he just didn't really feel like partying. He didn't intend to really know what made him come down now, but it was a pleasant surprise to see Chloe sitting at the bar. 

Chloe gave a little laugh at his question, "We had to leave the first club because Maze got into a fight. Y/N said that the music sucked in the second place, we actually got kicked out of the third place... long story, and now we're here." 

"Well, where's the lady of the hour?" Lucifer asked turning around to scan the crowd for you. Chloe looked back to the place where you just were only she didn't see you, Ella, or Linda. She looked around now, a bit more frantically now, worried that something had happened to the tree of you. 

"There she is!" Maze yelled, pointing to one of the tables. Sure enough you were there dancing on one of the tables. Just as they found you, a spotlight fell on you. Chloe threw an incredulous glare up at the source of the light. She also realized that's where the DJ'S booth was. The music changed to something way more sexy sounding and your dance moves changed accordingly. 

"Oh my," Lucifer breathed watching as you shook your hips. The dress you were wearing was scandalously short the wide slits on the sides were held closed with chains that glimmered in the spotlight. There was a generous crowd of people around the table watching you.

"She's going to break her neck," Chloe groaned getting off of the barstool, "Maze will you-" Chloe stopped midsentence when she realized that Maze was no longer beside her. 

Lucifer was feeling an... unnameable emotion but it wasn't entirely unfamiliar. He'd felt it once before when the two of you went out after the company Christmas Party. You were dancing against him, winding your hips in those same slow hypnotic circles and he felt like... like... well he wanted to devour you body and soul. It was such an oddly intense emotion, something possessive and wanting. He never felt that way. When he saw people who struck his fancy it was never so intense. He wanted them. He wanted to have sex with them, but he never wanted them so much that they couldn't be with anyone else. He wasn't possessive. Seeing you up there, with everyone privy to the ways you could move... unsettled him. He wasn't sure why. You were having fun, the crowd was having fun. It was good for you and good for business. 

"I'll get her," Lucifer assured turning briefly to look at Chloe. 

"Thank you, she's- What the hell is Maze doing?!" 

You took Maze's hands as she got up on the table with you. You weren't so drunk that you couldn't keep your balance. In fact you were doing quite well for yourself, and this was one of the bigger tables as well. Maze put her hands on your hips guiding you to move your hips with hers. One thing about Maze that you could appreciate was the fact that she knew how to receive ass when you wanted to throw it. 

“Look at you, princess,” she purred in your ear, “Someone’s having fun.”   


“Don’t talk, dance with me, Maze,” you laughed moving your body with the bass that rattled through your chest. You put your hands on your knees and really put your all into shaking your ass. The alcohol made it easy to ignore how your thighs were burning, and you were just glad you decided to put on little shorts under your dress. These people were going to get a show, but not that kind of show.   


Lucifer made his way through the crowd easily, people made way for him. It was in their best interest because he was on a war path. Maze knew you were drunk and instead of getting you off the table she was encouraging your bad behavior. When you sobered up you were going to be mortified. He didn't like the way she had her hands on you, the way she grasped your hips or how one of her hands was crawling up the front of your body, coaxing you to stand up straight and press your body flush with hers. Maze made eye contact with him while she put her hand around your throat and kissed your neck.  


“Maze don’t start something we can’t finish,”You yelled tilting your head back to speak in her ear so she could hear you

"Get down from there!" Lucifer yelled up at the two of you, the music made the yelling a necessity, but he was pretty sure he would have yelled either way. You looked down having hear the sound of his voice but not his words. 

Lucifer was routed in place watching you walk towards the edge of the table to him. He had the most spectacular view of your legs. It completely escaped him that he was just cross with you as you slowly bent down to be eye to eye with him. 

"What did you say?" you asked in that oh so sweet voice of yours. 

"Get down, darling, you'll hurt yourself," he answered.

"Well, I guess you're the boss," you sighed, "Help me down, I'm drunk."

You put a hand on his shoulder to brace you. He gripped your hips and picked you up, only to set you carefully on the floor. You still staggered just a bit.

"What were you thinking? You nearly gave the Detective a heart attack. You could have gotten hurt."

You rolled your eyes, and pushed him away from you by his chest, "I thought you liked girls who danced on tables. What didn't enjoy the show?" You went to walk away from him, you weren't sure where you were going but you didn't get far because he was holding your hand.

"What is the matter with you?"

"Nothing, let me go!"

"Stop it," he bent just a bit to look you in the eyes. He didn't even sound angry at you anymore, and it was hard to stay rude with him when he wasn't feeding into your venom. It just mad you pout because you wanted to be angry with him. It was easier to be angry at him because if you weren't angry at him then you were just sad.

“Go away, I'm mad at you!" You pouted trying to hold on to the last few dying embers of anger.  


“Would you like to go someplace a little quieter to tell me what about?”

“You're not gonna listen! You never do!"  


"Come on," he began leading you up towards his private booth, where he could hear you better because obviously you were upset. You let him lead you through the crowd of people. It was probably just the alcohol but there was something hot about the hold he had on your wrist and how frustrated he seemed you with you. Despite that obvious frustration he wasn't rough with you. He kept looking back every time there was a stair for you to take. He kept you close behind him, keeping people from bumping into you. The bouncer in front of the VIP section moved out of the way immediately upon seeing Lucifer. One of the girls who worked at the club passed him a drink and he took it almost reflexively. He moved into a little alcove with a couch and table and pulled you in front of him to sit down first.

“Now what is the matter with you?” Lucifer demanded as he sat down beside you.  You sniffed and purposefully looked away from him, crossing your arms in front of your chest. You couldn't argue with him right now. You were drunk and a little hot and bothered by his gentle man handling and the firm way he spoke to you. As if he wanted to make things harder he took your face in his hand and made you look at him.   


“Now you're silent. I can finally hear you and you’re silent. Darling, speak to me."  


“It doesn’t matter if you can hear me because you never listen! You never listen to me. You just hear what you want to hear!”

“What does that mean?”

“ _ You  _ decided what I wanted most was to have sex with you! I never said that! And every time you say it, it hurts my feelings! You’re breaking my heart, Lucifer!”

He looked at you confusedly and you took his glass from his hand before drinking the bourbon inside. You made the same disgusted little face you always made, your nose wrinkling against the burn of the alcohol as you held it in your mouth before drinking. 

“I mean yes... I want to have sex with you. Of course I do! Look at you!” you gestured to him, "But what I want more is to mean something to you. Are you just nice to me because you think I might give in eventually? You know me better than anyone else, and I don't wanna lose that. I don't want to lose you. What we have is too important to me to mess up! And I'm drunk and I didn't wanna have this conversation drunk," You set the glass down and put your head in your hands because you were dangerously close to crying. That was the last thing you wanted to do at moment like this. 

Lucifer pulled your hands away from your face, "Do you really think so little of me, darling?" His eyes were wide and unbelievably sad. 

"It's not your fault. I shouldn't care so much. If I didn't care so much then you couldn't hurt me. I can't... I can't let you hurt me." you mumbled. 

"I don't understand what that means. Why would I ever hurt you? You're... well I suppose you're my best friend." 

That hurt. You weren't sure why that hurt so badly. You knew that's what he thought of you, "I know, I know. I really wish I didn't feel this way about you."   


"If it's any consolation... I feel the same way," he offered. 

"You do?"

"Of course I do. You are a beautiful woman-"

"Oh this again! I get it I'm hot! You want to fuck me! For fuck's sake Lucifer!" you yelled at him, scrambling to get off the couch but Lucifer grabbed your arm yet again keeping you right in place. 

"That's not what I was going to say. I was saying, you're a beautiful woman, who is immensely important to me. You must know that I care for you as well. I thought it was obvious." 

You shook your head, "I thought you just kept me around because I'm cute." 

"You're not nearly cute enough to justify all the trouble you put me through," he teased, smiling now, "I like you quite a bit... more than I think even I knew before this very moment." He admitted that last part and it looked as if it was an honest surprise to him that he was saying what he was saying. 

You stared up at him, happy that he said what he said, but you knew he still didn't understand. He didn't understand because you wouldn't just say the words. You should just say the words. "Lucifer, I'm in-"

“Officers just caught the landlord trying to flee the state!” Chloe spoke grabbing both of your attention, “We need to go interview them.” Lucifer stood up, his mind now focused on the case. You stood up too, unsure of what to do with yourself.  


“She is in no condition to interview anyone,” he pointed to you where you were holding onto the edge of the couch for support. All of the the liquor was really hitting now that you were no longer dancing and moving around.   


“Neither is anyone else in the group.” 

Maze tapped Chloe shoulder, “I’ll round ‘em up.” 

“Mazikeen, Y/N is off-limits,” Lucifer said seriously, leveling her with a glare. 

“She’s drunk anyway, Lucifer,” Maze rolled her eyes, taking you from Chloe, “I’m gonna put ‘em all in your room.” 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is smut at the end of this chapter, FYI. So you know, proceed with that in mind.

Chloe looked over the Medical Examiner's report for the case they were working on. It was hard to believe that it was so late at night with the way that precinct was running. It seemed like a busy night and there were a lot of people milling about. She and Lucifer were also waiting for a chance to speak with the victim's landlord. There was another detective who had been looking into some of his properties that got their first and wanted a chance to question him about some things. Usually homicide would have been put on first but it took them some time to get the precinct, considering Lucifer insisted upon seeing you up to the penthouse, and also giving Maze a long winded lecture about how you needed to get food, water, and maybe some ibuprofen in you before you went to bed. She also had the pleasure of hearing you sass at him for treating you like a child. If Chloe was being honest with herself, she thought the two of you could be cute. She always thought the two of you were fun to watch on a case together because you were so professional all the time, but when he was around he could always get you in on a few immature jokes. Lucifer has that quality about him. He could bring out the fun parts of people, and that was the case for you ten fold. When she finally got Lucifer to leave the penthouse though, he was uncharacteristically quiet.Even now, as she sat at her desk learning new details about the manner of Rachel Montgomery's death she was aware that Lucifer was preternaturally quiet. 

She decided to sneak a glance at him. He was staring unseeingly straight ahead, his arms crossed, a contemplative hand stroking his facial hair so slowly he wasn't likely to be aware that he was even doing it. Everything about him screamed that he was deep in thought, which was a rare sight to see. Chloe didn't know that Lucifer thought about anything so deeply.

"What's the matter, Lucifer?" she asked putting her eyes back on the paper in front of her so that her question wouldn't seem so intense.

He blinked coming out of whatever thought was occupying his mind, "Nothing you should worry about."

"So not nothing, just something you think I shouldn't worry about. We've got time," Chloe assured.

"What provoked a ladies night?" Lucifer asked instead of answering her previous question.

"Y/N wanted to go out." Chloe answered simply.

Lucifer sat up a bit in the chair, "But why? I know her to prefer staying home. Don't get me wrong, she does go out but it's usually with me."

"Every girl needs girl time."

"Sure, but the last time you needed a girls' night you were going through a divorce."

"I didn't _need_ a girls' night. You made a bet with Maze and I wound up on one."

"Don't argue semantics with me, Detective. Was I the root of Y/N's girls' night."

"I doubt it," Chloe lied, "She started crying about her father halfway through the night."

"Her father?"

"Yeah, apparently he wished her dead. Point is, she has a life outside of you."

"Trust me I am more than motivated to believe I am not the problem but something she said is bothering me, because it's utterly preposterous. I know I'm hardly paragon of affection, but I'm hardly heartless. It's obvious that I care about her, I consider her a good friend. Honestly, I'm offended. She asked if I was only tolerating her presence so that we might sleep together." 

"Men do that all the time. It's not a crazy question."

"Alright, but _I_ wouldn't do that. Frankly, I thought she knew me better than that. I don't have to manipulate my way into anyone's bed, thank you very much. Is it just because I happen to enjoy indulging in many sexual partners."

"Well, that's why _I_ would think you just wanted sex but-"

"That's preposterous! We're friends! Just because I enjoy a healthy amount of sex-"

"I don't know if I'd call it healthy."

"It doesn't mean that I'm incapable of forming a meaningful friendship with someone, and she should know that!"

Chloe took a deep breath, "Look, I don't know what she's thinking, but I know that she really values your friendship... a lot and I can tell that you care about her so maybe let her know."

The detective who was talking to the landlord came out of the interrogation room visibly frustrated. Chloe looked up at the man as he approached her desk.

"Good luck with that asshole," he bid gesturing over his shoulder at the room.

"Thanks," Chloe gathered her stuff and hurried into the room. Lucifer followed after her, making something of an effort to mentally check-in to the case at hand, but honestly he wasn't listening. He wasn't sure why it bothered him so much the you believed he didn't care. It was an obvious affront to a lot of his efforts, but you were also drunk and he knew at the end of a long night you could get inexplicably weepy. You were also coming off of an awful "vacation" so it's entirely possible that you were just upset from the way you were being treated and displacing your sadness. There's no way you could actually think he didn't care, when he spent so much time into understanding so many of your little quirks. In a lot of ways, Lucifer thought, he knew you better than he knew himself. Or maybe he knew you because he knew himself. It became extremely obvious that the two of you were quite similar just from watching you deal with your parents. You were a bit of a fallen angel. You did everything your father asked, you were on the road to inheriting everything he ever wanted you to have and then you slipped up. It wasn't so much as a slip as it was a deviation from who you were perceived to be. You fell from his good graces because it was in your very nature to do so. He understood that it could be nearly impossible to accept that someone else cared about you when knowing that in the eyes of the person who made you, you were a failure. He knew that feeling... so he felt that you should know that beyond a shadow of a doubt he cared about you. He cared about you in ways only now revealing themselves.

Chloe was already deep into the interrogation by this point and Lucifer struggled to be present in the moment. He peered over at Chloe's notes and saw the landlord's name in her neat handwriting: Lawrence Johnston. Lucifer reached over and took the folder in front of Chloe, wanting the tangible distraction from his own thoughts. It was a file of the details of the case against Mr. Johnston for the cameras found in his properties.

"If you forget about the cameras, I might be able to get you the footage from the doorbell cam." Mr. Johnston bargained. 

"You have it?" Chloe asked.

"I might." The man shrugged with a wolfish grin. The entire interrogation was full of these predatory expressions. It made Chloe's skin crawl. She wasn't entirely convinced that this man didn't have a hand in Rachel's murder. 

"Robert Graham said you were a family friend."

"Yeah, his father's summer house is right next to mine. I practically watched the kid grow up."

"Were you aware that he and Rachel were in a relationship?"

"Hardly call it a relationship the kid was just getting his dick wet. Way I hear it, Rachel was something special." He chuckled.

"Is that why you put cameras in her home, to watch?" Chloe asked.

"Who says I put cameras in the house?"

"Alright well I'll have a warrant to seize all of your technology come morning so it doesn't matter if you admit to it. What I want to know is, did you know Rachel filed a report about the cameras anyway? And it seems like they have quite a file on you."

Lucifer perked up a bit hearing the file on Mr. Johnston mentioned,"Oh yes, if I had on pearls I'd be clutching them. You know, the tortures the demons in hell come up with for voyeurs are always fascinating, because oddly enough you lot hate being watched." Lucifer spoke.

"Look I didn't know anything about it. And I don't know anything about that girl dying. It's bad for business killing a tenant, now her roommate can't make rent, she's gonna want to break the lease, and it's going to be a bitch to rent that property out now."

"You want us to believe that you didn't do it because it would be too inconvenient?" Chloe asked.

He shrugged, "What do I have to gain from it?"

"Well there's no one taking you to a nasty civil trial for cameras in her home. Says here she found one in the bathroom, that's some serious jail time." Chloe looked at the report that detailed the different cameras found.

"I have great lawyers, it's my property, I'll put whatever I want wherever I want."

"Not when you have tenants. Seems to me like you'd be highly motivated to avoid the lawsuit coming your way."

"I'd also be highly motivated not to draw police attention to the situation, assuming everything you said was true. Why would I kill her when that would make me suspect number 1?"

"Maybe it was an accident. The medical examiner found that Rachel suffered a concussion shortly before her death. Maybe you argued, things got heated and you pushed her. She hit her head you panicked-"

"I'm invoking my right to an attorney. I'm not speaking another word to you without my lawyer."

"One more thing," Lucifer spoke, "Mr. Johnston, what do you desire?"

"I want to know every dirty little secret women like Rachel have. Women pretend to all high and mighty but really they're barely better than cattle."

Chloe's eyes widened just a little, and Lucifer blinked bewildered by that desire. It wasn't what he expected at all. He was thinking giving the current circumstances he might say he wanted the police out of his business, a ticket out of the country, someone else to take the fall for the murder. He did not expect straight up misogyny, but maybe he should have. Is this the kind of man you were comparing him too in order to think he didn't care about you? Were the vast majority of mortal men like this and you just lumped him into the same category? That was somehow more insulting than the idea that you were just disregarding all the things he did with you in mind.

"I want my lawyer," Mr. Johnston blurted out.

"That's fine, I think you've said enough," Chloe assured, closing the manila folder in front of her and taking the one Lucifer was holding away from him. Lucifer followed her out as she made her exit.

He was still just a bit confused, "I'm sorry is that not motive for murder? That man just admitted to hating women. I don't know if you noticed, Detective, but Rachel Montgomery is a woman."

"But he's got nothing to gain from killing her, and everything to lose. I want to dig a little deeper, see if there's anything about Rachel we don't know. It's opening time for the restaurant she worked in. The roommate said she was close with her co-workers, maybe they know something."

* * *

You woke up in soft sheets and groaned miserably as you felt your hangover setting in. You cracked your eyes open squinting against the morning light. The view of the skyline was alarming. Your house definitely didn't have this view. You looked around frantically trying to remember where you were. Then, you recognized the stonework. Your brain was moving a mile a minute as you tried to recall the events of last night. You remembered the first club, parts of the second, you remembered dancing on the table in Lux... yelling at Lucifer... crying.  


"Ugh," you groaned thinking of that argument. You didn't remember everything you said but you did remember how close you came to telling Lucifer you loved him. You'd have to get Chloe a coffee or something for that save. It was bad enough that you had a serious argument with Lucifer while drunk but if you'd admitted to being in love with him too that would have been the end of you. You noticed now, that you didn't have your dress on. You were wearing one of Lucifer's shirts and you'd been sleeping in his bed with Ella who was dead to the world at your side.   


"Why is my life like this?" You whispered crawling out of the bed to find your dress. It wasn't anywhere to be found. You looked under the bed and in the en suite but there was nothing so you ventured out into the front room. The front room was a mess. There were pizza boxes on the sofa and one on the coffee table. Ella's pants were on the floor and Linda was asleep on one of the sofas. You wondered how she wound up in here when you and Ella got in bed. Either way, she appeared to be breathing so you kept looking for your dress. 

* * *

"Rachel was... she was the sweetest girl I ever met, a real spit fire. She'd give anyone a run for their money." The manager at the victim's workplace spoke to Detective Decker and Lucifer.

"Did she have any family?" Chloe asked.

"Yes, but I don't think they talked much. She always said we were the closest thing she had to a real family... She was loved here. It was hard to have a bad day if you were on a shift with her. She was just one of those people who could put a smile on your face no matter what."

"And do you know anything about her relationship with Robert Graham?"

The woman rolled her eyes, "Of course, she met him here. She was taking his table and he left his number. He did it with all the pretty girls who wait the tables but she caught him by leaving his number right there on that table. Playing hard-to-get won him over. Not that he deserved her. Robert has a wandering everything."

"Did Rachel know?"

"Of course she knew, but we can't help who we fall in love with even the playboy type." The woman looked Lucifer up and down before looking at Chloe, "You seem familiar with his kind."

Chloe sighed and nodded, "Rachel's too. So you say she knew he was bad for her, but she loved him anyway."

"Yeah I think Rachel was getting fed up with it, though. She seemed sad... less alive, like this situation was sucking the life out of her. I think she was finally tired of being in a loveless relationship."

"Alright, the man seemed genuinely upset to learn she was dead. I find it hard to believe he didn't care about her." Lucifer brought up.

Chloe gave him a death glare, "Just yesterday you were saying that we couldn't believe him."

"Well that was before we heard from everyone else. Just because he likes to indulge doesn't mean he's incapable of feeling. Desires of the flesh and the heart can be entirely separate."

"That's all good and well but it was hard watching the light leave that girl. Look I'm not saying he killed her,frankly I don't think he cared about her enough. I just know she was plenty broken up over him. He only seemed to care about what Rachel was giving him." the woman spoke. 

"Thank you so much for your time, ma'am." Chloe spoke ending the interview. She led Lucifer out of the restaurant while he complained.

"A healthy indulgence in pleasure hardly makes you uncaring, on the contrary if you're any good at it, it makes quite the conscientious lover out of you."

"What we need to take away from this is that there's not many people who wanted Rachel dead. She wasn't close to her parents and they live in a different state. Her roommate loved her, her boyfriend probably didn't care enough, so that leaves the landlord. We can go see if he's ready to talk.

Lucifer's phone rang and he looked at the contact before answering enthusiastically.

"Hello, darling! How are you?"

"I feel like I got hit by a bus. Luc, why am I in your home?"

"There was a breakthrough in the case and Detective Decker wanted to oversee it so we put you and the other drunkards in the penthouse for safe keeping. "

"Right okay. Well... um damn I guess that means you don't know where my dress is. "

"Unfortunately not. Looks like I missed quite the party."

You gave a heavy sigh, "Yeah seems like it, I don’t remember much. I’ll let you go though, buh bye."

"Good bye."

Chloe began talking as soon as he hung up, "You know the problem with men like Robert is that they see a beautiful woman and they think ‘I gotta have her’. They don't pay attention to what makes her flourish in an environment, they don't take the time to decide whether they're emotionally equipped, they just reach out and grab her and expect everything to work itself out. But we're not ideas, we're not concepts, we're real people who feel things, who have to live with ourselves after certain decisions, who want to mean something to someone, you know?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Of course you don't. I'm saying fine, live the eligible bachelor lifestyle but you have to be honest, you can't make people think you'll change when you have no intention of doing so."

"What gave you the impression that Robert Graham ever said he intended to change? Detective a tragedy has happened but it's hardly one of love. Maybe if you all gave me a chance to talk to Robert we could have understood him better."

"He's delicate, we'll see what we get from the landlord first." Chloe settled, focusing on driving and trying not to hit the man beside her. Of course you needed a girls night. You needed a whole week of girls nights. Falling for Lucifer was as bad as it got, and it's not like you just wanted to have sex with him, no you had genuine feelings, the kind that would make you upset that he only thought of you through the context of sex, it was a tragedy. Chloe was well aware of why you didn’t want to talk about it. You probably felt awful about it, and Lucifer wasn’t doing anything to make her believe that it might all be alright. Sure, you were a grown woman who could take care of yourself but she’d never seen you so emotional. When she hurried up to that booth she was grateful that she stopped you from saying the words she knew were on your lips. She’d heard the tail end of the conversation as she approached and interrupted you just in time to save you from a world of embarrassment this morning. That wasn’t the kind of thing you needed to admit while drunk.

You wound up finding your dress inside of Lucifer's piano. You didn't even want to know how that thing got there. You were paying dearly for your drunken shenanigans now. Your head hurt, you felt incredibly thirsty and unbelievably hungry. Lucifer had a good amount of ingredients for food in his fridge but nothing ready to eat, unless of course you wanted to eat the room temperature pizza that was sitting in boxes all over the floor. Ella and Linda woke up much later and after some moaning and groaning the three of you took an Uber back to your place. You let them borrow some clothes so that they could go out and get a greasy breakfast with you.

"Alright, Ella, what's the damage? How much of an ass did I make of myself?"

"You were good until we got to Lux." Ella reported, " honestly, your argument with Lucifer wasn't even that bad, I don't think you told him anything."

"You definitely didn't. If you told him what you told me last night Lucifer would have got me up to do a session, hangover be damned." Linda assured. 

Your eyes almost bugged out of your head, "Wait, you're Lucifer's therapist?" You hissed.

Linda nodded, "It's a hard job, I should quit but he's just so fascinating"

You put your head in your hands. Of course you admitted your feelings to his therapist. Now she knew how you felt.

"Hey I knew before you told me. I mean I didn't know how sincere and heartfelt it was but I knew you had feelings for him just from the way he described the situation.... Lucifer...doesn't have a clue." She answered delicately.

"You made out with Mazikeen." Ella informed. 

"I do remember that. Hey, do you guys remember how my dress got in the piano?"

Ella and Linda seemed to be suppressing laughter at the memory. You dropped your fork ready for whatever embarrassing thing they were about to say.

"You put on Lucifer's shirt and robe and started pretending to be him," Ella answered, "you took off the dress because it wasn't 'Lucifer' enough."

"It was a really good impression," Linda laughed.

You huffed a heavy sigh, "This is why I don't go out. Now you guys have seen my boobs and I'm still sad."

"They are magnificent boobs, though," Linda complimented. Ella nodded emphatically with her thumbs up. In the end, all you could do was laugh at the circumstance. Despite everything else, you did have fun with the girls, even Chloe was lots of fun in her own way.

"I wish I could say I'm surprised Chloe left us to work on a case."

"About Chloe, " Ella winced, "she knows. No one told her it was kind of obvious once you and Lucifer started arguing."

"Great, does she know about the vacation?"

"No."

"Well at least I managed to keep one secret." 

"You don't remember what you and Lucifer were arguing about?" Ella asked.

"I've got a vague idea, but I don't remember what was said exactly. I get the feeling that he's going to be upset with me though. I think I accused him of not caring about me."

"Do you really believe that?" Linda asked over a sip of her coffee.

You shrugged moving the food on your plate around with your fork while you thought about it, "I think... what I meant was I know he doesn't love me. He cares. I know he cares just not the way I want him too, and that's not his fault, and I feel like an ass for picking a fight because of it."

"You were drunk," Ella reminded, quick to let you off the hook for your mistakes. Linda gave a nearly silent sigh because talking to you was like talking to a less eccentric Lucifer. You were both entirely incapable of seeing what was right in front of you. When breakfast was over you dropped them each off at home and then went home to have a shower and another seven glasses of water. You even managed to sneak in a nap. Unfortunately your nap was cut short by knocking on your door. You hadn't bother to put on real pajamas so you grabbed your robe and tied it up before going to the door. You looked through the peephole to see Chloe and Lucifer on the other side. You opened the door and moved aside to let them.

"Is everything good?"

"Can I get you to come into the precinct with us? I need help with an interrogation. The landlord on the Montgomery case already lawyered up and we brought in Robert for questioning. We need a confession unless we can get the warrant for technology seizure for the landlord."

You took an extra second to process that then nodded slowly, "Yeah I can do that, I'm gonna need to get dressed though."

"Rough night?" Lucifer asked.

You snorted, "Yeah, I woke up in your bed and you were no where to be found. I felt like a bad one night stand."

"I never leave a lover to wake up alone, darling," he called after you as you began to walk back to your bedroom.

"Well I wasn't alone. Ella was there," You chuckled, "But your home is a mess. My apologies."

"This is sweet, but I do need to fill you in on the information we've gathered thus far," Chloe spoke. She proceeded to do as she said while you chose work appropriate clothes to be on your body. She told you about the interview with the landlord and Rachel's coworkers. It seemed like Rachel really was a well loved woman amongst the other women in her life but the men were really pigs. 

"I wanna go in with Lucifer." You responded at the end of her update.

"What why?" 

"He's a rich white man, they'll see eye to eye and find a bit of camaraderie. It's good cop bad cop but neither of us are cops."

"Lucifer _is_ already taking up for him." Chloe considered.

"Because obviously the landlord did it!" Lucifer complained. You rolled your eyes but he couldn't see. Your back was to him as you packed your purse with your wallet phone and keys. You went to the door signalling that you were ready to go. The two of them walked out of your house. 

""There's no evidence supporting that. Even if that was the case we would have to hope he recorded the murder or that he's suddenly going to choose to confess. There's no hard evidence," Chloe reminded him. 

"What's your evidence for Robert?! You just think that because he likes to indulge in sex he's incapable of caring and therefore he might have killed his lover."

"No, I just think he's suspicious. He has the means and he could have had the opportunity. Plus the autopsy report showed that Rachel had a concussion. There's something weird and I just want to talk to him. The landlord's a creep, but he's not a killer. It makes no sense for him to leave the body there." Chloe sighed.

"But Robert's just a young man whose worst vice, according to everyone who will talk about him, is lust. He's spreading cheer!"

"That's one thing to call it," Chloe mused.

"Now it's a crime to give a woman a good time and be handsome and wealthy while you do it?"

"We're not talking about a broken heart; we're talking about a knife through the heart."

"Robert has an alibi!"

"Corroborated by family, people motivated to lie for him."

"You're grasping at straws, Detective!"

When you made it into the precinct you noticed Chloe was doing her best to ignore Lucifer. She had her eyes trained straight ahead as she walked towards the interrogation. She looked like she was planning his murder honestly. You looked between the two of them warily, kind of hoping Lucifer would shut up before Chloe snapped. He must have gotten on her nerves today. She was usually much more patient.

“The only thing Robert is guilty of is being handsome and wealthy.” Lucifer assured looking down at you as if he was only now remembering that you were with them. 

"Lucifer a person can live the bachelor life and not string someone along. Making someone think you'll change when you never will is an awful thing to do," Chloe hissed at him. You frowned a little, this is why you didn’t really want Chloe knowing. You could tell, beyond a shadow of a doubt that she was no longer talking about Robert Graham. She stopped at her desk and collected her notes before passing them on to you.

"I don't recall Robert saying he ever intended to be a changed man. I think you're projecting. I don't know who hurt you but it shouldn't get in the way of our investigation."

You looked over the papers to see Chloe glaring daggers at Lucifer again. You took his arm and started pulling him away. "Lead me to, Mr. Graham. I have some questions."

Lucifer led the way into the interrogation room. You came in right behind him and took a seat across from Robert. You observed the man sitting at the table, his head was in his hands and his knee bounced under the table. It didn’t seem like a natural tick, but instead one bred out of anxiety. He startled just a bit as the door closed behind you. 

"Hello, Mr Graham. I don't know if you know but we've got Mr. Johnston in custody. He said a couple things about you and Rachel and I just want to hear your side." You explained in a kind voice to be sure he didn’t feel like he was being persecuted. 

"Well what did he say?" Robert asked. His was speaking to you but his eyes followed Lucifer as he sat down beside you. For a moment you noticed Robert’s eyes bounce between the two of you, and you wondered what Lucifer looked like at the moment. You didn’t break your gaze though, wanting to seem trustworthy. 

"Word on the street is you're a lady's man."

"And there's nothing wrong with that," Lucifer injected, “you're just spreading the joy."

"Sure but then Rachel found out you were still spreading joy-"

"No! That's not what was happening. " Robert cut you off. This wasn’t the first time someone accused him of something like this, he wasn’t nearly surprised enough about the allegations.

"Well,” you continued, “that's what Mr. Johnston said. He says you've been a player your whole life. You were just trying to get your dick wet with Rachel. She was a beautiful girl, what happened?"

"Y/N this is hardly fair. He didn't kill that girl." Lucifer complained turning towards you now, but your gaze stayed locked with Robert, he was cracking. The smooth skin of his brow was furrowed with stress and he was fidgeting just a little bit more. So you pressed him further.

"Did she get too clingy?" You asked.

"No!"

"So, Mr. Johnston was lying?"

"Yes! Yes he was, I would never ever do anything to hurt Rachel."

"So you cared about her?"

"Of course I did!" Robert yelled. “Everyone always saw me for my money and my fame but Rachel saw the real me. She cared about me."

"So you just slept around behind her back?" You nodded, leaning back and crossing your arms as if you’d already made up your mind about him.

"No, no, I... I could be myself around Rachel she was... she was like no one I've ever met. I wanted to be with her forever. "

"Rachel wasn't happy though. Her friends saw it, her colleagues saw it, you saw it," you listed.

"She wanted more. She wanted... commitment and that's not who I am. So yeah she was upset."

"And so you went to her house to talk it out after Christmas?" You asked softly.

Robert opened his mouth to speak but then his face went cold, "I want my lawyer here. I'm not saying anything else to you people without a lawyer."

" Lucifer, " you spoke barely glancing at the devil by your side. When he didn't respond you focused on him, noticed the troubled look on his face as he stared at Robert. You couldn’t be sure what gears were turning in his head but you didn’t like the way he was looking at Robert. There was a pain on Lucifer’s face that you couldn’t describe, you would think that Robert had personally offended him. 

" Lucifer," you called again. He met your gaze, looking at you now. You tried to read his expression again but that hurt in his eyes vanished when he looked at you so you explained what you wanted from him, "Isn't there a question you want to ask Mr. Graham?"

"Oh yes, Robert," he called and waited for the man to look at him, "what do you desire?"

Robert seemed to be resisting but in the end he spoke, "To be known, to be truly known and loved after they find out who I am."

"And Rachel was that to you?" You guessed softly, trying to be gentle as you coaxed him into talking some more. 

"She loved me... in spite of everything I am... everything I've done and I-"

"You pushed her away," Lucifer spoke, barely a whisper. You turned momentarily confused until you remembered Robert saying that in the office. It was the only thing he said that wasn't rehearsed. She told him she loved him and he pushed her away.

"What did you do Robert?" Lucifer asked in a low voice. Robert shook his head, eyes filling with tears.

"He pushed her," you finished connecting the dots.

"She accepted you for all that you were." Lucifer kept talking, “And you killed her.”

“It was an accident,” Robert cried,"There was so much blood," he said, "and I didnt know what to do. She wasn't moving and I didnt feel a pulse but I couldn't go to jail for this."

"So you framed Mr. Johnston?" You asked.

"He was already a criminal. It was time he came to justice why not for this!" he reasoned. 

“Why don’t you walk us through that night,” you spoke calmly.

Robert put his head in his hands, " I was stressed, stuff with the business had me on edge and she was trying to help me relax but... I wasn't having it. And we started arguing because she thought I was seeing other people but I wasn't and I was so mad, so hurt that she thought so little of me that I was going to leave. Then she grabbed my arm and told me to stay and that she loved me and that she only cared so much because she loved me. It was too much and I just wanted a chance to think. I needed to think but she was latched on to me so tightly and I..." his voice caught on a sob, "I pushed her away... and she hit her head on the edge of the coffee table. God, I can still hear the sound it made. I knew she was gone. The only woman who ever saw me for me... and I killed her. I stood there watching the blood spread and I just... I got scared. I made it look like Johnston did it because he was already a grade A creep, putting cameras in the house and things like that. He needed to go down. "

"How selfish can you be?" Lucifer asked, "she might have lived if you had called an ambulance. Did you even think about saving her? Or was your first thought about covering your own ass?"

The interrogation room door opened, and you glanced over to see Chloe coming in, but her eyes were on Lucifer. He was leaning across the table, rising from his chair. 

“We’ve got what we need, Robert Graham, you’re under arrest for the murder of Rachel Montgomery-”

“She might have lived!” Lucifer reiterated glaring at Robert now with pure hatred. Chloe looked up at him, her eyes visibly alarmed by the unfiltered hatred on Lucifer’s face. 

“Luc,” you put your hand on his shoulder and gave him a gentle push back, just enough to get his attention, you didn’t actually believe you were physically capable of moving him. "Let's go. Chloe's got everything she needs," you glanced at the Detective for confirmation and she nodded. Lucifer slowly straightened up and walked out of the room with you close behind.

"How is that a logical next step?" Lucifer demanded the moment the two of you were out of the room.

"I know."

"He's an asshole who ruined what he had with a woman who seemed like the sweetest person in the world, _then_ he couldn't even own up to what he'd done. He blamed it on someone else!"

You sighed and wrapped your arms around Lucifer. You wished you could say it was solely for his benefit but you needed it too. This case was hard, seeing that Rachel had a whole life ahead of her only to see the one person she loved take it all from her; it was too much. It made you wonder if it was worth it to put yourself out there in that way. Maybe you could just love Lucifer quietly, no one had to know. You'd tell all the girls it was just a crush and you got over it. You would continue to treat Lucifer like a friend. You would have everything you ever worked for at your fingertips. If you risked nothing you lost nothing.

"I'm gonna head home," you mumbled as you let Lucifer go. He was staring down at you with the most peculiar expression.

"I'll drive you. "

"Thanks." You could use this drive home, make a clean break. You would sit beside Lucifer, take every romantic feeling and bury it deep, deep down until it was no longer detectable. It was the only way to move on. Lucifer is who he is and you didn't expect him to change for you. You didn't expect him to stop flirting with other people, or to be the kind of person even interested in learning how to love you. Loving someone, truly loving someone meant seeing them exactly for who they are and you did… you really you did. You wouldn't change him for the world but you couldn't tell him. You couldn't be _that_ vulnerable with him. You didn't want to risk the friendships you'd built and maybe if you were less sensitive to rejection you could try. You could give this whole thing a chance knowing it would leave you unscathed either way but that wasn't your reality. So you sat beside Lucifer in his car trying to think of ways that you could make this final. How could you show yourself that you meant it this time? No funny business, 100% platonic, no playing pretend no nothing. Everytime you looked at him your resolve softened. He looked so upset, so utterly devastated by the harshness of this world. The wind blew in your ears, making it impossible to talk which was for the best because the only words on your lips were "I love you". "I love you and I'll love you even if you never reciprocate it. I am just a clementine, something small and sweet once you peel away what is tough and better. I am as soft and sweet as clementines, I promise, I promise. Let me peel for you." You stopped looking at Lucifer, trained your eyes on the horizon. You were getting closer to your home and you needed a sign. You yelled it in your head _"Please give me a sign! What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to-"_

"Can I... come in?" Lucifer asked and you realized you were parked in front of your home. You slowly turned to look at him, hoping you would know what to say. He looked so tired, so world weary, so unlike your Lucifer. There was already a version of him your heart knew best, the one that was all devilish smiles, and reckless choices. It fawned over that version of him and now cooed soft pitiful feelings throughout your body at his current state. 

"Yeah.... um I actually have a bottle of whiskey inside that maybe you can help me appreciate," you spoke smiling for his benefit, always for his benefit. You wanted to be soft with him. You yearned for it. It was too much to be strong and unyielding with someone who already saw just how pliant you could be. You led the way into your home. You flipped on lights as you walked in taking away the dark shadows and filling them with honeyed light. There were no words for you to speak to each other, just a necessary silence as you pulled glasses from the cupboard.

You bought the whiskey shortly after Ella and Linda left it wasn’t for tonight, it was for the future. For when you could no longer be with Lucifer. Whenever you were strong enough to stop monopolizing his nights. It was for the smell mostly, once you got past the alcohol there was a woody scent, a sort of oaky earthiness that always accompanied Lucifer. You never thought it was whiskey, you still weren't sure it was but the comparison remained the same. A fine aged whiskey reminded you a lot of Lucifer.

"This _is_ very nice," he remarked looking at the bottle. You turned around to find Lucifer much closer than you expected, though he wasn’t paying you any mind, too busy admiring the bottle. You stared up at him, trying to cement this feeling in your mind, so that maybe... if there was a next love you would know that you loved them sooner. Not that it would really help, not that you really thought God would give you someone else. This _was_ a punishment after all, since he couldn't trust the devil to go do it when you died, your hell was on Earth. He was making Lucifer torture you. How would you get out of this? The ways your parents ruined you was never more stark, or more painful than when you were looking at Lucifer.

He caught you staring at him, he must have meant to glance at you but the expression on your face held his gaze. You could almost see yourself reflected in his dark brown eyes. You could almost see yourself through his eyes, equal parts captivated and resigned. It was in that moment you knew you'd been lying before. It's not that you didn't think Lucifer was capable of loving you well... you didn't think you could love him. You weren't equipped. You didn't know how to love something and not break it, not make it bend.

"I'm always quite sad to open a good single malt but I have a feeling that's not what has you so upset." He joked and he was smiling for your benefit. You could see it, his eyes were still sad, still weary, but he wanted to see you happy.

"No... I still don't really understand whiskey. It still just hurts." You admitted but you weren't really talking about whiskey. You were talking about him, about love, about life. You didn't understand any of it... it just hurt.

"Another lesson then?" He took the glasses from you coming to stand right at your side.

"Oh is this one on swallowing too?" You mused.

He scoffed, "Not really I think you've got swallowing down. This is more of a smell lesson. You've got the perfect glass for it."

You knew that. Of course you knew that. You'd done your research, you just never thought Lucifer would be here while you did it.

He poured a little whiskey in each glass and swished it about so that the alcohol covered the glass.

"You're supposed to pour it out but... well waste not want not," he shrugged as he drank from both of the glasses. He refilled them and handed a glass to you.

"Don't be afraid to really put your nose in there. Tell me what you smell?"

You closed your eyes and breathed deep. The smell made your eyes water and you wished you could say it was just the alcohol, but really it was the knowledge that you were never going to look at whiskey the same.

"Orange," you answered, "a little bit of an earthy smell, but sweet maybe some vanilla."

"Good," he praised his hand resting on the counter right beside your hip, "anything else?"

All you could think about was that kiss at the casino, something you did on a whim, a good luck charm, the taste of his tongue and therefore the residual taste of whiskey. It was just mid palate, not too aggressive, "Apple," you spoke.

"Mmhm, now drink, look for those notes."

You did as he said. Your nose naturally wrinkled and you watched him smile because of it. You remembered that he liked your nose. He thought it was cute that you wrinkled it like that. You let the whiskey swish about in your mouth, you found all of the flavors you smelled in addition to a spiced taste you couldn't name. As you tried to name them you looked up at Lucifer again. He'd already drank his glass and was pouring another. 

You swallowed the whiskey, still making a face, "I still don't like whiskey."

"Then why buy such a nice bottle?" He asked.

"For you, mostly. Figured you might have had enough of my dessert wines." You shrugged, picking your glass back up. You were going to put it in the sink but at the last second you decided to close your eyes and smell it again. Now that it was empty some of the alcoholic scent left and you were left with the smell that haunted your dreams. If you allowed yourself to press your nose against the hollow of his throat you'd smell it too.

"Look at me," he spoke and you could tell he was closer now. Your whole body was aflame he had to be close, incredibly close, maybe just a breath away. He was going to ruin you.

You opened your eyes and sure enough he was leaning his hands on the counter you had your back to. He'd caged you in, forced you to look him in the eyes. You were fucked. All he had to do was ask and he would, you knew he would.

"Do you remember our conversation last night?"

"Not, uh, not really.” 

"You don’t believe I care about you."

You wrapped your arms around yourself as if you could physically shelter yourself from this conversation, “I was drunk, Luc. We’re fine, come on, you know we’re good.” 

"You are never more truthful than when you’re drunk. Tell me what I did to make you think something so preposterous.” 

"Nothing-"

"Don't lie to me."

"It's.. it's...not you." You couldn't tell him that he was breaking your heart just by being himself, by being everything you wanted, and everything you could never have. Still he insisted, leaning in closer, making it impossible to look at anything but his eyes.

“It makes no sense. I spend two weeks at your parents’ house with you, standing up for you, pretending to be a doting boyfriend-”

“You were pretending!”  
“I didn’t have to pretend to like this about you. I didn’t have to pretend in order to think you didn’t deserve what they were doing to you. I wasn’t pretending to care about you!” 

You shook your head, “Lucifer what do you want from me?” you asked, desperately searching for the answer. Why did he come here? Why was he pressing you about something you could barely even remember saying? He didn’t have to be here torturing you like this, demanding that you lay everything bare to him when he had no intentions of doing the same. This was cruel. It was cruel for him to try and pull this out of him and it was worse because you’d already answered his question. 

“I want the truth.” 

“The truth about what?”

“How could you think that all of this is just a way to sleep with you?” he demanded leaning closer, “Is it because I’m the devil? You expect evil from me. There’s no way I could be capable of genuine emotion-”

“No,” you recoiled in shock.

“Then what is it!”

“All you ever talk about is how you want to have sex with me!”

“And that hurts you?” he asked. 

“It breaks my heart,” you answered staring up at him steadily. His eyes were wide and bewildered, obviously unable to comprehend your words. He looked devastated and you wanted to take your words back, you wanted to take it all back, apologize a million times. You didn’t mean it, you didn’t mean it at all, you were fine, it was fine. 

"Why?” he asked, just barely a breath.

“Because you don’t care! You don’t care about me!”

“How many times do I have to say it before you believe me?”

“I don’t know!” You yelled at him. He took your face ever so gently in his hands as if he expected you to flinch away, but you were rooted in place, staring up at him, hoping he would say what you desperately wanted to hear. 

“Why won’t you believe me?”

“Because… it doesn’t make sense, Luc. You know me. I mean you really know me. You’ve seen the literal worst of me… You know that there is a girl dead because of me and you’re still here. So if this isn’t just a long con to get me into bed then what is it?”

“I don’t know, but I don’t want to lose it.” He answered, and you turned your face away from him because you couldn’t keep watching the way you were hurting him. HIs eyes always gave him away. He looked positively tortured. You claimed to love this man and you were hurting him. You weren’t meeting him halfway at all you were making him bend for you. 

“What can I do to make it better?” He asked you. He was begging you for an answer trying to figure you out and you couldn’t tell him. You were already ruining everything. You’d spoken and hurt him. The pain was clear as day in his eyes. You hurt him and you would keep hurting him if you kept talking. You shook your head, clenching your jaw against the tears that wanted to fall. Tears would only make this worse. 

“What can I do? What do you want?"

He didn’t mean to ask you that way. It was a genuine question but you were looking into his eyes when he asked it. You wanted to stay quiet, to look away from his dark brown eyes to break the spell. You didn’t want to tell him, it was too much and it would just hurt him anyway. The word came from the depths of your heart, wrenched up with a forceful hand and shoved out of your mouth. 

"You." You spoke that word into the limited space between the both of you. It was the truth but you watched him misunderstand it all at once. It was such a pure simple truth. To say that you wanted to love him would have been a lie because you wished that you didn’t. To say that you wanted his love would not have been broad enough. You just wanted him in whatever way you could have him, in every way if he allowed it. You just wanted him, but you knew what he thought that meant. You always knew what he would think that meant and he wasn’t wrong because it was _still_ technically one of the many ways you could have him. You were weak, and couldn’t find it in yourself to correct him when he wrapped his arms around you.

"Then have me, " He spoke just a breath against his lips as he leaned in closer to you. "You can have me any time," he spoke so softly you barely heard him. 

You wanted him in every way, but if this was all you could get then you would make the most of this moment. If you were honest with yourself words weren't working. He needed something he could feel, something tangible, undeniable evidence of your love, not wordy concepts. Love was meeting someone in the middle right? You wanted to meet him in the middle. 

He lifted you up onto the counter so he could stand between your legs and kiss you. You could feel him trying to hurry this along, to get you to the bedroom, to do what he did best but that's not what you wanted. You wanted him slowly, to devour him body and soul so that at least for tonight you could be satiated. You could say that when you did love him you loved him thoroughly. There was no place you wanted to kiss that you left unkissed, no place you wanted to touch untouched, no sound unheard, taste untasted. You couldn't tell him you loved him. You just couldn't form the words even when compelled to speak your desires. You could make him feel it though. You could make him feel your love, so you kissed him until he was moaning in your mouth, until he could no longer stand it and he picked you up and even then you kept kissing him trailing the kisses down his neck when he broke away to see his way to your bedroom. His hands were feverish trailing under your shirt to touch your skin and pull you closer.

Lucifer wondered if perhaps you were a succubus made specifically for him, to entice him into... well he didn't know what yet but he knew your mouth was positively divine and you'd derailed all of his plans. He set you on the bed carefully untangling from your limbs to pull your shirt over your head. There were parts of you he wanted to taste, the softness of your chest was one of them. He coaxed you back against the bed, his hands coming to hold your ribcage as he kissed the tops of your breasts. His hands slid up to undo the clasps of your bra and set your breasts free. He tossed the garment out of the way, leaving open mouthed kisses that turned into gently biting teeth as he heard you sigh out sweet sounds for him. This felt right, he noted, like he was meant to be doing this, pulling these sounds from you. His lips closed around your nipple, teasing it with his tongue first before nipping it with his teeth to hear your pleasured gasp.

"Luc," you moaned, carding your fingers through his hair as he switched nipples. At the same time he tugged the zipper of your pants down. You helped him get your pants off, lifting your legs.

He wanted to taste the softness of your stomach to feel the flesh give under his teeth and hear you sing under the sting of it. What a treat you were so tuned to all of his curiosities about you. He wondered what sounds you'd make once you got exactly where he wanted to be. He didn't have to wait long. He put your legs on his shoulders as he knelt before you. You lifted your head to meet his gaze. He kept eye contact with you as he let his tongue, feather light, trace the seam of your lips. Your breath left you in one huff and you brought your hand to the back of his head pushing him closer.

His stubble scratched the inside of your thighs as he tasted you. A frustrated sound left your throat at his unhurried pace. It seemed he was more interested in tasting you than getting you off. He was happy to tease with short lived suckles to your clit, and right over your entrance all feather light, barely anything.

"Please, Luc," you whined. Your hand tightened in his hair. He took one of your legs off of his shoulder and pressed it towards your chest, opening you up wider for you. His other hand pet through your folds, collecting your wetness.

"Who's all this for, hm darling?" He purred looking at your face as he let his middle finger catch at your entrance.

The answer was immediate, "You. Please, Lucifer. Please."

"I quite like the way you say my name." He grinned before licking his lips as he slipped his finger in deeper bending it just a bit, looking for your spot. Your breath caught when he found it. You expected another devilish smile but instead he looked positively ravenous. He put his mouth back to work, tongue working against your clit insistently. Your eyes slipped closed letting the sensation wash over you.

You were clenching hard around his finger as he brought it slowly in and out, stroking firmly, and feeling the way your leg twitched in his hold, wanting to close around his head. The position of the leg he was holding kept you from wiggling too much. You were begging him for more and any other time he'd give in, you were more than wet enough, soaking his face, but he really wanted you to cum on his tongue. He opened his eyes again to watch as he added his ring finger. Your back arched and you made a deliciously desperate sound. He sucked your clit the way he knew you liked coaxing you closer and closer to the edge until he felt your pussy latch down on him like a vice. He moaned imagining how that would feel around him. He didn't stop eating but he did remove his fingers needing both hands to make you hold still as he kept licking your pussy, listening to your moans raise in pitch. It was bliss hearing you call his name as your legs shook and your thighs closed around his head. When he finally let you go you lay there for a moment dazed by pleasure until he crawled over you.

"Don't tell me you're all worn out," he spoke with a taunting smile. You wrapped your arms around him pressing your lips against his, tasting your own juices on his mouth.

"I'm just getting started," you mumbled against his mouth. You were suddenly aware that while you were naked Lucifer was still fully clothed. How you let that happen was beyond you but you were going to fix that immediately. You pulled off his jacket then tossed it before turning him over on his back so you could undo his shirt buttons without him distracting you. You caught his gaze while you undid the buttons, his eyes wide with desire, darker than usual from his dilated pupils. He gave you that look for all of one second before you were reminded of your original desire. You bent down and kissed each new area of flesh that his shirt revealed to you. You felt his stomach muscles jump as you pressed a feather light kiss under his navel. You kicked his legs apart as you journeyed backwards. Lucifer sat up as you retreated, obviously curious as to where you were going. Realization lit up his eyes as you unbuckled his belt while kneeling on your bedroom rug. He cursed watching as you took him from his underwear, too impatient to take off his pants. Of course the devil had a pretty dick. He would certainly be a mouthful, but you were willing to accept the challenge. 

Lucifer was well aware that you were a beautiful woman. He wasn't prepared for the sight you would be on your knees staring up at him with your pretty eyes. It should be illegal for a mortal to be this tempting. Then seeing your mouth full of him, feeling the wet warm channel of your mouth sucking and licking him. You stroked what you couldn't fit in your mouth with your soft hands. He watched your eyes water with the effort of taking him deep in your throat. If you didn't stop he was going to cum in your mouth. He went to put a hand in your hair, voice too caught up in singing your praises to tell you to stop. In truth he didn't want you to stop. You smacked his hand away before it could get to your hair.

"Don't touch my hair," you spoke with a teasing little lilt, "Are you gonna cum?" You asked jerking him off now while you rested your chin on his knee, waiting for his answer. His hands held your sheets in a grip that would probably kill you. He nodded.

"Good. I want you to." You settled before putting him back in your mouth. His hands went to cradle your face incredibly tenderly especially considering what you were doing. He came with your name on his lips. You swallowed most of what he had to offer. For as much alcohol he drank he didn't taste bad. Perks of being the devil, you supposed. He pulled you away from him much to your chagrin. His eyes were half lidded and blissed out as he regarded you. He put his thumb at the side of your mouth sweeping up some of his cum and sticking it in your mouth with his thumb. You sucked his thumb keeping his eye contact. He let out a deep moan that warmed the place between your legs. You pressed your legs together feeling the wetness that had leaked down your thighs.

Lucifer pulled his hand away from you and pulled you up to straddle his lap. You ground down against him feeling that he was still hard. You felt him shiver, probably from over sensitivity. This seemed like the perfect time to slow down a bit, to kiss him slowly, to kiss his cheek and his neck all while holding him as tightly as possible. When he began to guide your hips down to grind against him, you put your hands on his chest. He stopped, looking at you confused yet cautious.

"Lay back, let me handle it," you purred, pushing him to lie on his back. He kept his eyes on you as he laid back watching the expanse of your body move against him, cementing this view in his head. You took your time, just grinding against him at first, teasing him with how wet you were for him. There was so much to look at, to take in, to try and remember when he couldn't have you. He couldn't imagine not having you. There were too many ways he wanted to have you, too many positions for one night. Just when he was about to lose his patience and take control you took him gently in your hand and angled him to go inside. His eyes were trained on your face as you slowly lowered yourself down. Your brow creased in, concentration? Or was it pleasure? Strain? Then you let out the sweetest little moan as you kept going down letting him fill places you'd never felt full before. You stopped with about an inch to go. You rocked your hips pulling up in a smooth sensual movement that made his breath catch in his throat. You were gripping him so tightly.

He must have cursed or made that observation aloud because you smiled, eyes closed in bliss while your hips swiveled and you rode him smoothly taking the last inch of him in the process. He couldn't simply lie back not with your head thrown back in pleasure offering the beautiful expanse of your throat and chest to him. You whined when he bit the junction of your neck and shoulder.

"Fuck, you don’t listen," you complained with a little smile on your face. That smile quickly disappeared when he pushed you down on his dick making him hit the end of you harshly. The bitter pain fizzled out into something far more delicious. You took his face in your hand, the other on his throat so you could look him in his eyes as you rode him. Deep down you knew Lucifer was letting you have control. That was fine. You liked how desperate his face looked, how he kept saying your name followed by "please" begging you to go faster. You didn't. It was a labor of love, squeezing him as tightly as possible and moving so slow. You could feel his muscles tremble with restraint.

"That's right, be good for me," you mumbled against his lips. He moaned at that and you smiled kissing the corner of his mouth. You continued praising him, building up your pace gradually. You massaged the muscles at the back of his neck, making him relax into it and ultimately fall back again.

"Let me take care of you," you moaned as you leaned forward to keep kissing him. You were trying to keep it together but he felt so good inside of you. His hands kept guiding your hips against his, keeping you moving despite the burn in your hips. You started riding him in earnest, listening to the bed shake under you as you rode him.

"Cum for me," you moaned as you watched his muscle tighten up in his stomach, "please, please fill me up."

He was mostly guiding your hips against him as that coil drew up tighter and tighter until it snapped and he was holding you close against him, moaning your name in your ear. The feeling of him cumming deep inside of you sent shivers down your back. You kissed his chest and neck as he recovered from his orgasm careful not to move too much with him still inside you.

"Why have you only cum once?" Lucifer breathed.

"I said I wanted you," you reminded him, "and I wanted you like this..." you pressed your thumbs to his temples massaging firmly.

"I'm not nearly done with you."

"You sure? You seem a little out of breath," you teased. He spanked you lightly mostly in jest but the sharp crack of his hand against your ass made you moan and clench around him. He hissed lightly but looked at you with a twinkle of mischief in his eyes.

"Well what's this?"

"Who doesn't like a good spanking?" You shrugged.

"Off," he ordered and you rolled off of him. You felt his cum leaking out of you and hummed a soft sound in response.

"Come here," he lifted your bottom half up, putting your knees under your hips. You didn't bother lifting up on your arms and instead just stayed ass up face down. Lucifer licked a long strip from your clit up to your entrance.

"Oh darling you're going to be hard pressed to get rid of me," he cooed and you pressed your face into the mattress to muffle your moans and the urge to tell him to stay and never leave. He put his hand in the middle of your back, making you open up for him as he sheathed himself inside of you again. You gasped at how deep he felt in this position. 

"Oh you like that don't you?" He asked and you couldn't respond because he was pulling back and sliding back in with a sweet syrupy roll of his hips.

He smacked your ass harshly in retribution, palming it roughly to alleviate the pain, "I asked you a question, darling."

"Yes, yes, I like it," you moaned.

"I know you do. Come on. Let me in." His voice was so sweet, so easy to fall into as he rocked in and out of you. You didn't even realize what he meant until he was somehow deeper and rocking against something sinful inside of you. You knew you were being loud but you couldn't help it. He was so deep inside of you that every thrust had you seeing stars. He reached down and began playing with your clit. You were sure the hand on your hip was responsible for keeping you up because your thighs were trembling far too hard to be doing that job. You came abruptly, your body clamping down on him like a vice. Lucifer cursed as he moaned, spilling inside of you. You lie on your stomach with Lucifer covering your back as you caught your breath. After a moment, Lucifer got off of you and rolled you over. It was kind of hot the way he manhandled you to get you on your back.

"Come here," you mumbled, holding your arms out to him.

"Get up in the bed."

You wiggled up on the bed then pulled back the comforter so the two of you could be more comfy. Lucifer crawled on top of you. It was a little hard to breathe under his weight but not really, it was exactly what you wanted at any rate.... well almost exactly what you wanted. You kissed him. It wasn't exactly a goodbye kiss. It was an "I love you kiss" a kiss that said, "I love you enough to make oceans for you to let you swim endlessly in me". "I love you so tenderly, so reverently." "I love you, so I am an open door, come in, come in, come in."

He did. Soon he was inside of you again but this was different. You could tell it was different, he could tell it was different. There was no sense of urgency, just a constant sea of pleasure. There was no separation. For all the two of you knew, you could have been the same being writhing in a pleasure of its own making.

No one had held him so softly before. No one had gathered him so tenderly against them before, accepted him so fully. It didn't feel like satiating lust anymore. You asked for him, you didn't ask for sex. You wanted him and he felt wanted. He was not just taken here but preferred. Each time you said his name it rippled like a physical sensation against his skin. Hearing your sweet moans was the only music he wanted to hear for the next eternity.

"Please, please, please," you chanted as you held him close to you. He hooked your leg in the bend of his elbow bringing your leg up higher and making him go deeper. He watched a tear fall down into your hair. He nudged your head to the side so he could kiss your temple then whisper in your ear. He wasn't sure what possessed him to ask. By nature he wasn't a possessive lover but he asked anyway.

"Who do you belong to?" He bit your neck harshly then kissed away the pain all while you answered.

"You! Lucifer. I'm yours! I'm yours."

"Then cum for me."

And you did. Your orgasm seemed to go on and on until he came inside you one more time. You held him against you moaning brokenly. Lucifer rested against you for a moment before pulling away.

"No, come back," you mumbled.

Lucifer felt his heart soften at the sound of your voice, "I'm coming back. Let me clean you up though."

You sighed but didn't keep fighting him, too boneless to move either. You heard the bathroom sink running and soon the covers moved off you and a warm towel wiped between your legs. You tried to keep from making a face but you must have wrinkled your nose because Lucifer kissed it.

"I wanted you inside," you mumbled.

"Next time," he assured, crawling into bed with you again. He pulled you close to him, feeling more satisfied than he had in a long time when you wrapped your arms and a leg around him, nose pressed to the hollow of his throat.


	10. Chapter 10

You were so peaceful in sleep. The morning light fell on your skin, lighting you up like you were forged of gold. It seemed as if you were entirely untroubled, like you’d never known sorrow. There was something about you that just… made Lucifer feel soft. It was the most peculiar feeling to sit with. He’d always experienced this feeling in quick bursts, moments when you were incredibly precious to him Up until this very moment he considered it to be desire, but now it felt entirely alien. It was… a good feeling he decided though there was a part of him absolutely petrified by it. All good feelings had a down side. What would happen when you opened your eyes? What would happen now that he’d given you what you wanted? Would it be the same for you? It was oh so common for mortals to lose interest after they had their fill of him. After all, lust was not an emotion, it was a whim. It was a desire and desires can be fleeting but he wanted this feeling forever. Mortals couldn’t fathom forever because it didn’t exist on Earth. Nothing was forever here and yet, Lucifer knew that for as long as he lived, regardless of your feelings he would always feel this softness when he looked at you. 

There was the tiniest twinge of pain, of doubt, of fear. There was something scary about being in the presence of one who could dismantle him so easily. You had all that he was. He didn’t even realize he was giving it to you when he said, he didn’t even realize that he wanted you to have it. You possessed him body and soul, he was yours to hold close or push away. You could ask him to do anything, be anyone and he would do it. He knew he would. He had no idea how to be what you wanted but he would learn. He would learn if it meant endless mornings like this, the sun striking you golden, your warmth heating even the coldest parts of his being. 

He was well and truly fucked. It would hurt when you woke up. It would hurt like it hurt to fall. Luckily the height of this fall wouldn’t be quite as high as heaven. You were not heaven. He remembered heaven, boring in its pleasantness, monotonous in its goodness. No you were not heaven. You were far too grounding to be heaven. Having you turn him away would be falling. Loving you was nothing like falling and he did love you he decided. He loved you for some time. It was always love. People always described love as falling, but he knew falling too intimately to ever liken it to that. He did not fall in love with you. He rose in it. When did it happen? He wondered, carefully bringing up the covers to protect your shoulders from the cold. 

Was it the Christmas Eve in that casino when you kissed him so passionately that he thought his heart might burst? Was it the night you went out with him after the Christmas Party? It wouldn’t have been the dancing, it would have been the dopey drunk little smile you gave him when he told you to get in the car. It just happened so quickly. Love came to him like a thief in the night and robbed him blind of any indifference when it came to you. He thought it was just lust, fleeting desire, but then he tasted what there could be of lust with you and it wasn’t the same. It wasn’t the same as his countless other lustful endeavors. It was softer, sweeter, something to be savored. How many different people throughout the ages had described this very feeling, this grand moment of their own undoing? How many different books had he read and stories had he heard and yet he still didn’t know until he was already on the deep end of love?

He would hurt you. He was never more sure of anything. He had already hurt you. Love was the reason it hurt so intimately to see you in pain. It hurt him to see you in any distress, so he was sure to hurt himself because it was in his nature to ruin a good thing. He didn’t want to ruin you. Who could he send his hopes to? Certainly not his father. He hoped he wouldn’t hurt you, but he couldn’t make a move without doing so. You would hurt him. Of course you would. How many times had you expressed how much the friendship between the two of you meant to you? What he yearned for was not a friendship. To call what he wanted friendship would be worse than blasphemy. He could not fathom only having you intimately in bed, pretending to be nonchalant about your romantic pursuits. He could not think of another holding you in the morning. They wouldn’t do it right. They wouldn’t love you enough. What a mess he made of things. His father was so great at finding new ways to torture him, because surely he foresaw this moment in Lucifer’s future. He foresaw Lucifer loving this beautiful, silly, mortal woman so much that he only wanted the best for her. How could the devil ever think he was the best for her, and yet… he loved her and he wanted her. It was in his nature to covet. He kissed your forehead then carefully got out of bed. 

You woke not too long later. You squinted against the morning light, turning your head away from it. You rolled over and as you did so you realized something was wrong about that movement. You’d done it too freely. You hadn’t bumped into anyone and you had certainly fallen asleep with someone. It was like your body was moving of its own accord. Your heart so frantic that it took control shoving yourself up to look over to the side of the bed where Lucifer had been. Your hand reached out to that side as if your mind thought he was just invisible. You would put your hand down and feel him, warm and present at your side. Of course that was not the case… you were alone. Your heart dropped into your stomach and your breath caught on a sob that was slowly crawling up your throat. He was gone. He’d left you. He left you all alone after you were vulnerable with him, when you let him into such an intimate place. It wasn’t just sex to you. None of what you did last night was just sex, but it had meant less than nothing. He didn’t even let his one night stands wake up alone, you only knew that because he told you. So you were somehow less than that. You fell back in bed and pressed your face into your pillow as tears started to fall. It felt like your heart was trying to claw out of your chest, or maybe your body was recoiling from it, wanting to be as far as possible from the source of such agony. 

Then you heard your front door open and close. Your body shot up again and you were suddenly grabbing the nearest robe, which happened to be the semi-sheer light pink one that Lucifer got you. You wrapped it around your body and hastily tied the ribbon, before hurrying out of your room. You weren’t really sure what you were hoping to find. It could have been a thief and you were going to greet them naked, teary eyes, in a sheer robe that fluttered dramatically behind you as you hurried through the hall and into the front room. Seeing Lucifer at your door hanging your keys back up felt like the first breath after drowning. It hurt. It hurt so badly but it still felt like living. He turned to look at you and you had no idea what you looked like but you noticed that his face dropped just a bit. 

“Darling, what’s the matter?” he asked as he turned. 

You took a deep breath and you wanted to give him a funny answer, something that wouldn’t let on how upset you were, but you couldn’t. You pouted a bit as you began to cry again, “I woke up… and you were gone.” 

Sometimes, Lucifer hated always being right. He’d hurt you, just like he thought he would, “I went to go get croissants for breakfast, because I know you love them.” He held up a paper bag from the bakery not too far from your home. You weren’t even in control of what your body was doing anymore. Your legs carried you straight to him simply because your heart yearned to be wrapped up in his arms again. He received you without a moment’s hesitation. 

“What am I going to do with you?” he asked. You couldn’t bring yourself to respond. You just kept your eyes closed, breathing in his scent and letting it assuage the fears that crept up so quickly this morning. There was still fear, and it lingered in your lungs adding a tremble to your breath. 

“I have to say I’m partial to this robe. It was a great purchase.” 

“I think so too,” you mumbled letting him go so he could continue whatever it is he meant to do. He took your hand as if he was just as reluctant as you to be away from you. He led you to the kitchen this way. 

“You were in quite a deep sleep when I left, I thought I had more time. I did text you to say where I went though, darling. You can’t think that I would ever leave you like that.” 

You still didn’t have any words. All of them were too much right now. Lucifer obviously was not satisfied with your silence. He set down the croissants and pulled you close to him again. The moment he let go of your hand, your arms were winding around his waist like they couldn’t do anything else. You had to be close to him. You had to drink him in before he went away and you had to face that feeling of utter devastation waiting patiently in your chest. You were waiting for him to send you back into that pit of despair. You wondered how he would do it? Would it be a joke? Would he break you with a flippant remark about great sex and a great friendship? Would he ask you if you were satisfied now, if you were done being upset with him now that you had what you wanted? Because surely he thought he’d given you what you wanted. 

He put his hands on your face in the gentle way he always did. It was so tender that it made you ache. It was like a toothache from eating something sweet but it rippled through your whole body. He was looking down at you like you were the most precious thing, like he alone didn’t have the power to smash you into a million pieces. You closed your eyes, afraid of the intensity his eyes held.

“I’m calling in my favor,” he spoke. He didn’t have to call in his favor, you’d do anything he asked. He continued speaking, “I need you to tell me what you’re thinking. No lies, no vagueness, just the whole truth.” 

“That’s not fair, Lucifer,” you opened your eyes to look up at him again to see that he was giving you the softest and the saddest smile you’d seen from him, “I’m thinking that I don’t want you to go. I feel silly for being so emotional about it. I know it is not that deep, but I can’t help it because even if you leave after breakfast it’ll be too soon.” 

“I’ll never go anywhere you can’t go.” 

You shook your head as best you could in his hands. 

“No? Well what are you saying no about?” 

“I’m afraid…” you didn’t want to finish that sentence, it was too revealing. 

“Please don’t be. You have nothing to fear. I would never-”

“I’m not afraid of you,” you corrected, realizing he was misunderstanding you. You would have to be clear with him. You summoned all the strength you had in your body to allow you to speak this one truth. Love was about meeting people halfway but it was also trust and faith that you were going to be met in turn. 

You continued, “I’m afraid that you don’t love me the way I love you.” 

“You never fail to surprise me,” he spoke fondly, leaning down to kiss you, filling your body with that saccharine ache you felt from his touch alone. “You have nothing to be afraid of,” he assured as he rested his forehead against yours. 

“What does that mean?” You needed him to say it. You couldn’t be satisfied with riddles. You needed him to say it plain and simple. 

“It means I love you, darling. Of course I love you.”

You shook your head completely involuntarily. Everything felt so silly all of a sudden. You spent all this time worrying and here he was. 

“Oh, don’t do that again,” he complained, “You know I don’t lie. Stop shaking your head. I love you and you are just going to have to suffer through it, because you’ll never be rid of me now.” 

“Things don’t work out for me this easily. They just don’t.” 

“Easy? I have no intentions of being easy, darling, I’m the devil. The easy part is over and that was getting me to bed, I think you’ll find that I’m going to be increasingly difficult.”

“But how do you know? How do you know it wasn’t just really good sex?” 

“It wasn’t really good sex it was fantastic sex. I know that I love you because I know lust. I know it so very well and it doesn’t feel like this. You’re going to have to trust me, darling.”

“Trust the devil, huh?” you asked softly, bringing your hands up to rest over his.

“It’s all I ask, and in return I’ll give you whatever your heart desires. Anything you want.”

“I just want you,” you mumbled, stretching up on your toes to kiss him again and this time when he kissed you, you made an effort to let yourself feel it. You made the decision to trust him to meet you halfway every time and to not be afraid. You weren’t afraid. You pressed your body against his more fervently deepening the kiss. 

“If I counted correctly,” Lucifer spoke as he broke away from you, leaving you to chase after his lips, “I came just once more than you did and that’s simply an injustice I cannot let stand.” 

“Mmhm,” you hummed.    
“Another round then before I start breakfast?”

* * *

Epilogue

Coming back to work after a day off spent with Lucifer felt a little surreal, like coming back to the real world again after being off in a fairy land. Everything felt new and weird because you weren’t quite the same person you had been the last time you were in this building. You were on your way back from delivering your official mental assessment on a suspect pleading insanity, when Chloe flagged you down. She called you over to her desk, her gaze soft and concerned. 

“How are you doing?” she asked seriously, “Ella said that she didn’t hear from you at all yesterday and she’s worried which kind of made me worried.”

“Oh I’m fine,” you answered easily, because you were. Honestly it was understatement. You were phenomenal. You did feel bad for not answering Ella’s texts from yesterday, but Lucifer didn’t really give you much time to be on your phone. He was a serious giver in bed and wasn’t satisfied with one round. By the time you had the opportunity to look at your phone you were far too tired and just wanted lie in bed and watch movies with him. 

Chloe frowned a little in confusion, “Really?”

“Yeah. I’m good. I’m really good.” 

“So you’re over the Lucifer situation? That was fast.”

“Weell,” you drew the word out thinking of the conversation the two of you had. You were dating, exclusively dating one another. It felt so silly and juvenile to call him your boyfriend, but you supposed that’s what he was. Still, it felt premature to call him that and the honest truth was he loved you too. You meant to just say that: Turns out he loved you too. Instead, there were suddenly arms wrapping around your waist, pulling you into a warm embrace from behind. The sudden contact startled you but then you recognized who it was. 

“Hello, Detective,” Lucifer greeted Chloe before turning his face to kiss your cheek, “Darling.” 

Chloe looked like you’d grown a second head. You were surprised too when you learned that Lucifer was partial to chaste PDA. It seemed far too innocent for his usual persona, but you supposed you should have known. He always did have a tendency to dote on you. You were happy to realize that you weren’t the only one surprised by how sweet he could be. 

“Um, hi. What… is happening?”

“Oh you haven’t told her yet. What were you waiting for?” He questioned. 

“Well I was just about to when you interrupted. Turns out, Lucifer loved me too or whatever,” You tried to sound casual about it. Chloe knew exactly how torn up you’d been about the situation. There was no need to make this sound like a huge deal. Lucifer was already smug about having learned that you were pining over him. 

Chloe’s mouth pulled up in a little smile at your tone, “Congrats you two. I’m glad I don’t have to go through with the plan Ella and I had.” 

“Plan?” Lucifer asked. 

“Oh yeah it was the perfect crime really. Between a detective and a forensic analyst no one would have ever found your body,” she couldn’t keep from laughing at her own joke but that didn’t stop Lucifer from being seriously affronted. 

“Miss Lopez would never!” Lucifer gasped. 

“What wouldn’t I do?” Ella asked as she came over with her mug of coffee. You watched the way her eyes traced over the way Lucifer was holding. He’d stopped holding you, but he still had an arm over your shoulder. 

“Help me hide his body,” Chloe filled him in. 

“Depends, what’s going on here?” she pointed between the two of you. 

“Their dating,” Chloe answered. 

“Then no! I would never. This is so great! I knew you two would be cute together and look at you.” 

“Wait, no, we are not moving on like the two of you weren’t conspiring against me. Miss Lopez, I know what treachery the Detective can get up to, but you?”

Chloe rolled her eyes at his dramatics. 

Ella gave a little sigh, “Y/N was really upset and I couldn’t take that sitting down, but it’s fine. You fixed it. There’s nothing to worry about… as long as you take care of her and cherish her everyday.”

“I got shooters out here, Lucifer,” you joked looking up at him. He appeared genuinely scandalized by their pseudo-plot to take his life. They were probably only joking. However you imagined that between the two of them they could get away with murder. 

“This is preposterous. What about my feelings? What if I’m hurt?”

Chloe just shrugged but Ella at least made an effort to look remorseful about the fact that she would do very little on his behalf. Though you doubted that. You were fairly certain that she would give you a stern talking to if you broke Lucifer’s heart. Nevertheless, none of that was said so Lucifer continued complaining. You lifted up on your tip toes and kissed his cheek before stepping out of his embrace to go to your office and actually do work. Chloe was already busy listening to Lucifer’s heartfelt arguments. You were grateful that you met Lucifer, and that you asked him to pretend to be your boyfriend for your parents’ stupid holiday activities. Otherwise, you might not have realized how nice it could be to be in love with Lucifer. You noticed Ella following you as you walked away. You gave her questioning looks. 

“Oh I want all the details on how that happened,” she answered the question in your eyes. 

You held your office door open for her, “Well, step into my office then.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this story at least 5 different ways before I landed on this ending, and endings are always hard for me because I fall in love with a character dynamic and then I want to explore all the possible ways things could go but I think I'm happy with this ending. I toyed with making the "will they won't they" thing go on longer, but I think that's one of the downfalls of the show itself and I don't want to fall into that pit. Here's a special shout out to Neti for reading and commenting. You really kept me updating this story so frequently because I didn't want you to wait very long between updates. Thank you so much everyone for reading... and I guess we'll see if I write anymore Lucifer.


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